Feeling unappreciated

[Techie]

      I been with my squadron for a year and I just renew my membership. This is probably more of a complaint/problem question. Now i'm a female and when I went to my first three meeting, I was kind of upset that there wasn't that much females and everyone wasn't that friendly I mean I only had a few people say hi then after I officially join it felt like I was by myself while everyone was in there clique. I'm now a tsgt. and I had to pretty much learn all the thing I know now by myself. It's pretty madden when you make a mistake and no one correct you until a month later or until something important happen.

       Now I try so much not to complain so I don't become the "whiny bit**" (excuse my language) but I been taken notes and I really want to make a private meeting where it just me and the commander so I can give him some advice without being disrespectful to him but it sound silly and stupid but these problems have really bother me. Like when I was a senior airman, I only commanded one flight and now I see all these males  senior airman commanding more flight than I did when I was a senior airman and it just make me mad. I mean everything is better now (not completely but it better) but sometimes the problem will pop up and just frustrate me.

       I guess my question is should I really be mad? should I tell someone other than my commander about my problem? do I sound like one of those whiny girls? and is there anything I can do right now to change my squadron or help it? Also Im not trying to talk bad about my squadron, cadets, or squadron commander.

[lordmonar]

If you are not satisfied with the program, people or attitudes by all means take that up with your chain of command.
Ask for your private meeting with your commander and/or deputy commander for cadets.
Let him know how you feel.  Be honest, be up front, don't be confrontational.
But by all means let your leadership know how you feel.   

We can't fix it.....if we don't know if it's broken.

Good luck.

[Spam]

Cadet, some advice in parts:

... i'm a female and when I went to my first three meeting, I was kind of upset that there wasn't that much females and everyone wasn't that friendly I mean I only had a few people say hi then after I officially join it felt like I was by myself while everyone was in there clique.

Aviation and the military, for better or worse, attract more males than females. While those of us in the field are working hard to even the playing field to open career opportunities for all, regardless of sex, the gender imbalance is a fact of life that you'll have to get over and deal with. My advice is to not let being outnumbered (as a female) turn you away from CAP or any career opportunities - take it as a challenge, and rise to it to be the best cadet or best student or best engineer or pilot you can be, REGARDLESS of gender.  DO NOT type cast your self as a "whiny b", and don't seek or accept that label for yourself. When you look in the mirror, start thinking of yourself only as a Cadet Noncommissioned Officer who has some respectful questions and perhaps suggestions, and play that role to the hilt.

... I'm now a tsgt. and I had to pretty much learn all the thing I know now by myself. It's pretty madden when you make a mistake and no one correct you until a month later or until something important happen...

... Like when I was a senior airman, I only commanded one flight and now I see all these males  senior airman commanding more flight than I did when I was a senior airman and it just make me mad. I mean everything is better now (not completely but it better) but sometimes the problem will pop up and just frustrate me.

It concerns me that you are a C/TSGT and you (a) can't or don't cite your grade appropriately, (b) refer to how you "commanded one flight" and how other cadets are "commanding more flight", which are inaccurate and unauthorized terms. If you're stating you were assigned as a Flight Commander, that's not a position authorized for enlisted cadets, nor especially for C/Senior Airmen (male or female). If you are stating that you commanded your Flight in drill on the drill pad, you should say so. If you want to be taken seriously as an NCO, start polishing the grammar, using the by the book terms, and so forth.

If with this I'm frustrating you by seeming like I'm focusing on needless detail, can I point out that you yourself claim that you feel you're not getting corrective training to standards.  In any case, I sense that you haven't had a good mentoring session with qualified senior member Cadet Programs officers to discuss your progress and your concerns. Lordmonar is on target with his advice to seek that counseling and mentoring session.

... I really want to make a private meeting where it just me and the commander so I can give him some advice

A private, one on one session is frankly a bad idea, male or female, due to Cadet Protection policy concerns. Specific exemptions are allowed for Chaplains, but even then the sessions should be done within view but out of earshot of others. May I suggest that your meeting should be with two or more officers, similar to a Promotion Board (but perhaps without your Cadet Commander present). Your Commander and his/her Deputy, or perhaps your Leadership Officer, would be good candidates. Before going into the meeting, take pen and paper and jot down your specific concerns and questions. Think about what you really want to get out of this meeting - assurance of equal treatment? Counseling on what they think you'll need to make your next promotion? A request for more specific training, such as a review of cadet positions and job descriptions, etc.? Do you want help with a development road map to help you outline how to get from where you are to where you want to be in CAP or as a pilot, maintainer, engineer, or in the military for example.

On "give him some advice"... there was a semi-famous case a few years ago where an Academy third year cadet presumed to send "advice" to the USAF Chief of Staff and SECAF - and got his rear handed to him. Don't be presumptuous in thinking that you know better than the adult officer assigned as your unit commander. He/She may not have information or may not see what you do, which means to be respectful in offering your point of view, and not to start telling him/her where you think they are failing.

Finally... stick with this. I salute you for not quitting, and for seeking advice, imperfect as our help might be. Best of luck to you.

V/R,
Spam

[Spam]

Note to moderators - suggest this thread be moved to Cadet Programs.

V/R,
Spam

[Holding Pattern]

      I been with my squadron for a year and I just renew my membership. This is probably more of a complaint/problem question. Now i'm a female and when I went to my first three meeting, I was kind of upset that there wasn't that much females and everyone wasn't that friendly I mean I only had a few people say hi then after I officially join it felt like I was by myself while everyone was in there clique. I'm now a tsgt. and I had to pretty much learn all the thing I know now by myself. It's pretty madden when you make a mistake and no one correct you until a month later or until something important happen.

       Now I try so much not to complain so I don't become the "whiny bit**" (excuse my language) but I been taken notes and I really want to make a private meeting where it just me and the commander so I can give him some advice without being disrespectful to him but it sound silly and stupid but these problems have really bother me. Like when I was a senior airman, I only commanded one flight and now I see all these males  senior airman commanding more flight than I did when I was a senior airman and it just make me mad. I mean everything is better now (not completely but it better) but sometimes the problem will pop up and just frustrate me.

       I guess my question is should I really be mad? should I tell someone other than my commander about my problem? do I sound like one of those whiny girls? and is there anything I can do right now to change my squadron or help it? Also Im not trying to talk bad about my squadron, cadets, or squadron commander.

I'd like to take a moment and recap your stated issues.

1. The gender ratio in your squadron is one-sided.
2. You aren't being properly mentored, and are basically being self-taught.
3. Your mistakes aren't being corrected by your peers in a timely fashion.
4. You aren't being given the same command opportunities as other cadets.

Assuming this is a good recap, here are my thoughts on solutions:

1. Are there any girls you know that you can recruit into the squadron? If there are, this gives you an opportunity to not only correct problem 1, but also to be a mentor to these new squadron members. Recruiting in CAP is not always the best, and unfortunately, correcting this may come down to you finding like-minded people to join.
2. I touched on that a little bit above: Ask your command which cadet they currently consider to be the best mentor in the squadron. After getting a name, ask that mentor work with you to become a better cadet. If you don't get a name, then ask what you need to do to become the best mentor in the squadron.
3. This one can be a really fuzzy subject. Sometimes, people just don't know the regulations, or aren't paying attention, and it isn't until a big event that people start examining the details and finding all the flaws in how you are currently accomplishing your mission. Or people know something is wrong but don't consider it important to mention until later. There really isn't much you can do here except ask that your mistakes aren't held against you when something is brought to your attention as wrong the first time you are told about it. Now if they have to tell you again later, that is a different story.
4. This can be a function of bad timing as much as anything else, but if it keeps happening, my suggestion would be to look for another cadet at your level with the responsibilities you want, and ask your command what objectives you need to meet to be considered for that level of responsibility. If you are meeting the requirements for a job you want and the membership levels can support it, you will get that job.

And if you don't get that job, and you have the above ducks in a row, that is something you can bring to your commander's attention that he or she would be able to take action on quite easily.


I'd like to take a moment and applaud your self-taught approach when the mentoring system let you down. CAP isn't always perfect (ok, it's never perfect,) but people in it generally take note when someone diligently applies themselves and comes up with not just a list of problems, but potential solutions as well.

If you set that meeting up with your commander, I would strongly suggest creating a list of the issues you see and creating a list of possible solutions you see to these problems. Ask your for commander their view of the problems you have listed and what solutions they see to those problems as well.

Take notes in the meeting as well.

Anyhow, that is just my thoughts.

[TheSkyHornet]

You aren't going to be able to force the male-to-female ratio to change. Even with the best of recruiting, the numbers will likely never be 50-50. But don't sulk on that too much. Many women throughout the military have gone on to do great things, in an environment predominately of males.

I agree with some of the previous replies regarding the mentor-ship. It sounds like the mentoring isn't going too well for your squadron. That's something to address. But before you bring up any criticisms, be prepared to be asked, "Okay, so what plans do you offer to fix it?" On paper, that isn't necessarily your job--deciding how to fix problems. You're being responsible by bringing attention to problems. But in reality, a lot of people, especially those you feel aren't doing such a great job, will turn to asking for your input since it was you that pointed out the issue.

Try not to focus so much on the fact that others are doing more now than you did in the past. More does not equal worse. Things are being run differently than when you were an Airman. You might not always agree with every change, but things will change whether you like it or not. What is good is bringing attention to it if you feel there is a problem. Just be careful that you aren't confusing a change of leadership with sexism. Be open-minded, and if you feel like you aren't being treated fairly by a particular individual, I would talk with that person off-to-the-side about it to see if maybe that is the case.

I respect the fact that you aren't giving up, and that you're willing to go outside to get suggestions to start making changes. This shows me that you still care about your squadron and your CAP career. Make sure you are going through the chain of command for all of this, unless you are concerned for your personal safety or any form of harassment it might bring for you to address these problems.

What I would strongly suggest, more than anything, is know that even if things start to get better, it will take time for everyone to adapt. Unless it's a matter of safety/security, or an abrupt policy change, you aren't usually going to see a light switch on in a quick flash. Let the changes bleed in over time and let people adapt to them. Sometimes you have to correct one issue at a time, and you'll often find that issues are generally linked to one another. Be patient, but be firm, and make sure the changes are being enforced if that's coming down from your squadron leadership.

[Майор Хаткевич]

Our unit currently has the top two cadet leadership positions filled by two female C/Officers. We've also got a few in ranks, and a few potentials coming in. They are still a minority, but nothing in CAP precludes girls from being as successful as the boys - the program is structured to insure that.

[TheSkyHornet]

Our unit currently has the top two cadet leadership positions filled by two female C/Officers. We've also got a few in ranks, and a few potentials coming in. They are still a minority, but nothing in CAP precludes girls from being as successful as the boys - the program is structured to insure that.

+1

I have yet to see any evidence, in our Wing at least, that suggests the females have to compete with males on a higher level to prove themselves. Our last encampment had a female First Sergeant that was superb. A local squadron also has a great female First Sergeant as well. Our squadron has a female element leader, who first came in being the "quiet girl sitting in the back." Having gone to an all-girl's school most of her life, she hasn't had a lot of interaction is what are commonly considered "masculine activities." She's progressed to speaking up, and quickly reaching out to new cadets when they join to help them with their uniforms and schedules. Another local wing just lost their C/CC who was a female since she went off to college.I think our Wing has done a very good job at keeping the culture appreciative of both genders and all age ranges. Sure, there are still some flaws here and there, but we pride ourselves in the idea that anyone can succeed if they put the work into the job and self improvement.

Sometimes, you have to overcome some adversities. It sucks. It does. The key is to keep your head up, do the job you were assigned, and don't take any crap. In the end, the people underneath you will look up to you because you'll have your stuff together when it comes time to take charge of a situation.

[Eaker Guy]

Our unit currently has the top two cadet leadership positions filled by two female C/Officers. We've also got a few in ranks, and a few potentials coming in. They are still a minority, but nothing in CAP precludes girls from being as successful as the boys - the program is structured to insure that.

+1. My deputy is a female. Over the past 2-3 years we've had females in high positions.  Nothing stops y'all from succeeding.