CAP and your "other half"

[Stonewall]

From my "after meeting meetings" discussion:

Do any of you married SM's feel a bit guilty by stopping and eating when your other half has been at home and had ham sandwhich for supper?  You know what I mean?  You go to the meeting and afterwards stop and have a nice dinner, be it McDonald's or the local tavern.  Personally, I don't think that's fair to my wife.  I guess maybe that's another reason why I don't push it.

I got married 5 years ago at the age of 31, at which I time I had been in CAP 16 years.  My wife knew me in HS and knew that I was in CAP.  And then when we started dating and I was 29, she knew I was in CAP.  In fact, we couldn't do something when we first got together because I was headed to Winter Hawk.

She supports me in my CAP endeavors and actually got me to get active again after I tried to retire, then just not rewnew.  She actually renewed my membership without me knowing about a month ago.  The only thing that has come between me and CAP has been my career.  For a while, off and on for about 5 years, I was heavily involved with my job that had me circling the globe on a regular bases.  I attended about 50% of squadron meetings and a few activities here and there.  The whole time, my wife supported me.

As for the after meeting stop at McDonald's, it's a non-issue right now because it isn't done at my squadron, unless they're just not telling me about it  .  But up in DC wing when I was a DCC and then CC, sure she knew not to expect me home until 23:00 or so.

Do I feel guilty?  Not before we had kids.  But we have a 2 year old and a 5 month old and I do know it can be tough.  We're both in the Air National Guard and recently my wife had to go away for a few days, leaving me at home with the kids.  No problem, I just understood that it was all me.  But it is work, so when I'm at CAP and my wife is at home, I can find myself feeling a little guilty.  Thing is, CAP starts at 19:00 and the kids are asleep by 20:00 - 20:30.  So she can sit back and relax while I'm at CAP. 

And it doesn't hurt to come home with icecream sometimes. 

[Ned]

As I write this, my "other half" is 800 miles away teaching at the Washington Wing RCLS.

Last year, I did just under 8 weeks of CAP "active duty" out of state without her; she does her fair share of encampments and NCSAs as well.

We rarely travel OCONUS together, but we've each done IACE several times as a cadet and escort.

Now that the kids are both through college, she uses almost all over her vacation from eBay on CAP.



So, yeah, CAP results in us spending a fair amount of time apart.


But, we each married "within the faith," so to speak, as we are both former Spaatz types (although we didn't date until we were seniors for several years.)

Dinner table conversations are always sort of interesting.

And we just celebrated our 27th anniversary.


Ned Lee

[Eclipse]

My wife is incredibly supportive, especially considering the time I put in - last year I was gone at least one weekend a month from Spring through fall between encampments, SAREx's, and other activities.

I actually joined CAP after we got married, along with my sister-in-law and sister (neither stuck), but she knew who I was when she met me:

- On final approach for the Chicago Police (didn't happen thanks to Mayor Daley tossing out several thousand applications in connection with a lawsuit).

- Rode a motorcycle regularly (and still do, including being an MSF instructor).

- Took a run at being a POC fireman in town, passed all the tests, but a bone spur in my back kiboshed that.

Bottom line, the public service itch was in there and she knew it.

As to feeling guilty, no.  She knows that on a "CAP day" I'm basically gone, so whether its 8pm or 8am that I stroll in, it doesn't make much difference. 

I don't drink and I'm not a sports guy, so CAP is really my "hobby" as well  (the area of the brain some guys use for sports stats contains regulatory minutia).  And while I enjoy it immensely, its a lot of work, and she knows I'm not somewhere getting in trouble.

She's also very good about telling the kids I'm going to "work" when I leave, and I do like the fact that the kids (5 & 7) have a history of seeing me, one of their God Parents (local PD), and others in uniform since birth, so not only do they not fear uniforms, I hope they are inheriting a sense of public service as well.

When they see floods and storms on TV, they usually say "Daddy, you have to go help those people..." (Awesome).

I've also, on occasion, been able to bring her on base, and to various meetings and functions (party tomorrow), which always makes me feel better that she actually sees what I'm doing and its not all made up.

She was very independent when I met her and that's what I like about her, I like to think we share the kid duties pretty well, but the reality is that mom is still doing the lion's share.  I also try and let her get out with her friends, family, etc., when possible.

Bottom line, if this is what you "do", then it shouldn't be a problem, however if you're out for drinks with the boys 3 nights a week, fall asleep watching football ignoring the dirty diapers the other 4, then one could understand if the wife has angst about you being gone a whole weekend.

[Flying Pig]

My wife is pretty understanding.  She wasn't to thrilled about me becoming SQ Commander though.  Now that my son is a year from joining, She wants me to make sure its good to go for when he starts!

As long as I keep her informed and don't spring any last minute activities on her, she's good.  She was a CAP cadet briefly back in the day and was in JROTC all the way through High School, and did 6 years in the Army, so she knows the deal. 

My excuse before was free flying....now that I fly just about everyday at work I can't use that one anymore.  When my son joins, I see myself tagging along with him to activities and getting more involved with CP. Right now, between work, the regular Sq. Comm duties, meetings, etc.  its hard to justify spending a week with someone else's kids when my 11 year old sits at home.

[SJFedor]

My *ex* girlfriend was very supportive, as we were both cadets, then both transitioned to the dark side.

But i'll let you all know how it goes with the next one! 

[NHQ-OS-126 Frank]

I would be so happy to find an American woman even if she were not in CAP. But you know over here in Europe finding an American woman is not very easy I can tell you :-)

I hope to meet a nice girl one day who is stationed on the same base as we are with NHQ-OS-126 . But til now, those I have met had all been married or engaged........So I might have to wait a little bit :-) I am only 27.......so I still have time :-) hehe

[Larry Mangum]

My wife is also CAP and we met each other at a CAP activity.  She is a Captain and a member of CAWG HQ Staff as an assistant PAO and the editor of the wing magazine.  

[Timbo]

My Wife actually got me to rejoin as a Senior Member almost a decade ago.  She never knew I was a CAP Cadet, then one day said "you know there is this Civil Patrol program where you can fly in airplanes for the Air Force at the base"......and the rest is history. 

I have not been out after a meeting for almost three years, with kids and after a long day at work, I am tired.  So instead the Seniors and a few Cadets meet twice a month (usually a Saturday lunch or afternoon) and we  bring our families with us.  The families break off and socialize while we "dive into" squadron business.

[Flying Pig]

My Wife actually got me to rejoin as a Senior Member almost a decade ago.  She never knew I was a CAP Cadet, then one day said "you know there is this Civil Patrol program where you can fly in airplanes for the Air Force at the base"......and the rest is history. 

I have not been out after a meeting for almost three years, with kids and after a long day at work, I am tired.  So instead the Seniors and a few Cadets meet twice a month (usually a Saturday lunch or afternoon) and we  bring our families with us.  The families break off and socialize while we "dive into" squadron business.

Long day at work? I thought you surgeons only had to do like...1 or 2 cuttings a year to get by?

[JAFO78]

I meet my wife while in CAP. She didn't get to far in the program after we meet, 2Lt and that was about it. 
Every time I talk about CAP she would kind of roll her eyes .
Now she sees it as sometime I need to do. I think 9-11 had sometime to do with giving back to our country.

She would go out for pizza with us, help clean up after the meetings.

[tarheel gumby]

My other half had been pushing me to rejoin for a number of years. When we met in High School I was a cadet. I later joined as a senior member in FLWG and then didn't renew after we got married. I finaly rejoined when my youngest son wanted to become a cadet. She is very supportive of my new efforts on behalf of the squadron.

[IceNine]

My GF came into this 2 years ago at which time I was rounding my 8th year of service and she was quickly aware that this was a HUGE part of my life and it is not entirely uncommon for me to spend more time doing CAP stuff than actually working for money  .

She is as supportive as she wants to be.  She never tells me "no", always tells me well in advance if she needs me to "schedule time off" from CAP so that I'm never stuck with the dilemma of letting her down or missing out on whatever CAP has to offer.

For the last 2 years I have spent every bit of vacation I have on CAP, and she is also good with that.

The only time she gets upset is when she feels like she's coming second, but that's a rare occasion.

All in all I do my CAP stuff, don't go out with the guys, spend lots of time in the office and on the phone.  And as long as I give her one night a week to watch movies and cuddle or go to dinner or whatever I'm good to go.

[Captain Morgan]

My wife is also a Captain Morgan!  When I go out to eat after a meeting, she is there, too.  When I am flying as a MP, she is the MO sitting beside me.  What's the problem?

[Eclipse]

My wife is also a Captain Morgan!  When I go out to eat after a meeting, she is there, too.  When I am flying as a MP, she is the MO sitting beside me.  What's the problem?

This is what is known as "cheating the system"...good work if you can get it....

[RickFranz]

The other Major Franz and I have been married 31 years today.  I had been a cadet before joining the USAF, when we met I was out of CAP but we where both Active Duty AF.  Once we got out of the service we have been in and out of CAP.  We have spent many hours working together and with all 3 of our kids.   I know having someone beside you that you can trust and depend on is truly a wonderful gift.

[wuzafuzz]

My wife is pretty supportive of CAP, even if she thinks some of what we do is a little goofy.  Perhaps she is more supportive of ME than CAP      We discussed CAP at length before I rejoined after a 20+ year absence.  At the time it was intended as something my youngest son and I could do together.  Unfortunately he hated the cadet experience.  After he left CAP I stayed on since the communications and public affairs bug had bit.  Since it's no longer a father-son thing I work hard to balance my time between CAP and family.  Since my three kids are all teens (my eldest leaves for basic training and 4 years with the Marines this summer), and my wife and I are less than three years into our marriage, I put family first.  I don't want regrets after the kids move on, nor do I ever want my wife to feel abandoned. 

Sometimes CAP takes more time than I like, such as when I planned a Group SAREX, but I make sure to spend tons of family time when those tasks are done.  I go right home after meetings and SAREX's.  Most of my CAP admin work is done during lunch breaks at work, or in the morning before everyone else wakes up.  Missions for me have been rare, but when I do disappear my family knows I am doing something to help others.  Modeling that behavior for my kids is a good thing and I find it rewarding.  That's a win-win!

[mmouw]

My wife was so supportive, she joined CAP a year ago last November and then found blue to be a comfortable fit and joined the Air Force this last November. She has been a real trooper in CAP. She has completed all PME with the exception of NSC.

[bosshawk]

My wife supports me in my CAP adventures.  She is a former Army Nurse(4 yrs AD), so she understands my past military background.  I had retired from full-time work when I met her and I was in CAP, flying for Angelflight and the local Sheriff, so she came into the relationship knowing what I was all about.  She also happens to be a pilot, so she knows that side of me.

On occasions, she gets a bit put out at the amount of time that my CAP position requires, but she makes a remark and goes on.  She also knows that my tenure on the Wing Staff ends next November, so that is sort of the light at the end of that tunnel.

From time to time, she has mentioned joining CAP, but then she hears about some of the nonsense put on us by folks in leadership positions and she quietly goes about raising horses.

All in all, not a bad deal as long as I let her know when CAP is going to require me to be away from home.

[Timbo]

My wife was so supportive, she joined CAP a year ago last November and then found blue to be a comfortable fit and joined the Air Force this last November. She has been a real trooper in CAP. She has completed all PME with the exception of NSC.

WOW!!  AFIADL 13, CLC, SLS, RSC all in one year???  How did she even get to go to RSC, she has only been a member for a year??

[Stonewall]

We call'em shake n' bake officers.

[Eclipse]

How did she even get to go to RSC, she has only been a member for a year??

Though RSC is generally recommended for CAP Members with the grade of Major or higher, anyone can go with approval of the Wing CC and RSC staff.

[Chappie]

My wife has been very supportive of my CAP service. Since joining in 1996, my involvement in CAP has been at every level of the organization so my vacation time and free time has been blocked out for cadet activities, teaching at SLS/CLS/UCC/RSC, serving on NSC staff -- attending Wing, Region, National Conferences -- evenings answering e-mails, working on projects, participating in tele-conferences -- participating in SARXs or missions -- and not to mention the purchase of uniform, uniform items, and supplies.

She has become a patron member so she can participate in selected CAP events (and ride in a corporate vehicle when I have to travel in one).

Without her support, I could not be as involved as I am.

But then again, we were also in church ministry work for over 30 years...so she was accustomed to this type of lifestyle.

[CAPLAW]

I tell the bride to be to get over it! (JKA) She reads my post.  She is very supportive and I explained to her that I will be gone most of the summer for NCSA.  Now , If I can get her to join we will be good to go.  Nothing like spending your honey moon at encampment or anniversary at the SAREX.

[Chappie]

I tell the bride to be to get over it! (JKA) She reads my post.  She is very supportive and I explained to her that I will be gone most of the summer for NCSA.  Now , If I can get her to join we will be good to go.  Nothing like spending your honey moon at encampment or anniversary at the SAREX.

Our anniversary has fallen most years during CAWG's encampment.   Since it is near where we live, I scoot and have a nice dinner with my wife and return to finish the evening visits in the bays (BTW I do commute back and forth during the week-days since I work in close proximity to where the encampment is conducted -- after work spend the evenings there).   On more than one occasions the cadets during the evening formation have given my wife and I an anniversary "shout out" 

[brasda91]

Sounds like a lot of you have wives that were AD or are involved in CAP.  Not here.  I was in CAP when we married, began EMT school while we dated and joined the fire dept after we married, thanks to the friends she knew from the fire dept.  She has always seen CAP as an "expenditure".  Always working on CAP and never seeing the benefit of it.  Training, training, training.  With the fire dept. she sees the immediate results (actually being called out on calls) as opposed to vary seldom being called for CAP.  I've been in some form of "community service" since 1993.  CAP just happens to be the one area she doesn't understand. 

[SarDragon]

I met my sweetie WWWOAD, and just before I rejoined CAP. During the ensuing two years, she got to learn a little about what CAP was all about through some long distance correspondence. After we got married, and were actually residing in the same house, I didn't participate for ten years.

Once I reaffiliated with a local unit, she was very supportive, and even joined for a couple of years. These days she is understanding of my duties and obligations, and is willing to work her schedule around them if I ask.

BTW, she is usually accepting of my NFL addiction, and didn't complain at all about my three game day today. All I need now is a Chargers win.

[jimmydeanno]

From my "after meeting meetings" discussion:

Do any of you married SM's feel a bit guilty by stopping and eating when your other half has been at home and had ham sandwhich for supper?  You know what I mean?  You go to the meeting and afterwards stop and have a nice dinner, be it McDonald's or the local tavern.  Personally, I don't think that's fair to my wife.  I guess maybe that's another reason why I don't push it.

I got married 6 years and 3 days ago at the ripe old age of 20.  My wife is a former Mitchell cadet and a senior member.  One of the things we look forward to is going out to eat with our CAP buddies after the meeting.  Things are usually pretty busy and hectic during the meeting to keep up with the other random stuff we'd like to talk about, so dinner provides that opportunity.

We head on out to one of the local restaurants (I can't do much fast food) and usually end up getting home around midnight.

The last 3-4 months though, my wife has been pretty bogged down with school work and she hasn't been all that active, so I end up going out without her.  She knows the drill though and as long as I bring her whatever chocolate desert they have I keep in her good graces

She's really good to me and really supports what I do with CAP because she's seen firsthand as a cadet what good it can do - plus, she tells me she likes how I look in uniform 

[Agathodicy]

I'm a pretty new member (just joined in September), so please take my response for the few months' experience it is worth. My husband is as supportive of my CAP activities as I am of his hobbies. He's an active duty Naval Aviator, so CAP is far from the most time-consuming outside obligation in our lives. Like any couple, we've had to find a balance that lets both of us fulfill our responsibilities and do the fun things we want to do--together and apart. Maybe one day I take on the lion's share of the weekend housework so he can go tear it up at an autocross, and another day he gets dinner going so it's ready when I come home from a training flight. So far, so good. I'd think the only reason for guilt about time spent on an activity should enter into it would be if one spouse is doing all the accommodating and never receiving that same consideration in return.

[bobthebuilder]

My wife is a midwife so she's more likely to get called out for a birth in the middle of the night than I am for a ground team mission. So far I haven't been able to talk her into joining CAP but she is definitely supportive of it. We just go with the flow and understand that one of these days, we're gonna miss Christmas.