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MK0225
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Unit: MER-MD-013

« on: November 24, 2011, 04:36:14 PM »

Hello everyone, this is the essay I have written for the Armstrong achievement. All constructive criticism is very, very welcome! The topic was the difference between followership and leadership.  I apologize for the awkward breaks, it didn't seem to copy well from MS Word. It is exactly 400 words. 

Followership and leadership have been basic human traits for as far as we can remember.  Every person is both a follower and a leader. The two share many similar qualities that make them effective, but they also have their differences.
As a follower, you must accept the commands and guiding of your leader. It is the time when you develop your knowledge in fields you have no knowledge in. It is when you must be highly attentive, observing the way your leader carries out orders and completes tasks. In C.A.P., being a follower requires maturity and increasing professionalism. Through observances of the Staff, you begin to learn the ways of things; how to wear the uniform, how to salute, how to follow your leaderís orders. Through analyzing everything, you form opinions of leadership styles, and start judging how you will lead when you become a leader. Without followership, you cannot have a leader.  If you understand the concept of followership, you can initiate your path to leadership.
Leadership is almost an opposite of followership. It is the leaderís obligation to guide the actions of their followers to complete a job. Leaders are the ones who followers look up to and who they learn from. A leader does not command his/her followers to enjoy their authority, but rather to serve the followers. It is the experience, skill, and motivation good leaders have that gives them this responsibility, and it is why followers form respect and loyalty to their leader. As a leader, someone is always watching you. This is why it is vital that leaders lead by example, and become role models in the eyes of followers instead of hypocrites. 
However, a leader must act as a follower to his/her superiors as well. All leaders have a higher ranking leader they must report to. Even the president is a follower as the president is obliged to follow their leader, the U.S. Constitution. This is essentially the foundation for the chain of command; Leaders receiving information from followers, and relaying it to the next-higher authority. Cooperation between the leader and follower is crucial to the chains success.
Analyzing this it is obvious, then, that the difference between leadership and followership is the process of learning self-discipline, motivation, responsibility, and many other traits. It is gaining experience, and becoming prepared to become a leader yourself in order to guide the actions of others.
« Last Edit: November 24, 2011, 08:24:19 PM by MIKE » Report to moderator   Logged
MSG Mac
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« Reply #1 on: November 24, 2011, 06:38:07 PM »

Lot of grammatical errors and better choice of words would be helpful. Please rewrite and also ask someone to read and analyze for you. I was about to edit it, but that is your task in writing it.
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Michael P. McEleney
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MK0225
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Unit: MER-MD-013

« Reply #2 on: November 24, 2011, 07:06:12 PM »

Ok, thank you Sir.
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Ron1319
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Unit: PCR-CA-273

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« Reply #3 on: November 25, 2011, 11:11:31 PM »

Why do cadets all want to try to use semicolons in formal writing?  I wrote professionally as part of my previous career for seven years and I never once used a semicolon.  Please consider the difference between these two approaches:

"This is essentially the foundation for the chain of command; Leaders receiving information from followers, and relaying it to the next-higher authority."

"Leaders receiving information from followers and conveying it to the next higher authority is an essential foundation of an effective chain of command."
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Ronald Thompson, Maj, CAP
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davidsinn
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« Reply #4 on: November 26, 2011, 12:15:07 AM »

Why do cadets all want to try to use semicolons in formal writing?  I wrote professionally as part of my previous career for seven years and I never once used a semicolon.  Please consider the difference between these two approaches:

"This is essentially the foundation for the chain of command; Leaders receiving information from followers, and relaying it to the next-higher authority."

"Leaders receiving information from followers and conveying it to the next higher authority is an essential foundation of an effective chain of command."

Because modern teachers are about form over function. It's about "English" not communication.
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David Sinn
Ron1319
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« Reply #5 on: November 26, 2011, 12:21:12 AM »

Well my advice to anyone reading this is never to use a semicolon.  8)
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Ronald Thompson, Maj, CAP
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BillB
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« Reply #6 on: November 26, 2011, 12:42:37 AM »

One use for the semicolon    ;-)
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Gil Robb Wilson # 19
Gil Robb Wilson # 104
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« Reply #7 on: November 26, 2011, 12:45:16 AM »

Well my advice to anyone reading this is never to use a semicolon.  8)
What if you are listing something that has internal commas?
Such as, jacksonville, florida; fort Benning, georgia; columbus, ohio.

That is a valid and acceptable use of a semi-colon.

Another use would be to join a compound sentence.

Kevin likes to run; steve hates running
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Ron1319
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« Reply #8 on: November 26, 2011, 12:53:12 AM »

Why would you ever want to create the sentence: "Kevin likes to run; steve hates running"?

We'll pretend you put a period at the end of it.  I'm not saying that they can't be used.  I'm saying that they shouldn't be used the way that they are used in the above essay because they just jumble up the sentence structure.  It's best to just never use them.
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Ronald Thompson, Maj, CAP
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Spaceman3750
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« Reply #9 on: November 26, 2011, 12:57:54 AM »

Kevin loves to run; however, his best friend Steve hates it.
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The moment any commander or staff member considers themselves a gatekeeper, instead of a facilitator, they have failed at their job.
I can't fix all of CAP's problems, but I can lead from the bottom by building my squadron as a center of excellence to serve as an example of what every unit can be.
Ron1319
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« Reply #10 on: November 26, 2011, 01:05:35 AM »

That's gratuitous.  Why not just say, "Kevin loves to run.  However, his best friend Steve hates running."  Then everyone reading the sentence's brain wouldn't freeze, stop, and have to figure out what you're trying to say.  Writing should be able to reader easily determining what you're trying to say.
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davidsinn
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« Reply #11 on: November 26, 2011, 01:51:36 AM »

That's gratuitous.  Why not just say, "Kevin loves to run.  However, his best friend Steve hates running."  Then everyone reading the sentence's brain wouldn't freeze, stop, and have to figure out what you're trying to say.  Writing should be able to reader easily determining what you're trying to say.

Like I said it's about "English" not communication.
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David Sinn
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« Reply #12 on: November 26, 2011, 02:04:19 AM »

That's gratuitous.  Why not just say, "Kevin loves to run.  However, his best friend Steve hates running."  Then everyone reading the sentence's brain wouldn't freeze, stop, and have to figure out what you're trying to say.  Writing should be able to reader easily determining what you're trying to say.

Like I said it's about "English" not communication.
It is more about style. It might fit into your style to use semi-colons.

Kevin loves to run, and Steve hates to run.
Kevin loves to run, but Steve hates it
Steve and Kevin are polar opposites, Kevin loves to run, but Steve despises running with a passion.
Steve hates running; however, Kevin loves it!
Most people are like Steve, they hate running. A few are like Kevin, they love running.
While Kevin loves to run, Steve hates it.

Those all communicate the same idea. It comes down to Style, Style, Style.

Quote
Why would you ever want to create the sentence: "Kevin likes to run; steve hates running"?
I was quickly creating an example sentence.

While I'm not defending the OP's use of Semi-colons, I am just saying never use an absolute, such as never or always.
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coudano
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« Reply #13 on: November 26, 2011, 02:08:15 AM »

I meant to get to this earlier, but a little busy with the holiday :)

My word counter got 405.

Followership and leadership have been basic human traits for as far as we can remember.  Every person is both a follower and a leader. The two share many similar qualities that make them effective, but they also have their differences.

So I assume you are doing this prompt:  Explain the difference between followership and leadership.
Cool.

Also based upon your introduction, I think the underlined sentence is your thesis.  I'm expecting a paragraph or two about how they are similar, and another paragraph or two about how they are different.

I haven't read them yet, but let's see...

Quote
As a follower, you must accept the commands and guiding of your leader. It is the time when you develop your knowledge in fields you have no knowledge in. It is when you must be highly attentive, observing the way your leader carries out orders and completes tasks. In C.A.P., being a follower requires maturity and increasing professionalism. Through observances of the Staff, you begin to learn the ways of things; how to wear the uniform, how to salute, how to follow your leaderís orders. Through analyzing everything, you form opinions of leadership styles, and start judging how you will lead when you become a leader. Without followership, you cannot have a leader.  If you understand the concept of followership, you can initiate your path to leadership.

Well what you've done here is pretty common.  You've done a pretty good job of describing followership.
I'm not entirely clear on which of those sentences is your paragraph's main idea,
but the main gist of the paragraph is "this is what followership is"

However based on your introductory paragraph I would have expected this paragraph to be about how followership and leadership are similar.

S in the Staff shouldn't be capitalized.

An awful lot of use of the accusative case (using the word 'you').  Which should generally be avoided in formal writing.

Quote
Leadership is almost an opposite of followership. It is the leaderís obligation to guide the actions of their followers to complete a job. Leaders are the ones who followers look up to and who they learn from. A leader does not command his/her followers to enjoy their authority, but rather to serve the followers. It is the experience, skill, and motivation good leaders have that gives them this responsibility, and it is why followers form respect and loyalty to their leader. As a leader, someone is always watching you. This is why it is vital that leaders lead by example, and become role models in the eyes of followers instead of hypocrites. 

Again, you are describing leadership here, not really talking about differences between leadership and followership.
The introductory sentence is that leadership is almost an exact opposite of followership, this is a main idea that is consistent with your thesis, but basically none of the rest of the sentences in the paragraph support this main idea.

who they learn from is more properly whom they learn from

This essay has a lot of what are called dangling participles.  DP's are when you use a pronoun that doesn't have a clear antecedent.
"A leader does not command his/her followers to enjoy their authority"
To enjoy whose authority?   If you think about it, you can figure out that you mean the leader's authority,
but its not immediately apparent, and the reader shouldn't have to spend a lot of time trying to figure it out.

"It is the experience, skill, and motivation good leaders have that gives them this responsibility,"
First of all, another DP...  WHICH responsibility does it give them?

Secondly, this is probably not really true in a lot of cases...
The real root of responsibility is based in trust.
Those qualities you listed are (hopefully) some of the criteria HOW a leader gets picked for a position of authority and trust.  But certainly not always.

Quote
However, a leader must act as a follower to his/her superiors as well. All leaders have a higher ranking leader they must report to. Even the president is a follower as the president is obliged to follow their leader, the U.S. Constitution. This is essentially the foundation for the chain of command; Leaders receiving information from followers, and relaying it to the next-higher authority. Cooperation between the leader and follower is crucial to the chains success.

The Constitution isn't really a 'leader' per se, so much as a set of rules.
Would you say that CAP Regulations and Constitution and Bylaws are the "leader" of the National Commander?

President, in this context, /should/ be Capitalized.

chain's success (it's possessive)

Quote
Analyzing this it is obvious, then, that the difference between leadership and followership is the process of learning self-discipline, motivation, responsibility, and many other traits. It is gaining experience, and becoming prepared to become a leader yourself in order to guide the actions of others.

Analyzing what?

So the difference between leadership and followership is a process?
The 3 paragraphs above haven't really made that case, have they?

The difference is gaining experience, and becoming prepared to become a leader yourself?
(that's something that leaders do but followers don't?)




Ok, so a couple of suggestions for format:

paragraph 2:  definition of followership
paragraph 3:  definition of leadership
paragraph 4:  difference between the two

or another tack you can take:

paragraph 2:  similarity or difference #1
paragraph 3:  similarity of difference #2
paragraph 4:  similarity or difference #3



In either event, you need to have 3 main ideas (one main idea of each paragraph)
and all 3 of those main ideas need to DIRECTLY support your main thesis in the introduction

Then each paragraph must contain sentences that DIRECTLY support the main idea of that paragraph.


I suggest doing this outline before you start writing.
Ignore the introduction and conclusion at first...

first just do the paper main thesis and the 3 main ideas.  make sure that the MI's support the thesis.
THEN, one at a time, do the support for each main idea, and make sure each support supports that paragraph's main idea.

Then you can write it out into full length sentences and paragraphs that will form your essay.


Paper Main Thesis:

Main Idea #1
mi1 support:
mi1 support:
mi1 support:

Main Idea #2:
mi2 support:
mi2 support:
mi2 support:

Main Idea #3
mi3 support:
mi3 support:
mi3 support:
« Last Edit: November 26, 2011, 02:13:01 AM by coudano » Report to moderator   Logged
Spaceman3750
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« Reply #14 on: November 26, 2011, 07:56:50 AM »

That's gratuitous.  Why not just say, "Kevin loves to run.  However, his best friend Steve hates running."  Then everyone reading the sentence's brain wouldn't freeze, stop, and have to figure out what you're trying to say.  Writing should be able to reader easily determining what you're trying to say.

If someone freezes on that sentence, they need to head down to their local community college and register for 099 Remedial English.
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The moment any commander or staff member considers themselves a gatekeeper, instead of a facilitator, they have failed at their job.
I can't fix all of CAP's problems, but I can lead from the bottom by building my squadron as a center of excellence to serve as an example of what every unit can be.
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