Shark Patrol

[wuzafuzz]

I saw this article and wondered who is doing the flying.
http://www.bostonherald.com/news/regional/view/20220802air_patrols_boost_fin_watch/srvc=home&position=2

Probably not CAP, but my brain still imagined CAP reports of "saw shark, sank same."   

[MIKE]

We're gonna need a bigger plane.

[Garibaldi]

We're gonna need a bigger plane.

Man goes into plane, plane goes into water. Shark's in the water. Our shark.

[Critical AOA]

I'm planning on getting my seaplane rating in the next month or two, so I'm game.  Of course, we will need to revisit the carrying weapons thread. 

[lordmonar]

If memory serves.......we need an M-1 Garand and a SCUBA tank.....or barring that....a high voltage power line....or we have to feed the shark a cadet with a hand gernade.

Look....I don't make up these rules...I only pass them on! 

[Critical AOA]

The least we could do for the cadet "volunteer" is to let him wear ABUs with a ranger tab.

[lordmonar]

The least we could do for the cadet "volunteer" is to let him wear ABUs with a ranger tab.

He has to wear 3D glasses though....or it does not count.

[arajca]

If memory serves.......we need an M-1 Garand and a SCUBA tank.....or barring that....a high voltage power line....or we have to feed the shark a cadet with a hand gernade.

Look....I don't make up these rules...I only pass them on! 

Your memory serves, but that was proven to be a Hollywood gimick. Adam and Jamie couldn't make it happen, despite putting holes in several scuba tanks.

[lordmonar]

If memory serves.......we need an M-1 Garand and a SCUBA tank.....or barring that....a high voltage power line....or we have to feed the shark a cadet with a hand gernade.

Look....I don't make up these rules...I only pass them on! 

Your memory serves, but that was proven to be a Hollywood gimick. Adam and Jamie couldn't make it happen, despite putting holes in several scuba tanks.

HEY!  No fair brining reality into this conversation!

[Flying Pig]

I would probably imagine the MA Dept of Marine and Fisheries is doing the flying

[Phil Hirons, Jr.]

We're gonna need a bigger plane.

Man goes into plane, plane goes into water. Shark's in the water. Our shark.

I've got no spit.

[Shotgun]

We're gonna need a bigger plane.

Man goes into plane, plane goes into water. Shark's in the water. Our shark.

I've got no spit.

"Well this is not an airplane accident! And it wasn't any propeller! It wasn't any coral reef!  And it wan't Jack The Ripper.   It was a shark!"

Classic Movie Line #23

[Major Lord]

Can you still buy depth charges on the Internet?

Major Lord

[Garibaldi]

Can you still buy depth charges on the Internet?

Major Lord

I think we still have one floating around..no pun intended.

[PHall]

Can you still buy depth charges on the Internet?

Major Lord

You can buy anything on the internet. Of course they'll be overpriced over on E-Bay.

[niferous]

My grandad was a very good shot in the Navy and got tasked with "shark and jelly fish watch" in the Navy during WWII. They would let sailors swim on the side of the boat and in case a shark swam near or a jelly fish they had a few sailors standing by with rifles.

[Cliff_Chambliss]

Not really a shark but I am sure Civil Air Patrol could find a spot in this matrix.

Subject: Snake killing military style.

HOW TO ATTACK A SNAKE - MILITARY STYLE, or,  The Differential Theory of US Armed Forces (Snake Model) upon encountering a snake in the Area of Operations (AO)

1. Infantry: Snake smells them, leaves area.

2. Airborne: Lands on and kills the snake.

3. Armor: Runs over snake, laughs, and looks for more snakes.

4. Aviation: Has Global Positioning Satellite coordinates to snake.  Can't find snake.  Returns to base for refuel, crew rest and manicure.

5. Ranger: Plays with snake, then eats it.

6. Field Artillery: Kills snake with massive Time On Target barrage with three forward Artillery Brigades in support.  Kills several hundred civilians as unavoidable collateral damage.  Mission is considered a success and all participants (i.e., cooks, mechanics and clerks) are awarded Silver Stars.

7. Special Forces: Makes contact with snake, ignores all State Department directives and Theater Commander Rules of Engagement by building rapport with snake and winning its heart and mind. Trains it to kill other snakes.  Files enormous travel settlement upon return.

8. Combat Engineer: Studies snake.  Prepares in-depth doctrinal thesis in obscure 5 series Field Manual about how to defeat snake using countermobility assets.  Complains that maneuver forces don't understand how too properly conduct doctrinal counter-snake ops.

9. Navy SEAL: Expends all ammunition and calls for naval gunfire support in failed attempt to kill snake.  Snake bites SEAL and retreats to safety.   Hollywood makes fantasy film in which SEALS kill Muslim extremist snakes.

10. Navy: Fires off 50 cruise missiles from various types of ships, kills snake and makes presentation to Senate Appropriations Committee on how Naval forces are the most cost-effective means of anti-snake force projection.

11. Marine: Kills snake by accident while looking for souvenirs.  Local civilians demand removal of all US forces from Area of Operations.

12. Marine Recon: Follows snake, gets lost.

13. Combat Controllers: Guides snake elsewhere.

14. Para-Rescue Jumper: Wounds snake in initial encounter, then works feverishly to save snake's life.

15. Supply: (NOTICE: Your anti-snake equipment is on backorder.)

16. Transport pilot: Receives call for anti-snake equipment, and delivers two weeks after due date.

17. F-15 pilot: misidentifies snake as enemy MI-24 Hind helicopter and engages with missiles.  Crew chief paints snake kill on aircraft.

18. F-16 pilot: Finds snake, drops two CBU-87 cluster bombs, and misses snake target, but get direct hit on Embassy 100 KM East of snake due to weather (Too Hot also Too Cold, Was Clear but too overcast, Too Dry with Rain, Unlimited Ceiling with Low Cloud Cover etc.)  Claims that
purchasing multi-million dollar, high-tech snake-killing device will enable it in the future to kill all snakes and achieve a revolution in military affairs.

19. AH-64 Apache pilot: Unable to locate snake, snakes don't show well on infrared.  Infrared only operable in desert AOs without power lines or SAMs.

20. UH-60 Blackhawk pilot: Finds snake on fourth pass after snake builds bonfire, pops smoke, lays out VS 17 to mark Landing Zone.  Rotor wash blows snake into fire.

21. B-52 pilot: Pulls ARCLIGHT mission on snake, kills snake and every other living thing within two miles of target.

22. Missile crew: Lays in target coordinates to snake in 20 seconds, but can't receive authorization from National Command Authority to use weapons.

23. Intelligence officer: Snake?  What snake?  Only four of 35 indicators of snake activity are currently active.  We assess the potential for snake activity as LOW.

24. Coast Guard (USCG): Chases snake. Fires shot across snake's bow.  Boards snake and detains it.  Sends it to foreign snake impoundment camp at Guantanamo Bay.

25. Judge Advocate General (JAG): Snake declines to bite, citing  grounds of  professional courtesy.

[Phil Hirons, Jr.]

A shorter version of The Differential Theory of US Armed Forces.

Order: "Secure that building."

Army: Destroys building.

Marines: Forms a perimeter, nothing gets in or out.

Navy: Turns off the lights and locks all doors.

Air Force: Negotiates a five year lease with a 5 year option.

[Garibaldi]

A shorter version of The Differential Theory of US Armed Forces.

Order: "Secure that building."

Army: Destroys building.

Marines: Forms a perimeter, nothing gets in or out.

Navy: Turns off the lights and locks all doors.

Air Force: Negotiates a five year lease with a 5 year option.

CAP: Has bake sale, buys MasterLock, forgets to budget for a hasp, has cadets guard door

[ol'fido]

Unit in RVN is low crawling through a field in an "attempt" to sneak up on a VC village. One soldier has a cobra rear up directly in front of him. Soldier jumps up and shoots off a whole magazine of ammo at the cobra thereby blowing the unit's raid. The unit is forced to assault the village from there but most of the VC escape. After the shooting has stopped....

Platoon Sergeant: "Private, don't you think there was something else you could have done in that situation?"

Private: "Yes, Sergeant, but I didn't think there was time to call in an airstrike."

Read that one a long time ago in Reader's Digest "Humor in Uniform."