Achievement 8 Speech

[Reader5567]

So I just finished my first draft of my leadership essay and would like some feedback. It's word count is 470, so it is within the requirements.

Imagine a world with no leadership. What is it like? It is chaotic, unruly, an anarchy, and the opposite of democracy! I would compare it to a scene from the movie The Purge. This movie imagines a world, where, once a year, there are no laws. A world without leadership would be exactly like a scene from that movie, except that "one day" without laws would be every day.
In this essay, I will be examining the differences between leadership and followership, as well as the relationship between the leader and the follower. The main difference between leadership and followership is the role the leader and the follower play.
The leader plays a very important role. He has many goals in mind, with his first to guide his followers. They must be flexible, and adapt to any situation. But besides this, they must be a teacher, for that is the role of a leader. The leader's largest goal, the one that all of his other goals strive to achieve, is to train his followers to be leaders one day.
The follower plays an entirely different role. They must be respectful, both towards their leader and their fellow followers. They are the ones doing the dirty work. Many followers express jealously or hatred toward their leaders, for having them do all the work, but that is not the mindset a follower can afford to have.
Now, I will discuss the relationship between a leader and a follower, and its importance. I would like you to imagine a world like that of ours, except that all of the leaders are gone. There is no government, no teachers, and, most importantly, no Civil Air Patrol. All of those who did not hold leadership roles have no instructions. Kitchen staffs do not know what to cook. Retail employees cannot solve problems their management normally could help them with. Schools become madness, with no teachers and no actual learning taking place.
Now, imagine the obverse: a world with no followers. I will use the same examples that I did when I discussed a world with no leaders. Kitchen staff are now gone, leaving only a couple managers who may not even know how to utilize the equipment. There is no one to prepare the food! In retail stores, all the cashiers and restock staff are gone. Only the managers are left, and spread far-and-few between. Schools have no purpose, as there is no one to teach.
Looking back on the last two paragraphs, we can see that the follower needs a leader in order to properly function, but the follower needs a leader to properly function as well. The main difference between a leader and a follower is the role each plays, and followers and leaders each rely on each other in order to function.

Please feel free to be as blunt as you need too. Thanks!

[FlightNut]

Seems pretty good. Clear organization and thesis statements, along with examples. However, in the last paragraph, you have this sentence:

Looking back on the last two paragraphs, we can see that the follower needs a leader in order to properly function, but the follower needs a leader to properly function as well.

The underlined section is redundant, so maybe add another statement that helps summarize your essay.

Another part you may need to work on is your 3rd paragraph. It strongly suggests that leaders are people who sit back and order their followers to do all their work, when really they should be down in the dirt, working alongside their followers. Followers aren't only there so leaders can use them, they are there to learn from their leader and watch leadership in action.

That's pretty much what stuck out to me. But good first draft, and good luck on your speech!