Recruiting advert

[usafcap1]

I have been working on this project for about a week. My commander wants me to email it tonight. Tell me how this sounds. Should I add or drop anything. Feedback please and Thank you.


Looking to get your foot in the door or continue your service?

Get a jumpstart on your military career with the United States Air Force Auxiliary!
In the United States Air Force Auxiliary you can get training in a lot of specialties fields such as Transportation, Communications, Operations, Cadet Programs and many more. Want to break out of the norm? We also have positions in Chaplain! If you are serious about getting a head start in life, consider becoming a part of our team!

Civil Air Patrol (CAP) is a congressionally chartered, federally supported, non-profit corporation that serves as the official of the United States Air Force Auxiliary.  CAP is a volunteer organization with an aviation-minded membership that includes people from all backgrounds, lifestyles, and occupations. It performs three congressionally assigned key missions: Emergency Services, which includes search and rescue (by air and ground) and disaster relief operations; Aerospace Education for youth and the general public; and Cadet Programs for teenage youth. Since 9/11 CAP has recently been tasked with Homeland Security and Courier service missions. CAP also performs non-auxiliary missions for various governmental and private agencies, such as local law enforcement and the American Red Cross.

Benefits:
- Continue working or going to school full time while still serving your country.
- Give back to your community.
- Become a part of the family that is the United States Air Force Auxiliary, Civil Air Patrol!

Prior Service preferred but not required:
- All branches accepted.
- Learn a new specialty with the United States Air Force Auxiliary!

Basic Qualifications:
- Age 12 – No limit
- Good moral character.
- Good physical health.
- High school juniors and seniors ok.


Ask about additional benefits and opportunities for college degree holders!


Serve your community by joining our team. We are teachers, policemen, students, and everyday citizens who serve once a week.

[Woodsy]

There's a couple missing words and grammar issues, but 3 main things...

1:  Put Civil Air Patrol at the top, not just United States Air Force Auxiliary.

2:  Drop the prior service preferred but not required bit.  It's not preferred.  It's also not, not preferred (forgive the double-negative.)  It's irrelevant and doesn't matter whatsoever. 

3:  Get rid of the "once a week" statement at the end.

[RogueLeader]

I would state differentiation between Cadets and Senior Members.  I would state under SM that Prior military service is not required.

Would change "Get a jump start on your Military Career" to Learn some basics of military life" as there is no requirement for military service, but they will get a very small taste of what military life can be like.

Would change the bit about Chaplains to say "We also have positions for Chaplains that are qualified clergy members only.

I would also straight remove the line about Juniors and Seniors.

[FARRIER]

- Good physical health.

Delete "Good physical health".  As an example, a 14 year old in a wheelchair. Nothing preventing him/her from joining CAP. How is "Good physical health" defined?

[Pylon]

First of all, what is this for?  Your squadron website?  Publication in someone else's newsletter?  A flyer?  A handout for events?  The intended use and audience would make a huge difference on the subject, length, and details you'd include.

That aside, as a stand-alone block of text, this is incredibly vague, makes no distinctions between the cadet program and volunteering as a senior member, seems to really focus heavily on the "Air Force Auxiliary" part, doesn't mention dues, sounds misleading to me (benefits for college degree holders? I have a master's and don't get any special benefits) and sounds an awful lot like a military recruiting ad.  There are also serious grammar issues with which a native English speaker may be able to help you.

[usafcap1]

First of all, what is this for?  Your squadron website?  Publication in someone else's newsletter?  A flyer?  A handout for events?  The intended use and audience would make a huge difference on the subject, length, and details you'd include.

That aside, as a stand-alone block of text, this is incredibly vague, makes no distinctions between the cadet program and volunteering as a senior member, seems to really focus heavily on the "Air Force Auxiliary" part, doesn't mention dues, sounds misleading to me (benefits for college degree holders? I have a master's and don't get any special benefits) and sounds an awful lot like a military recruiting ad.  There are also serious grammar issues with which a native English speaker may be able to help you.

Its for a school newspaper and a city newspaper. I just didn't want to have to make two different ads just one universal ad. Its has a lot of grammatical errors its just a sample.

[JK657]

1. Spelling does matter, even on a rough draft... if you take the time to put it on here take the time to at least do it right

2. A couple of months ago you posted the same question and there was a lengthy discussion about it.
http://captalk.net/index.php?topic=16339.msg295050#msg295050

[Pylon]

First of all, what is this for?  Your squadron website?  Publication in someone else's newsletter?  A flyer?  A handout for events?  The intended use and audience would make a huge difference on the subject, length, and details you'd include.

Its for a school newspaper and a city newspaper. I just didn't want to have to make two different ads just one universal ad.

No.  Write the school ad for the school audience and the city newspaper one for the city newspaper.  They are completely different audiences.  Aim the school newspaper one at attracting cadets; aim the city newspaper at attracting senior members.

Though has anybody at your city newspaper actually promised you ad space or column inches, or were you just planning on sending them a block of text with a request to print it?  Is this supposed to be a press release?  Is this supposed to be an advertisement? 

Either way, you need to coordinate this with your squadron Public Affairs Officer.  If that position is vacant, with the concurrence of your squadron commander, you need to reach out to the Public Affairs Officer at Group (if you have Groups there, if not, then the Wing Director of Public Affairs).  You really shouldn't be preparing things to go off into the public arena without the Public Affairs Officer's involvement, advice, and input. 

[JK657]

A little more digging and here is the same question again:

http://captalk.net/index.php?topic=16301.0

Plus the one I mentioned earlier: http://captalk.net/index.php?topic=16339.msg295050#msg295050

So, you've now asked this question to this forum THREE times! You were even called out in the second one for asking the same question again...

[a2capt]

I think the over all tone of the thing is wrong. Are we looking for members of an after hours Air Force club?

Or are we looking for Civil Air Patrol prospects?

Because your text is totally written for the former, and nearly misses on the latter.

Do it right, the first time. Target the audience with the vehicle. The newspaper and student paper are two totally separate venues. Don't waste peoples time with irrelevant text. They'll blow off the thing sooner than you think. Keep it meaningful, to the point, and on target.

Read the other two threads again.

[Stonewall]

I used this time and time again when I was a DCC or CC in the local community newspaper under "community events".

Civil Air Patrol is looking for young adults, ages 12 to 17 to join our ranks.  Interested in aviation?  Or maybe the military?  If so, the Civil Air Patrol Cadet Program is for you.  If you're looking for a challenge, join us for an informative introduction to Civil Air Patrol, the official civilian auxiliary of the U.S. Air Force.  Meet CAP cadets and hear first-hand what it's like to be a cadet.  Learn about the incredible opportunities CAP has to offer, including flight training, leadership development, search and rescue, military drill, and much more.  We'll explain all the benefits of belonging to one of America's finest youth programs.

Visit the Fairfax Squadron on September 15th at 8:00 pm during our open house.  Fairfax meets every Monday from 7:00 to 9:15 pm at the Fairfax American Legion, 3939 Oak Street in Fairfax.  For more information call (703) 742-XXXX or write fairfaxsquadron@comcast.net, and be sure to visit the squadron website at www.fairfaxsquadron.org

[Майор Хаткевич]

Change that to 12-18 and you're all set!

[Flying Pig]

Ask about additional benefits and opportunities for college degree holders!

  What would that be? You are going to tell them about an advanced rank they know nothing about that really doesn't do anything for them?  If I walked in as a "degree holder" asking about these additional benefits, Im probably not interested in some emblem I get to wear.  I would feel awkward starting off the conversation about uniform items (rank) for having a degree. 
Just sayin' I think it would end up being a    moment.

Lets face it, no job in CAP requires you to have any college degree. 

[NCRblues]

Lets face it, no job in CAP requires you to have any college degree.

Except the National Commanders now 

[Garibaldi]

Lets face it, no job in CAP requires you to have any college degree.

Except the National Commanders now 

Just the AFIDL(?) courses if you want to avoid RSC.

[Stonewall]

Change that to 12-18 and you're all set!

Once you're 18 you can't join as a cadet.

[Flying Pig]

Lets face it, no job in CAP requires you to have any college degree.

Except the National Commanders now 

OK, when they join we will tell them about how they are qualified to be the National Commander.

[ßτε]

Change that to 12-18 and you're all set!

Once you're 18 you can't join as a cadet.

Not correct. Once you turn 19, you cannot join as a cadet. See CAPR 39-2 para 2-2a.

[Stonewall]

Change that to 12-18 and you're all set!

Once you're 18 you can't join as a cadet.

Not correct. Once you turn 19, you cannot join as a cadet. See CAPR 39-2 para 2-2a.

What?  Have I been in 25 years and misinformed?  Did that change in recent years?  I haven't run into an 18 year old wanting to join in many years.  But I thought once you turned 18 you could no longer join as a cadet.

[Eclipse]

What?  Have I been in 25 years and misinformed?  Did that change in recent years?  I haven't run into an 18 year old wanting to join in many years.  But I thought once you turned 18 you could no longer join as a cadet.

Well, current rev of 39-2 is dated 2012, but the last rev from 2004 contains the same language, so it's at least 10 years.

2-1
"Cadets who become members before their 19th birthday may retain their cadet status until they reach 21 years of age"

2-2
"a. Twelve years of age through 18 years of age."

So they cold still join as a cadet all the way through their 19th birthday.