"Tid bits "O" Humor"

From the website Aviation Humor:

Apparently the ground controllers at Frankfurt airport in Germany are well known for being arrogant and imperious on the radio especially with pilots that aren't familiar with the gate layout at the terminal. One day a British Airways jet lands at Frankfort....

Frankfurt GC: Speedbird 206, clear the active and proceed on Taxiway c to Gate 10A.

The BA jet clears the runway and proceeds on to the taxiway and slows to a stop.

Frankfurt GC(in a very snotty voice): Is the a problem, Speedbird 206?

Speedbird 206: We're just checking our index to find our gate location, Ground Control.

Frankfurt GC(Very Curtly): Have you never been to Frankfurt before?

Speedbird 206( in a very laconic, British accent): Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark and I didn't land.

Here are my two favorites:
-
The Air Force, the Navy, the Army, and the Marine Corps are asked to work together to secure a building.
The Air Force buys it.
The Navy locks the doors.
The Army sets up a perimeter.
And the Marines blow it up.
 
----
An elderly American man has just gotten off a plane and in France and is getting his passport checked at customs.
The customs official says, "Sir, have you ever been to France?"
The man replies, "Yes. I have."
The customs official looks through his passport and says "No, you haven't."
The old gent says again, "Yes, i have."
The customs official is getting flustered. "No, you have not! There is no French stamp on your passport, and we are very strict! If you had been here before you would have a stamp!"
The American looks him in the eye and says, "When i came ashore at Omaha beach 67 years ago there wasn't a Frenchman in sight to offer me a stamp."

I've liked the Army-Navy game washroom one:

A midshipman and a cadet are using the urinals at the Army-Navy game. After finishing, the midshipman goes to the sink to wash his hands while the cadet heads for the door.

The midshipman states, loudly, "In the Navy, a gentleman washes his hands after using the restroom."

The cadet pauses and replies, "In the Army, we do not piss on our fingers."

An elderly American man has just gotten off a plane and in France and is getting his passport checked at customs.
The customs official says, "Sir, have you ever been to France?"
The man replies, "Yes. I have."
The customs official looks through his passport and says "No, you haven't."
The old gent says again, "Yes, i have."
The customs official is getting flustered. "No, you have not! There is no French stamp on your passport, and we are very strict! If you had been here before you would have a stamp!"
The American looks him in the eye and says, "When i came ashore at Omaha beach 67 years ago there wasn't a Frenchman in sight to offer me a stamp."

Someone I know that was in France on D-Day always said (in jest) "I'm never going to France again. Last time I was there (D-Day), I didn't feel very welcomed." 

I've liked the Army-Navy game washroom one:

A midshipman and a cadet are using the urinals at the Army-Navy game. After finishing, the midshipman goes to the sink to wash his hands while the cadet heads for the door.

The midshipman states, loudly, "In the Navy, a gentleman washes his hands after using the restroom."

The cadet pauses and replies, "In the Army, we do not piss on our fingers."

LOL. That's just too good 

I've liked the Army-Navy game washroom one:

A midshipman and a cadet are using the urinals at the Army-Navy game. After finishing, the midshipman goes to the sink to wash his hands while the cadet heads for the door.

The midshipman states, loudly, "In the Navy, a gentleman washes his hands after using the restroom."

The cadet pauses and replies, "In the Army, we do not piss on our fingers."

I'd always heard that one as surgeon (replaces midshipman) and a chiropractor.

Me and a SSG went into the bathroom, along with a few other cadets,  I was a Airman 1st Class at the time. And it was a night I was visiting the squadron, long story for another time.

SSG looking at another cadet: Did you wash your hands?
Cadet: Nope, and I'm not gonna (joking)
SSG looking at me: What about you?
Me hysterically laughing: No.... (walks back in)


You'd have to be there, it was the whole conversation exchange, the way it was done that made it funny.

Ok, This MAY seem off-topic, but WE NEED A NEW THEME SONG. OURS IS OLD AND OUTDATED SOOO.....
Or at least find a better quality verison, or recreate it.

Let's hire Niki Minaj to connect with the American Youth.

Top  choices:

1. Ride of the Valkyries. Wagner.
2. There she goes. Manfred Mann
3. We Gotta Get Outta this Place. The Animals
4. Satisfaction. Rolling Stones
5. Ballad of the Green Berets. Barry Sadler

Ol'Fido-

Are you sure about the Ride of the Valkyries? Wagner???

I love it, but programs made by Discover, Military History, and other channels still associate Wagner with the Nazi regime. And what is the one they choose when the Luftwaffe is shown bombing Poland and their initial success? And the Panzers rolling?

Ride of the Valkyries!

I can imagine it now, a video of our airplanes taking off, to the tune of Ride! Maybe start with a CAP Flightline Marshaler pointing or issuing other directions with the beginning airs... Then cut to a Cessna taking off... For the second stanza or verse cut to a CAP van with a Ground Team...

I have to stop as I am at work and my imagination runs wild fast... I may get one of those movie programs and create one...

Flyer

That's it!
 WE NEED A SONG AND I WANT PEOPLE TO LIST OUT THE POTENTIAL SONGS!
1. Ride of The Valkryes Nah, Screw it.
2. Fortunate Son.
3. We gotta get out of this place.
4. Transformers- Arrival to Earth
5. Gangnam Style (KIDDING)
6.
You decide

WAIT WAIT WAIT!
TOP GUN THEME!
 

^^^ Can't do that, the Safety guys don't want us anywhere near the Danger Zone...

The current "we are the CAP" or whatever, causes hair lose

WAIT WAIT WAIT!
TOP GUN THEME!
 

HIGHWAY TO THA DANGAAAAA ZONE!
We need lyrics. I'll start it off, "From the Halls of the Capitol Building,Tto the Shores of NYC; We will educate the public about aerospace." That's all I got

ok, we need to work on that.
FOR SURE

Ol'Fido-

Are you sure about the Ride of the Valkyries? Wagner???

I love it, but programs made by Discover, Military History, and other channels still associate Wagner with the Nazi regime. And what is the one they choose when the Luftwaffe is shown bombing Poland and their initial success? And the Panzers rolling?

Ride of the Valkyries!

I can imagine it now, a video of our airplanes taking off, to the tune of Ride! Maybe start with a CAP Flightline Marshaler pointing or issuing other directions with the beginning airs... Then cut to a Cessna taking off... For the second stanza or verse cut to a CAP van with a Ground Team...

I have to stop as I am at work and my imagination runs wild fast... I may get one of those movie programs and create one...

Flyer

Imagine if you will, fifty or sixty Cessna172s coming in low out of the rising sun in perfect combat formation. The door gunners are checking their guns and the enemy is running around in panic at the sight.....Sorry, flashbacks you know. Rent or download Apocalypse Now.

This is too epic of a topic to leave.....lets keep working on it. We need some lyrics for the....
TOP GUN THEME
 

Ol' Fido-

And behind the Cessnas come...

The gliders... the gliders!

Flyer

Theme song candidate?
The Donut Song