Cadating

[Garibaldi]

No you're not, but you have to find a way to exist within the reg.  whether one turns senior or one temporarily leaves CAP.  Unfortunately there really aren't good answers.

That's where good leaders use their common sense and make the "best" decision for all involved.

The "best" decision for all involved is to simply not date within CAP - learning the lesson of not mixing work
with your dating life early will serve them well.  For every "success" story, there's 1.7526438 Million fiery crashes.

Between 12 and 21, the odds of any relationship lasting more then a few months, maybe a couple years are very small,
and once you've crossed that bridge, you still have to go back to the squadron, and in many, many cases, the odds
are one or both cadets quits CAP soon after.

There is zero advantage to the organization, and significant risk to both the organization and the cadets.

The regs may say "I guess if you have to" but the advice should always be "100% no".

A very good point. Say Cadet Amy is dating Cadet Sheldon. They're happy, they go to different schools so they don't see each other much. They are excellent cadets, ground team, drill team, all that good stuff. Cadet Amy is a flight sergeant under Cadet Sheldon. They seem to work well together.

Then, the inevitable happens. They go to encampment, and somehow Cadet Amy's feelings get hurt because the new flight sergeant under Cadet Sheldon, Cadet Penny, is nursing a huge crush on him. Cadet Sheldon is flattered, and somehow Cadet Amy gets it in her head that Cadet Sheldon is cheating on her with Cadet Penny, and dumps him in front of God and everyone.

Back at home, the two don't work so well anymore, and the flight suffers due to the unresolved tension between the two. Eventually, Cadet Amy decides it might be in everyone's best interest that she quit, much to the detriment and shock of her flight. Morale suffers for a while until the dust settles. Then, Cadet Penny transfers in suddenly, and Cadets Leonard, Raj, and Howard go bat crap crazy trying to impress her, while Cadet Sheldon watches on in what can only be described as bemusement and a little sadness that his time with Cadet Amy is at an end, and eventually quits himself, devoting his time to theoretical physics.

Yes, it can happen.

[AirAux]

Sounds like spoken from experience Garibaldi...

[Tim Medeiros]

No you're not, but you have to find a way to exist within the reg.  whether one turns senior or one temporarily leaves CAP.  Unfortunately there really aren't good answers.

That's where good leaders use their common sense and make the "best" decision for all involved.

The "best" decision for all involved is to simply not date within CAP - learning the lesson of not mixing work
with your dating life early will serve them well.  For every "success" story, there's 1.7526438 Million fiery crashes.

Between 12 and 21, the odds of any relationship lasting more then a few months, maybe a couple years are very small,
and once you've crossed that bridge, you still have to go back to the squadron, and in many, many cases, the odds
are one or both cadets quits CAP soon after.

There is zero advantage to the organization, and significant risk to both the organization and the cadets.

The regs may say "I guess if you have to" but the advice should always be "100% no".

A very good point. Say Cadet Amy is dating Cadet Sheldon. They're happy, they go to different schools so they don't see each other much. They are excellent cadets, ground team, drill team, all that good stuff. Cadet Amy is a flight sergeant under Cadet Sheldon. They seem to work well together.

Then, the inevitable happens. They go to encampment, and somehow Cadet Amy's feelings get hurt because the new flight sergeant under Cadet Sheldon, Cadet Penny, is nursing a huge crush on him. Cadet Sheldon is flattered, and somehow Cadet Amy gets it in her head that Cadet Sheldon is cheating on her with Cadet Penny, and dumps him in front of God and everyone.

Back at home, the two don't work so well anymore, and the flight suffers due to the unresolved tension between the two. Eventually, Cadet Amy decides it might be in everyone's best interest that she quit, much to the detriment and shock of her flight. Morale suffers for a while until the dust settles. Then, Cadet Penny transfers in suddenly, and Cadets Leonard, Raj, and Howard go bat crap crazy trying to impress her, while Cadet Sheldon watches on in what can only be described as bemusement and a little sadness that his time with Cadet Amy is at an end, and eventually quits himself, devoting his time to theoretical physics.

Yes, it can happen.

This seems familiar for some reason and I just can't quite put my finger on it 

[Cadetter]

We had a cadet staff member who had a crush on her next-up in the chain, and she accidentally let him find out about it but he didn't care for her in that way. He got embarrassed and there was some tension there for a while.

[Flying Pig]

I think Amy, Sheldon and Penny have been with every agency I have worked for    But nobody I know studies physics thats for sure.  So must not be the same people!

[THRAWN]

No you're not, but you have to find a way to exist within the reg.  whether one turns senior or one temporarily leaves CAP.  Unfortunately there really aren't good answers.

That's where good leaders use their common sense and make the "best" decision for all involved.

The "best" decision for all involved is to simply not date within CAP - learning the lesson of not mixing work
with your dating life early will serve them well.  For every "success" story, there's 1.7526438 Million fiery crashes.

Between 12 and 21, the odds of any relationship lasting more then a few months, maybe a couple years are very small,
and once you've crossed that bridge, you still have to go back to the squadron, and in many, many cases, the odds
are one or both cadets quits CAP soon after.

There is zero advantage to the organization, and significant risk to both the organization and the cadets.

The regs may say "I guess if you have to" but the advice should always be "100% no".

A very good point. Say Cadet Amy is dating Cadet Sheldon. They're happy, they go to different schools so they don't see each other much. They are excellent cadets, ground team, drill team, all that good stuff. Cadet Amy is a flight sergeant under Cadet Sheldon. They seem to work well together.

Then, the inevitable happens. They go to encampment, and somehow Cadet Amy's feelings get hurt because the new flight sergeant under Cadet Sheldon, Cadet Penny, is nursing a huge crush on him. Cadet Sheldon is flattered, and somehow Cadet Amy gets it in her head that Cadet Sheldon is cheating on her with Cadet Penny, and dumps him in front of God and everyone.

Back at home, the two don't work so well anymore, and the flight suffers due to the unresolved tension between the two. Eventually, Cadet Amy decides it might be in everyone's best interest that she quit, much to the detriment and shock of her flight. Morale suffers for a while until the dust settles. Then, Cadet Penny transfers in suddenly, and Cadets Leonard, Raj, and Howard go bat crap crazy trying to impress her, while Cadet Sheldon watches on in what can only be described as bemusement and a little sadness that his time with Cadet Amy is at an end, and eventually quits himself, devoting his time to theoretical physics.

Yes, it can happen.

It can also happen on the SM side as well. And the results are just as bad....from experience...

[Eclipse]

It can also happen on the SM side as well. And the results are just as bad....from experience...

100% agree, and the adults should leave it at home as well.

Like anything else that requires "discretion" people with maturity are able to handle these things with discretion and decorum,
however unfortunately we have a lot of middle-aged high school kids, not to mention 40 year old adult cadets for whom
discretion, let alone decorum, isn't even in their lexicon.

[MajorM]

And we all know teenagers listen to the guidance of their elders when it comes to affairs of the heart

[Eclipse]

True, but at least you can have an "I told you so." chambered for the disciplinary hearing.

[a2capt]

Yes, it can happen.

s/Flight Sergeant/C/CC and C/XO and.. yes. It has happened. Left unchecked, it can pretty much gut your whole program. Ultimately, I can't stop it, but if I even get the inkling that it's having -any- effect on the other cadets, it will be dealt with to the extent that we can so that it does not.

[Salty]

Forming relationships is completely understandable when like-minded people spend so much time together.  I saw it quite a bit when I was deployed overseas in the USAF.  However, take the advice of those of us who have been in those situations and don't do it.

BTW, theoretical physics is much easier than dealing with intra-CAP relationships as a cadet.

[Cadetter]

Not too long ago we did "What's it to You" (from CAPP 265-2) for a Character Development discussion - it was interesting, to say the very least. The cadet commander said "it" needed to stop ASAP, but others disagreed.

[Johnny Yuma]

This is great training for our future adults.  Dating co-workers rarely ends well in real life.  Learn that now.

FASCINATING...

I'll have to tell my wife, we've been together over 20 years and married for 16.

give you 3 guesses where WE met?

[PHall]

This is great training for our future adults.  Dating co-workers rarely ends well in real life.  Learn that now.

FASCINATING...

I'll have to tell my wife, we've been together over 20 years and married for 16.

give you 3 guesses where WE met?

Guess you missed that "rarely" part.

[SilentPhantom]

I think that a bit of rank difference can sometimes be a good thing. It gives the cadets less reason to interact, which leaves less room for fraternization at meetings/activites. However, there are of course possible adverse effects...

[Spartan]

I have seen people involved in cadet relationships that have been professional, and kept their relationship out of CAP.  They were strong leaders and did their job with skill that would make you think they had gone to school for it.  They knew how to resolve conflict out of sight of the rest of the unit. They also kept their public display of affection to a minimum.

For every cadet relationship I encounter like this, I see ten that are detrimental to everyones' morale. Cadets, before you are the one who says "I am the exception" consider, if your relationship with your fellow cadet ends, can you act professionally and responsibly when everything ends? My experience is even senior members have problems with this.

My interpretation of the regs is that people who are disproportionate in age (a 13 year old and 17 year old), or rank (element member and c\cc), or grade (c/amn and c/maj) is a no-go. I would strongly discourage cadets who are direct or indirect supervisor and subordinate from engaging in a romantic relationship.

[Johnny Yuma]

I always enjoy watching TLC students who were not cadets, when we discuss this topic.  You say definite dating cadets and immediately they react with "No!" and " Yuck!".  This is because they have a 40 year old guy and a 17 year old female in their mind's eye.

Then I posit the dating cadet couple who are 20 & 19.  One turns 21.  Now what?  Of course the policy is the same, but you see a softening of their attitude.

It's not always as easy a situation as one might think.

I think with the couple with one in transition it's always the "grey area"  yes the regs say they shouldn't.  But at the same time we're not going to break a couple up over something like this.

But there are some, even a few on this board, who believe that this is cadet abuse and/or an undue influence on the junior.

Yet many of these people stand mute when the 60 y.o. Colonel makes repeated passes at the brand new 18 y.o. SMWOG with the huge, um, tracts of land. 

[Johnny Yuma]

I've seen cadating fail miserably. I've also seen just as many marriages come of it as well.

I've also seen a few cadet/senior relationships occur under the radar, including one involving a gentleman who later became a Wing King.
It's amazing how everyone knows about these relationships except the Luddites who go out of their way to find trouble that's not there.

[Eclipse]

^ It's amazing how people can ignore clear rules because they "know better".

The decision making skills of that "gentlemen" clearly indicated he had zero business being a Wing Commander.

Those who knew about it were duty-bound to report it.

[lordmonar]

I always enjoy watching TLC students who were not cadets, when we discuss this topic.  You say definite dating cadets and immediately they react with "No!" and " Yuck!".  This is because they have a 40 year old guy and a 17 year old female in their mind's eye.

Then I posit the dating cadet couple who are 20 & 19.  One turns 21.  Now what?  Of course the policy is the same, but you see a softening of their attitude.

It's not always as easy a situation as one might think.

I think with the couple with one in transition it's always the "grey area"  yes the regs say they shouldn't.  But at the same time we're not going to break a couple up over something like this.

But there are some, even a few on this board, who believe that this is cadet abuse and/or an undue influence on the junior.

Yet many of these people stand mute when the 60 y.o. Colonel makes repeated passes at the brand new 18 y.o. SMWOG with the huge, um, tracts of land.

Mute.......or just don't care?    Two adults doing adult things.....may not like it....but there you go.   You got to give me something more then old guy making passes at you girl.

You got sexual harassment?  You got undue influence?  You got favoritism?  You got some Quid Pro Quo?