EMT Jokes

[SarDragon]

  FORD: Found on road dead.
           Forgotten or redundant daily
           Fix or repair daily

Used to be - First On Race Day

[sarmed1]

forgot the EMS rule of 3's:
at 3 am the patient will be located on the 3rd floor and weigh at least 300 lbs.

Providers should no longer refer to cardiac arrest outcomes as transfered to the ECU (eternal care unit)

if all other treatment plans fail, initate a rapid diesel infusion.

i,i,i,i,i,i,i,i,i,i.... is not to be refered to as status hispanicus

contrary to popular belief; if you talk louder, slower and exagerate your lip movement, they will still not understand English.

All bleeding eventually stops

Air goes in and out as blood goes 'round and 'round, any change to this cycle is usually not good.

mk

[Slim]

Nursing homes and extended care facilities will no longer be referred to as God's Filing Cabinet....

[SAR-EMT1]

It was recently decreed at work that we (EMS ) are no longer to use the "@" symbol in our narratives. Many of the local ER staff are Indian or Asian and get hung up on it.

[flyerthom]

Terrible Tommy's ER Nurse Observations:

Observation 1:
The busier you are the more likely the number of visits will drop off dramatically at 6:30 so it appears to the next shift you've been goofing off the entire time.
Corollary A: If you've been light the entire shift at 6:30, 7 ambulances will show up and three chest pains will arrive in triage so the next shift comes into complete chaos.

Observation 2:
The louder they can scream and curse, the more likely they do not need a high acuity bed.
Corollary A : If they can't or don't want to scream - get out an intubation tray.

Observation 3: In most cases; Rudeness in inversely proportional to acuity - the ruder they are the less ill they are. Sick people don't have the energy to be nasty.
Exception A: 90 pound little old ladies with CVA's or hypoglycemia have the strength of a weight lifter on steroids and the attitude of a badger with inflamed hemorrhoids.

Observation 4: The more tattoos, the more likely they are afraid of needles.
Corollary A: The more afraid of needles, the more likely they are in the ER due to violence received from a fight.
Corollary B: The higher the incidence of minor cuts due to violence, the more likely they are to demand immediate care because they don't want to or "can't" wait.
Corollary C: The more they need a CT scan the more likely they are to refuse it.

Observation 5: It's not psych till it's sober and psych.
Corollary A: The ETOH / Recreational Pharmaceutical levels are inversely proportional to the therapeutic drug levels.

Observation 6 : The phrase "I can't afford my medications" will almost always be followed by "Can I go outside for a cigarette."
Corollary A: 50% of the time and higher on weekends sniffing will reveal a strong odor suspicious for alcohol.

Observation 7 : When it's all said and done, no matter where you are from, we all look the same on the autopsy table.
Corollary A: At the end of the autopsy, the brain ends up sliced and in a plastic bag in the bottom of the body cavity (in your *$$).
Corollary B: It may have been there prior to becoming deceased.

Observation 8 : The human capacity for stupidity will never cease to amaze me.
Corollary A: Warnings to stupid people only mean the stupid become more creative in their stupidity.
Corollary B: Truly creative stupidity does not require nor does it rule out a college degree.

[JohnKachenmeister]

Good!  I like those!

[DrDave]

My favorite during rounds:

LGFTD: Looks good from the door

Dr. Dave

[isuhawkeye]

For those of you who are aspiring health care providers I must recommend that you watch the first few seasons of scrubs.  It is the most realistic health care drama on television today

[nesagsar]

For those of you who are aspiring health care providers I must recommend that you watch the first few seasons of scrubs.  It is the most realistic health care drama on television today

Actually I prefer Emergency!

I have the first 2 seasons on DVD.

[isuhawkeye]

I did say "On Television today"

Emergency set the standard for our industry, and is the foundation of ALL EMS providers