‘Revolutionary’ New Woodland Camouflage Uniform

Started by Thonawit, May 12, 2015, 06:29:43 pm

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US Army Introduces 'Revolutionary' New Woodland Camouflage Uniform To Replace ACU

FORT BELVOIR, VA - In a surprise move, the US Army's Program Executive Office-Soldier has announced that it has selected a "revolutionary" new woodland camouflage pattern to replace the Army's Universal Camouflage Pattern (UCP).

The UCP, introduced in 2004, was widely regarded as a colossal blunder, costing the taxpayer nearly $5 billion. Modeled after the "Urban Track Pattern", the uniform finished last in PEO-Soldier trials in 2003.

Nevertheless, PEO-Soldier selected the pattern for its new Army Combat Uniform (ACU).

Though PEO-Soldier boldly claimed that the UCP was capable of blending into any environment, practical experience in Afghanistan and Iraq showed that the uniform failed to live up to expectations. Two powerful Pennsylvania congressmen decried the uniform, citing numerous non-commissioned officers who claimed that the uniform failed to blend to the environment in Afghanistan.

After another grueling series of trials, PEO-Soldier selected a new pattern for the US Army -- woodland camouflage.

A PEO-Soldier spokesperson, speaking on condition of anonymity believes that the new uniform introduction is "a game changer."

"We figured out that the old woodland pattern really was pretty effective, and we know that soldiers will be the best-equipped, best-dressed, and best-camouflaged with this pattern."

Using state-of-the art digital clothing records, the Army will also save money when it switches to the new old pattern.

"We can use historical hand receipts to see who had been issued BDUs. We won't need to re-issue the new uniforms to anyone who was already issued them. This will save the taxpayers' billions."

Brigadier General Paul A. Ostrowski said that this was an innovative way to "solve the camo debacle and hit soldiers with the green weenie," which he called a win-win.

"In this age of austerity, we find that we can simply charge soldiers for any uniforms they may have misplaced or thrown away," said Ostrowski. "Luckily, we can pass along significant savings to the taxpayers by screwing over the warfighter."

Ostrowski continued, reflecting with a smile on the best ways to field gear to soldiers who will "complain about it for years to come."

"We at PEO-Soldier thrive on thinking outside the box. Not a day goes by that we don't think to ourselves, 'how can we screw over the trigger-pullers this time'? We weren't sure how we'd top the ACU mess, but we can definitely deliver when the top brass calls for us to produce more bs and call it innovation."
Regularly contradicts, contradicted CAP Regulations...

Майор Хаткевич


Jack Bagley, Ed. D.
Lt. Col., CAP (now inactive)
Gill Robb Wilson Award No. 1366, 29 Nov 1991
Admiral, Great Navy of the State of Nebraska


Captain, it is referred to as humor, perhaps you were not issued any. Colonel, I am so glad to see that humor has not escaped you.

We all need a laugh now and again.


The above is my best answer to the Curry Voucher discussion else where in the forum. The program has not started, and it's ugly, 'nuff said.
Regularly contradicts, contradicted CAP Regulations...


The government isn't THAT blatant about their mission to make soldiers' lives miserable.  ;) ;D
There are two types of countries, those that use the metric system, then that one that has been to the moon.


Майор Хаткевич

Quote from: Panache on May 14, 2015, 04:00:35 am
Old joke... already posted in the forums.

Which is my point, and yet I'm still missing how this is an "answer" to a completely unrelated topic, without any linkage between the two in the OP...

Do I have a sense of humor? Yea. Do we need to rehash all the Duffleblog posts on Captalk weekly? No.