Cadets and Dating

[cadetith]

So my boyfriend and I are both in CAP, and we've been dating for a couple weeks now. (He's Cadet Airman, I'm Basic Airman) What are the regulations for cadets dating?

[cadetith]

Also! please add on to this topic!

[cadetith]

However, Please be actually relevant to this thread. Thank you!

[LSThiker]

However, Please be actually relevant to this thread. Thank you!

First, there is a modify button so you can add content to your posts rather than posting three separate times.  It is located in the upper right of your post.

Since, you are a C/AB, I will help you a little more than usual.  Go to capmembers.com and download the latest copy of CAPR 52-16.  Turn to 2-6b Fraternization on page 7.  Your answer can be found in that text. 

That being said, remember to tread carefully as you progress in ranks (especially when you are appointed in leadership positions).  Remember to keep your relationship outside of CAP.  This is especially true if/when you breakup.  Be professional at all times when in a CAP uniform and at CAP activities.

[a2capt]

Basically, you should leave it at the door.
Regulation or not. Professionalism is the key.

[Garibaldi]

There are no hard and fast "rules" for dating. There is the whole issue of decorum while in uniform, as well as the issue of if you two stop dating and stay in the same unit. What if one of you promotes to officer and the other stays an NCO? How do you act around one another at that point?

Mentioned in another thread called "cadating", you can see the wide and varied opinions regarding cadets dating. Personally, I think it is a horrible idea, and I was a cadet all through my teen years, dating in and out of CAP. It's just not a good idea to me. And no, I am not being an old fuddy-duddy (Ask your grandparents what that means).

CAPR 52-16 outlines what CAP considers to be the "rules" for dating among cadets. While it does not specifically forbid it, it does not lean towards favoring it.

The only thing I can offer you as far as advice is to keep your private life separate from CAP. If you two for some reason stop dating, don't let it interfere with how you act in CAP. Keep it professional at all times. You will be better off.

[cadetith]

 :clap: Thanks, All of you! It was lots of help!

[lordmonar]

Did anyone mention professionalism?     

BTDT as a AFJROTC cadet....BTDT as a senior member mentoring cadets (That is I have seen it....not that I was dating a cadet!).

Seen both sides of it. 

Sometimes everyone can keep it professional and it is not a problem.  Sometimes kids will be kids and turns ugly real quick.  Sometimes I have seniors lose their minds over it and create way more drama then was necessary (I have seen this more often then the cadets creating the drama).

Keep it out of CAP and there is no problem.   If you can't keep it out of CAP then it becomes a leadership problem and your leadership may have to step in.

So....forewarned is fore armed.   Good Luck....we come to CAP and welcome to being a teenager. 

[SarDragon]

Here are a couple of threads on here that discuss things in sometimes excruciating detail. Read them anyway - there's a lot of good info in them.

This one's fairly recent: http://captalk.net/index.php?topic=19009.0

This one's older, but still has worthwhile general info. The reg has changed some since the last post, so keep that in mind: http://captalk.net/index.php?topic=7085

[The CyBorg is destroyed]

Pay attention to Public Displays of Affection (PDA's).

I am married, and my dear wife and I do not hold hands, etc. in public when I am in uniform.

I have served composite and cadet squadrons where there were obvious attractions between cadets (hey, I was a teenager once...long before you were born!).  What they did off CAP time and not in CAP uniform was none of my business.  However, when they were on CAP time and in CAP uniform, it was very much the business of myself and the other officers, and, in one squadron, an NCO.  He did a pretty good job of policing cadet behaviour, as he was a retired E-7 Army Drill Sergeant.

Again, as others have said, if your relationship ends, remember that the sort of professional behaviour CAP requires (of both cadets and us old folk) means that you do not take out any bad feelings you have over your breakup to CAP with you.  Easier said than done, I know (I'm not on really good terms with any of my former girlfriends, though I wish them well), but the situation calls for it.

One extremely uncomfortable situation I witnessed in a former squadron was a senior Captain who left his wife (who was extremely nice; I thought the guy was starkers for doing that, but it's not my life) and very suddenly started dating a former cadet who, very quickly, as soon as she turned 18, became a senior member.  I don't know what happened with that, as I moved not long after.  One part of me says that what consenting adults do is none of my business, but another part of me says that, filtered through many years of CAP experience, it looked wrong, it seemed wrong and probably was wrong.

[cadetith]

Pay attention to Public Displays of Affection (PDA's).

I am married, and my dear wife and I do not hold hands, etc. in public when I am in uniform.

I have served composite and cadet squadrons where there were obvious attractions between cadets (hey, I was a teenager once...long before you were born!).  What they did off CAP time and not in CAP uniform was none of my business.  However, when they were on CAP time and in CAP uniform, it was very much the business of myself and the other officers, and, in one squadron, an NCO.  He did a pretty good job of policing cadet behaviour, as he was a retired E-7 Army Drill Sergeant.

Again, as others have said, if your relationship ends, remember that the sort of professional behaviour CAP requires (of both cadets and us old folk) means that you do not take out any bad feelings you have over your breakup to CAP with you.  Easier said than done, I know (I'm not on really good terms with any of my former girlfriends, though I wish them well), but the situation calls for it.

One extremely uncomfortable situation I witnessed in a former squadron was a senior Captain who left his wife (who was extremely nice; I thought the guy was starkers for doing that, but it's not my life) and very suddenly started dating a former cadet who, very quickly, as soon as she turned 18, became a senior member.  I don't know what happened with that, as I moved not long after.  One part of me says that what consenting adults do is none of my business, but another part of me says that, filtered through many years of CAP experience, it looked wrong, it seemed wrong and probably was wrong.

I believe that your post was the most helpful towards me! In that situation, I would most likely be uncomfortable as well!

[The CyBorg is destroyed]

^^Ah, well, there's a little Obi-Wan Kenobi in all of us...

[Johnny Yuma]

Keep your hands and everything else to yourself on all CAP activities, even the social no-uniforms events, period. Best to pretend he doesn't exist and he the same with you "on the clock". The fewer people know, or even suspect, in CAP the better. If your unit is large enough request the two of you stay in separated flights to prevent perceived improprieties or accusations that the 2 of you are paying more attention to the other than what's going on.

Plenty of time to be boyfriend-girlfriend away from CAP.