Help? Pretty confused?

maurer172 · July 11, 2011, 05:57:36 AM

I posted this awhile back, so now its been about a year since this indecent.

"In June or July, an 8Th grader at the time, also a Civil Air Patrol cadet, (I was in 6Th grade at the time and also a Civil Air Patrol cadet [which I still am]) text me using my friends phone and pretending to be my friend and cussed me out, put me down, and so much more. I was and I believe still am a higher rank.She didn't text me that until I moved to TX, well I moved back 5 months ago. I recently found out she broke 3 regulations, just on the first page. What is your feedback? What should I do?"

As I said its been over a year, it wasn't during a CAP event either. So I know reporting it would help nothing. However, me being well me, I was thinking about all the things she has done to me (most of which she can easily say was coincidence) and I have changed squadrons. But I'm still afraid another indecent like this may happen in CAP; now that its already happened. (I know it sounds childish, and all) I don't want an indecent to happen again, because I don't want to be bullied out of another thing I love.

JC004 · July 11, 2011, 07:25:49 AM

If it has been so long, what has happened that makes you think it will happen again?

EMT-83 · July 11, 2011, 12:48:20 PM

Why on earth would you post this to an Internet forum? If you have concerns, take them to your commander.

coudano · July 11, 2011, 01:11:08 PM

Some people are rude jerks,
welcome to the world we live in.

ignore them if you want.

Briski · July 12, 2011, 01:16:30 AM

Quote from: JC004 on July 11, 2011, 07:25:49 AM
If it has been so long, what has happened that makes you think it will happen again?

I think this is an important question.

Has anything else happened, or are you just concerned that it could happen again?

maurer172 · July 12, 2011, 03:14:38 AM

Uh it's both really. I am very afraid that it may happen again. But it's also little things (I hoe not intended to be discouraging) that cadets say [I am cadet first sergeant] saying things like "No one take you seriously" or "I don't think you can promote" etc. But [I don't know if I should feel this way] I don't want to thing that they intend to discourage me, because they are my friends. However I'm afraid 1. it could happen again 2. these little taunts may get worse.

Please help

whatevah · July 12, 2011, 03:33:21 AM

For reference... here is your original thread from 5 months ago. http://captalk.net/index.php?topic=12258.0

JC004 · July 12, 2011, 03:57:53 AM

If you want to lead, you WILL BE attacked. Sometimes personally. Maybe often. Maybe in lots of ways that are not true.

You have to stand against it and you have to accept that it will always be there if you are going to fight for things in life. I've seen plenty of this in life and CAP. I can remember when a teacher many years ago did something about a student who had illegal drugs. Some things were made up that were quite nasty about that teacher as a result - a personal attack for a professional action.

If you work hard and prove that these things aren't true of you, why worry about them? You can't center your life around this. There is nothing you can do to stop this kind of thing entirely except hide, disconnected from the world for the rest of your life. You cannot control what other people do. Bullying is about YOUR reaction. Be everything that you can be, stand up for things that matter in life, prove people wrong, and press on.

One of Colin Powell's rules is "You can't make someone else's choices. You shouldn't let someone else make yours." Listen well to that.

lordmonar · July 12, 2011, 04:28:33 AM

Quote from: maurer172 on July 12, 2011, 03:14:38 AM
Uh it's both really. I am very afraid that it may happen again. But it's also little things (I hoe not intended to be discouraging) that cadets say [I am cadet first sergeant] saying things like "No one take you seriously" or "I don't think you can promote" etc. But [I don't know if I should feel this way] I don't want to thing that they intend to discourage me, because they are my friends. However I'm afraid 1. it could happen again 2. these little taunts may get worse. Please help

I don't understand.

A year ago this cadet said bad things to you.

Okay.....

Have you reported it to your chain of command? Yes or No.

Six months ago you said you had not because you were afraid.....well the answer has not changed.....report it. End of story.

maurer172 · July 12, 2011, 05:42:10 AM

At lordmonar: No, i have not reported it. From what i understand it would do no good anyway. It has been a year, and it was over the summer that it happened; not during a CAP event. However the text was talking very badly about me in CAP events bullying me about my CAP performance (most I feel to be lies and exaggerations)

whatevah · July 12, 2011, 05:44:31 AM

One thought... it was a year ago, and the other guy has probably forgotten about it. You probably should, too.

zonaman · July 12, 2011, 11:22:01 AM

^^^^^^
I agree. It's not healthy to hold on to things like that. When you do, it can create a destructive thought pattern towards other people and/or things. It takes a bigger person to first forgive and walk away. At this point when I say walk away, I mean let go of the thoughts that have tormenting you. You will feel much better.

Sapper168 · July 12, 2011, 11:56:19 AM

maurer172- I am confused as to why you keep going on with this. If you are being bullied or harassed then you should have used your cadet chain of command, Commander of Cadet programs, Squad commander, chaplain and if it was ignored long enough or the chain of command is part of the problem the Inspector General. You said you have since changed squadrons so your problem is no longer there. If you are waiting, looking, or even hoping that something like it happens again i would say that maybe you are wanting it to happen again. In life People will talk about you behind your back and harrass you to your face, it doesnt change as you become an adult, learn to deal with it now.

My advice- Move on and leave it where it belongs, in the past at an old unit. Make the best of your new unit and dont pre-judge your fellow cadets, they just may suprise you.

lordmonar · July 12, 2011, 02:06:45 PM

Quote from: maurer172 on July 12, 2011, 05:42:10 AM
At lordmonar: No, i have not reported it. From what i understand it would do no good anyway. It has been a year, and it was over the summer that it happened; not during a CAP event. However the text was talking very badly about me in CAP events bullying me about my CAP performance (most I feel to be lies and exaggerations)

Then why are you here?

If you think it affects you....even if it was a while ago.....report it. End of story.

If you are not going to report it.....there is NOTHING that anyone can do for you....there is no advice anyone can give you.

Either report it and deal with it.....or suck it up and move on.

maurer172 · July 12, 2011, 06:23:26 PM

Thank you all for the replies

CAP4117 · July 12, 2011, 06:53:30 PM

Going along with what zonaman said, by holding on to this you're allowing that person to have control over you. IMO the best thing you can do to change that is to try to move on. If you feel it's still a problem, definitely report it. Either way, by dealing with the situation, you can release that person's grip on you, and come out the other side as the more mature person. CAP is, and should be, a safe place, and you have the power to help keep it that way by empowering yourself and using your chain of command. :clap: You can do it!