Christmas Carol - GA Style

Started by Trung Si Ma, December 07, 2007, 05:34:26 PM

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Trung Si Ma

I just got this via email from a friend. Enjoy.


'Twas the night before Christmas, and out on the ramp,

Not an airplane was stirring, not even a Champ.

The aircraft were fastened to tie downs with care,

In hopes that come morning, they all would be there.

The fuel trucks were nestled, all snug in their spots,

With gusts from two-forty at 39 knots.

I slumped at the fuel desk, now finally caught up,

And settled down comfortably, resting my butt.

When the radio lit up with noise and with chatter,

I turned up the scanner to see what was the matter.

A voice clearly heard over static and snow,

Called for clearance to land at the airport below.

He barked his transmission so lively and quick,

I'd have sworn that the call sign he used was "St. Nick".

I ran to the panel to turn up the lights,

The better to welcome this magical flight.

He called his position, no room for denial,

"St. Nicholas One, turnin' left onto final.

And what to my wondering eyes should appear,

But a Rutan-built sleigh, with eight Rotax Reindeer!!

With vectors to final, down the glideslope he came,

As he passed all fixes, he called them by name.

"Now Ringo! Now Tolga! Now Trini and Bacun!

On Comet! On Cupid! What pills was he takin'?

While controllers were sittin, and scratchin' thier head,

They phoned to my office, and I heard it with dread,

The message they left was both urgent and dour,

"When Santa pulls in, have him please call the tower."

He landed like silk, with the sled runners sparking,

Then I heard "Left at Charlie" and "Taxi to parking."

He slowed to a taxi, turned off of three-oh

And stopped on the ramp with a "HO, ho-ho-ho..."

He stepped out of the sleigh, but before he could talk,

I ran out to meet him with my best set of chocks.

His red helmet and goggles were covered with frost,

And his beard was all blackened from Reindeer exhaust.

His breath smelled like peppermint, gone slightly stale,

And he puffed on a pipe, but he didn't inhale.

His cheeks were all rosy and jiggled like jelly,

His boots were as black as a cropduster's belly.

He was chubby and plump, in his suit of bright red,

And he asked me to "fill it, with hundred low-lead."

He came dashing in from the snow-covered pump,

I knew he was anxious for drainin' the sump.

I spoke not a word, but went straight to my work,

And I filled up the sleigh, but I spilled like a jerk.

He came out of the restroom, and sighed in relief,

Then he picked up a phone for a Flight Service brief.

And I thought as he silently scribed in his log,

These reindeer could land in an eighth-mile fog.

He completed his pre-flight, from the front to the rear,

Then he put on his headset, and I heard him yell "Clear!!"

And laying a finger on his push-to-talk,

He called up the tower for clearance and squawk.

"Take taxiway Charlie, the southbound direction,

Turn right three-two-zero at pilot's discretion,

He sped down the runway, the best of the best,

"Your traffic's a Grumman, inbound from the west."

Then I heard him proclaim, as he climbed thru the night,

"Merry Christmas to all!! I have traffic in sight."
Freedom isn't free - I paid for it

RogueLeader

WYWG DP

GRW 3340

flyguy06

I posted that same poem last year around this time. It is very cool

♠SARKID♠

I've read that every year for the longest time, and I still laugh each time.

flyerthom

http://www.thespoof.com/news/spoof.cfm?headline=s3i12496

Santa Claus.

Santa's ride has been bringing joy and happiness to millions of children for generations. Irate parents worldwide are said to be absolutely distraught. "Who's going to eat the milk and cookies for a start?" asked one parent.

Homeland Security has said that any penetration into American air space will be considered an act of aggression as part of their duty in keeping American airspace and borders safe. A spokesman from Homeland Security told us, "We just can't have every jolly, rosy cheeked, white haired fruitcake in the world flying around American air space unsupervised."

FAA are scratching their heads about where to begin certifying Santa's sleigh as safe for flight. There are no standards regulating the stability and performance of reindeer, also the FAA simply don't know how to inspect a machine which, in their minds, "totally defies the laws of physics".

The FAA will consider granting clearance if all FAA regulations are met. Here are a few:



As a powered aircraft, Santa's sleigh requires a proper licensed propulsion system (Reindeer fed on magic dust are not mentioned in the regs and can't be used).

A signle red light at the lead of the pack of reindeer does not constitute a set of running lights

The Sleigh must have a valid maintenance certificate and must meet aerodynamic requirements and be tested in a wind-tunnel.

Detailed flight plans must be plotted and submitted to the FAA at least six months in advance

Santa Claus is said to be very upset by the reaction from these US agencies and feels the actions are a direct violation of the Children's basic human rights.

Homeland Security laid down the following ultimatum to Santa Claus, "If we see any flying sleighs in the skies over America you can bet you bottom dollar there'll be a F-16 with sidewinders blasting it outta the sky."

From the desk of
Buck E. Filbert
Dec 2 2006


Santa and the FAA
Santa Claus, like all pilots, gets regular visits from the Federal Aviation Administration, and the FAA examiner arrived last week for the pre-Christmas flight check. In preparation, Santa had the elves wash the sled and bathe all the reindeer. Santa got his log book out and made sure all his paperwork was in order. He knew they would examine all his equipment and truly put Santa's flying skills to the test. The examiner walked slowly around the sled. He checked the reindeer harnesses, the landing gear, and even Rudolph's nose. He painstakingly reviewed Santa's weight and balance calculations for sled's enormous payload. Finally, they were ready for the check ride. Santa got in and fastened his seat belt and shoulder harness and checked the compass. Then the examiner hopped in carrying, to Santa's surprise, a shotgun. "What's that for?!?" asked Santa incredulously. The examiner winked and said, "I'm not supposed to tell you this ahead of time," as he leaned over to whisper in Santa's ear, "but you're gonna lose an engine on takeoff."


Bah Humbug  >:D
TC

♠SARKID♠

Quote"I'm not supposed to tell you this ahead of time," as he leaned over to whisper in Santa's ear, "but you're gonna lose an engine on takeoff."

ROFLMAO ROFLMAO ROFLMAO!!!

RogueLeader

Quote from: ♠SARKID♠ on December 09, 2007, 09:37:59 PM
Quote"I'm not supposed to tell you this ahead of time," as he leaned over to whisper in Santa's ear, "but you're gonna lose an engine on takeoff."

ROFLMAO ROFLMAO ROFLMAO!!!

Wow ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
WYWG DP

GRW 3340