I once heard this exchange go on between my element leader ant the 2 lieutenants inspecting(note C/Lt. Riley is the sister of C/A1c Riley) :
Lt. Riley: Oh, and Riley, you might want to check the kitchen area at home.
A1c Riley: Why is that, Ma'am?
Lt. Harford (in a total deadpan): Because one of your socks is there. Next!
Me being the next guy, I had to control my laughter, but that was probably the first time someone told a joke during inspection. :)
Quote from: Nighthawk on May 10, 2011, 10:12:30 PM
I once heard this exchange go on between my element leader ant the 2 lieutenants inspecting(note C/Lt. Riley is the sister of C/A1c Riley) :
Lt. Riley: Oh, and Riley, you might want to check the kitchen area at home.
A1c Riley: Why is that, Ma'am?
Lt. Harford (in a total deadpan): Because one of your socks is there. Next!
Me being the next guy, I had to control my laughter, but that was probably the first time someone told a joke during inspection. :)
Maybe at your squadron. I'm a total cut-up during inspections.
Me: "Airman, are you Air Assault qualified?"
Cadet: "No sir."
Me: "Well, then, we need to secure this rappelling rope hanging from your boot."
or
Me: "Airman, are you OK?"
Cadet (perplexed): "Yessir."
Me: (pointing out unbuttoned button that should be buttoned) "Well, someone with such a gigantic bullet hole in him shouldn't be feeling quite so chipper."
I've said funnier things at inspections, but I'll be darned if I can remember. Its usually off the cuff and its funny and then its done.
It happens in the military too. It wasn't during a formal inspection, but in basic one of the drill sergeants came up and looked me over.
Drill Sergeant: "Private Dove, you boots are on the wrong feet."
Me (completely serious): "No, Drill Sergeant, these are my feet."
It was a few minutes before he could stop laughing.
No so much the cadets that "say" it, but .. I think it's the egrets. We're on a military base, but right outside the fence is a public harbor/beach area and the military side of it is close marching distance. Of course the coast/beach area comes with birds.
There are some that make this constant gargling sound. During formal inspections, even the most seasoned cadets can sometimes succumb to breaking from the reactions to the noises.
Of course, once they start it's nearly impossible to quell a laughter outbreak. ;-)
So much for inspection :)
At my first wing encampment we were ordered to perfect the thousand yard stare...or else. Note: I wear my cover low on my face, kinda reminiscent of the Marine style. Anyway a inspector comes to me and says "Cadet ______". (Me) "Yes Sir!" (Him) " I will bet you that I can ruin that thousand yard stare in less than three seconds." (Me) "Feel free to try sir!" Then he gets about 3 inches from my face...and smiles! The biggest, whitest smile you ever did see. Needless to say he won that bet. ;D
Quote from: commando1 on May 11, 2011, 06:52:13 PM
At my first wing encampment we were ordered to perfect the thousand yard stare...or else. Note: I wear my cover low on my face, kinda reminiscent of the Marine style. Anyway a inspector comes to me and says "Cadet ______". (Me) "Yes Sir!" (Him) " I will bet you that I can ruin that thousand yard stare in less than three seconds." (Me) "Feel free to try sir!" Then he gets about 3 inches from my face...and smiles! The biggest, whitest smile you ever did see. Needless to say he won that bet. ;D
Sometimes when I am visiting a squadron, the cadets who know me will ask me to engage in a game of Military Bearings Check (which was known as "Lieutenant's Laughter" before I got my tracks...). Essentially, while they are at attention in formation, I do whatever possible to try and make them lose their military bearings, usually by making them laugh. The last Cadet standing is the winner. I've yet to meet a Cadet I couldn't break. :)
We did that quite a bit at my basic encampment. Good times :clap:
Heard this at the MOWG STW a couple weeks ago.
Two 2Lts were inspecting us. They were inspecting cadet 2,2 when this happened:
*1,2 raises his hand
2Lt A: "Yes, cadet?"
1,2: "Permission to adjust?"
2Lt A: "Adjust what, precisely?"
1,2: "I need to poke myself in the eye." (DEAD serious)
2Lt A: "What?"
1,2: "Sir, permission to poke myself in the eye?!"
2Lt A: "No."
By this time, the entire flight (Including the inspectors) were laughing hysterically.
^ I'm going to have to try some of these at ATS. That is awesome. ;D
I once told a cadet during inspection that he had so many cables he was getting MTV.
I used to do the "Running Through a Forest".
You stand in front of the cadet and place your open hands, palms facing either side of the cadets head (not touching, of course). Then I would rapidly move them back and forth and tell them "You are running through a forest". Never had a winner!
Another one I recall was just standing beside the person in the back of the formation as if you're part of the formation. Then just start rambling about anything (usually it's the stuff new cadets think of their first few times in a formation). Everyone has been there so it's pretty easy to think of things a new cadet would be thinking of. It makes a great icebreaker!
Once I was in flight for an inspection. Several elements ahead of me, two NCOs were inspecting cadets. This is how it went down.
NCO 1: " How are you doing tonight, cadet ______?" (Done as he is looking over the cadet's uniform)
Cadet: "Mighty fine, sergeant."
The best part was that the cadet said his part in a southern-like drawl, (even though I'm from Oregon) and totally meant what he said. The NCOs, needless to say, were trying unsuccessfully to fight off smiles.
Quote from: JoeTomasone on May 11, 2011, 07:09:59 PM
Quote from: commando1 on May 11, 2011, 06:52:13 PM
At my first wing encampment we were ordered to perfect the thousand yard stare...or else. Note: I wear my cover low on my face, kinda reminiscent of the Marine style. Anyway a inspector comes to me and says "Cadet ______". (Me) "Yes Sir!" (Him) " I will bet you that I can ruin that thousand yard stare in less than three seconds." (Me) "Feel free to try sir!" Then he gets about 3 inches from my face...and smiles! The biggest, whitest smile you ever did see. Needless to say he won that bet. ;D
Sometimes when I am visiting a squadron, the cadets who know me will ask me to engage in a game of Military Bearings Check (which was known as "Lieutenant's Laughter" before I got my tracks...). Essentially, while they are at attention in formation, I do whatever possible to try and make them lose their military bearings, usually by making them laugh. The last Cadet standing is the winner. I've yet to meet a Cadet I couldn't break. :)
We did that at my squadron. The first time I was in the flight and they did this, the first sergeant (usually a very serious guy, someone who I was afraid of at that point) would walk up to cadets and say in a girlish voice "I'm a pretty fairy" complete with arms like little wings. Needless to say, not only did it get the cadet he was in front of but those around him. I had a way of making the cadets cringe with things I said. Usually it would entail saying something to the effect of "Picture [DCC] in a speedo" or similar. Sometimes all you had to do was stare at them and they would laugh. My favorite though, is "getting down" to the level of the shorter cadets to look them square in the face, which usually got that person and a few surrounding.
Quote from: CAPC/officer125 on May 14, 2011, 01:27:36 AM
Usually it would entail saying something to the effect of "Picture [CDC] in a speedo" or similar.
That would be hazing in my squadron. (note I am the CDC ;D )
We did the Bearing Contest in my old unit, too. The cadets know me as friendly, but not particularly funny, and I usually didn't participate in the contests. So one day, it's getting down to those who are pretty good at the game and go up to one of the better cadets. I stood about 4 inches from his face and said "Aww Phooey" in my best Donald Duck voice. He dropped like a rock.
A good one is to stand about 6 inches behind a cadet and have them do an about face to find you there looking supid. Works 9/10 times!
Quote from: BTCS1* on June 09, 2011, 02:33:28 AM
A good one is to stand about 6 inches behind a cadet and have them do an about face to find you there looking supid.
I would like to point out that CAPTalk has a spell check button right next to "post" and "preview." (You misspelled stupid) >:D
Now that was stupid of me... :P
Quote from: commando1 on June 10, 2011, 01:15:34 AM
You misspelled stupid
well done. misspell is, quite ironically, one of the most often misspelled words ;D
back on topic:
Cadet: *wearing
very wrinkly shirt*
FltSgt: Cadet, are you planning to grow wheat in your shirt?
Cadet: *puzzled* uhh, no Sergeant
FltSgt: Too bad. you wouldn't have to plow at all.
This is an old one from encampment:
c/CC yells at c/SQCC: Your cadets have their flight caps on backwards. Turn them around.
c/SQCC: Yes, ma'am! Squadron! About face!
Quote from: ol'fido on June 14, 2011, 10:01:24 PM
This is an old one from encampment:
c/CC yells at c/SQCC: Your cadets have their flight caps on backwards. Turn them around.
c/SQCC: Yes, ma'am! Squadron! About face!
I lol'ed when I read this. definitely one of the best I have ever heard.
This was during a routine inspection,
C/G_____- Cadet, Why are you staring at my face? DO you think i'm hot?
C/M_____- No Chief!
C/G_____- SO DOES THAT ME IM UGLY?
C/M_____- No Chief!
C/G_____- That still dosent answer my question, i'm 2 feet taller than you!
C/G_____- Flight, Tenshun! (This is when he realises that the flight is not at attention)
Oh boy. ::)
One time, inspection was being done by the XO and the First sgt. After inspecting a cadet's uniform they would ask him/her a general knowledge or chain of command question, and with one cadet,
XO: "Cadet, who is the First Sergeant?"
Cadet: "Uhhhh....The first sergeant is as follows: C/MSGT ______ _______, CAP, ma'am!"
First sgt: "NO!"
Cadet: "Huh?"
First sgt: "Cadet, I have a middle initial. What is my middle initial?"
Cadet: "Uhhhh.....'T'?"
First sgt: "WRONG!"
Cadet: "Uhh, 'B', first sergeant?"
First sgt: "(makes noise like a 'wrong answer' buzzer) It's 'D'! 'D' as in 'Teach me how to Dougie!"
No one forgets his middle initial any more. ;D
Quote from: Nighthawk on June 20, 2011, 01:17:13 PM
Quote from: ol'fido on June 14, 2011, 10:01:24 PM
This is an old one from encampment:
c/CC yells at c/SQCC: Your cadets have their flight caps on backwards. Turn them around.
c/SQCC: Yes, ma'am! Squadron! About face!
I lol'ed when I read this. definitely one of the best I have ever heard.
Any cadet commander who could think that quickly would get an extra dessert from me that night!
Quote from: Eclipse on July 01, 2011, 04:50:55 AMAny cadet commander who could think that quickly would get an extra dessert from me that night!
:) Something on that level .. would just make me quit asking questions and get the heck outta there before I break bearing. Which was probably the intention in the first place...
Quote from: JoeTomasone on May 11, 2011, 07:09:59 PM
Quote from: commando1 on May 11, 2011, 06:52:13 PM
At my first wing encampment we were ordered to perfect the thousand yard stare...or else. Note: I wear my cover low on my face, kinda reminiscent of the Marine style. Anyway a inspector comes to me and says "Cadet ______". (Me) "Yes Sir!" (Him) " I will bet you that I can ruin that thousand yard stare in less than three seconds." (Me) "Feel free to try sir!" Then he gets about 3 inches from my face...and smiles! The biggest, whitest smile you ever did see. Needless to say he won that bet. ;D
Sometimes when I am visiting a squadron, the cadets who know me will ask me to engage in a game of Military Bearings Check (which was known as "Lieutenant's Laughter" before I got my tracks...). Essentially, while they are at attention in formation, I do whatever possible to try and make them lose their military bearings, usually by making them laugh. The last Cadet standing is the winner. I've yet to meet a Cadet I couldn't break. :)
I knew this name sounded familiar and now I know why you were staff at my first encampment past winter. Yes you can make anyone laugh!
this is not what someone actually said but once during inspection for my NJROTC unit one kid farted very loudly while being inspected by the senior instructor ( the kid had some digestive problems and couldn't help it) but it was so funny because it was so random.
At another encampment formation.....
Normally, at evening formation, the cadet squadron commanders will give there reports in order and very quickly.
"Ma'am, Bravo squadron all present and accounted for, Ma'am!" said just as fast as you can get the words out.
This particular night....
"Ma'am, OTS all pissed off on account of you, Ma'am!"
It took everyone a couple of minutes to realize what he actually said.
Quote from: lycan1138 on July 31, 2011, 06:45:14 PM
this is not what someone actually said but once during inspection for my NJROTC unit one kid farted very loudly while being inspected by the senior instructor ( the kid had some digestive problems and couldn't help it) but it was so funny because it was so random.
Are your punctuation and shift keys broken? Getting them fixed, or using them if they aren't broken, would really help us understand what you are trying to say.
During the 1993 NERSC The students and staff were at the first formation. In order to make sure that everyone knew what they were doing, the commandant had us practice reporting at least 6 times. When the Commandant decided we were fit for the Director, we had the "official" formation. When he reported to the Director " All present and accounted for" she replied "You know the Chief of Staff has been giving you left handed salutes for the last 15 minutes".
Present and accounted for in itself is pretty funny. It should be present or accounted for.
Why would you have to account for someone present?
Quote from: EMT-83 on August 01, 2011, 05:05:45 PM
Present and accounted for in itself is pretty funny. It should be present or accounted for.
Why would you have to account for someone present?
At encampment simply being there doesn't mean one is present - lack of sleep can do funny things like make you daydream at attention.
I had a cadet at encampment who did not shave very well and I told the cadet as follows...
"Buckwheat! (Little Rascals referece) I cant wait for a breeze to come on through so it looks like your chin is waving at me ::I put my hand up to my chin and started waving my fingers like in the movie::"
Needless to say I broke that bearing quick
Quote from: Spaceman3750 on August 01, 2011, 09:25:31 PM
Quote from: EMT-83 on August 01, 2011, 05:05:45 PM
Present and accounted for in itself is pretty funny. It should be present or accounted for.
Why would you have to account for someone present?
At encampment simply being there doesn't mean one is present - lack of sleep can do funny things like make you daydream at attention.
that's so true.
I might have told this story previously on here, but perhaps not.
My first encampment flight commander was C/FO Pile. He took a large helping of ragging due to his name and Full Metal Jacket. At one point, the cadet command staff decided to have a little more fun at his expense and swiped a jelly donut from the mess. During that evening's room inspection, the staff went into his room and tossed the donut into his locker. Thus began the "jelly donut" scene from FMJ, which the staff and Mr. Pile began to quote back and forth. At that point, I was a C/Amn and hadn't ever heard of, or seen, FMJ. It dawned on me that several of my other flight members didn't know the joke either when they got to the point in the exchange where Hartmann orders them all onto their faces for payment of one jelly donut. Everyone on the floor dropped, even though we were in our blues.
The XO had to go around to all the rooms and tell the cadets that it was a joke, and to return to our feet. Years later I watched FMJ and had a huge laugh at that scene.
Quote from: Walkman on June 08, 2011, 01:32:51 PM
We did the Bearing Contest in my old unit, too. The cadets know me as friendly, but not particularly funny, and I usually didn't participate in the contests. So one day, it's getting down to those who are pretty good at the game and go up to one of the better cadets. I stood about 4 inches from his face and said "Aww Phooey" in my best Donald Duck voice. He dropped like a rock.
I totally remember that day!! I remember if I was in the flight but I was there. It took me by surprise, it was very accurate.
Another one from my squadron about 3 years ago. I do not remember if this was bearing, inspection, or just a formation. We had our first sergeant who was also a chief Master Sergeant asking a cadet a question. The cadet addressed our first sergeant, in an attempted stutter to figuring out the proper way to address her, as "fa-sa-sa chief". Needless to say she got a new nickname that day.
"YES SIR!" from any Cadet to any female Senior Member. :clap:
The way Cadets are programmed to say, "YES SIR!" It was funny in 1976 and it is funny today. >:D
I usually have rock solid bearing, but this one time, my Flight Sgt. were mad at this one cadet, airman snuffy dufflebags, because he had no bearing whatsoever. They started asking him questions, and then they got mad because he was moving his eyes and twitching around. The said to the kid "What, OH I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE LOOKING AT! LOOK AT THAT PURDY BIRD! LOOK AT HOW IT FLIES! HOW CUTE!" I did not breaking bearing more than a grin that was hard to beat back down.
Ok.. Reading all of your funny stories inspired me to tell my own. To understand this story there are two parts that you first have to understand. 1. my squadron on this particular occasion was doin a drill down competition. and 2. I am a Male Officer. The Cadet flight staff decided it would be fun to to a drill down of our flight (about 25 cadets) at my Squadron. As part of the drill down they did a Bearings test (Laugh Competition) where the object obviously is not to get caught laughing. Prior to this part of their drill down one of the C/Sgt's came up to and asked "Sir, would you like to help us out with the bearings test?" As like most people, I like to have a little fun , so I aggreed. The Drill Comp commenced with the bearings test first. I marched smartly up to the first cadet I saw in the first element and I blurted out the first words that came to mind.
Me in a commanding voice: Cadet So and So........ DO I LOOK LIKE YOUR SISTER TO YOU??
To this day, I am still unclear about where that came from.. or what prompted me to say that.... but the end result was that 25 cadets were instantly eliminated from the squadron drill comp because everyone from the Cadet Commader on down was laughing uncontroably.In the end they had to start all over again.
Have a great day,
Shawn W.
This wasn't during inspection, but...
At the KSTG Winter Encampment this year, my Flight Commander decided to do a cadet of the day thing, and since I had been told to help another cadet learn his SOP, and had given th same cadet my towel when he forgot his, I was the first one to be awarded. Right before light's out, he did his spiel and called for a round os applause, but then my TAC officer gave me a Payday candy bar. I managed to keep some bearin, but when I started to eat it, I had a huge smile. My commander was walking down the barracks, and when he saw my smile, he said, in a very serious tone, "No Smiling!" and left. I fought back the smile, but when he returned he said, "You know, i didn't mean it. You can smile," and left. I looked at my wingman, and then started laughing as hard as we dared to.
with any inspection our C/CC will get in your face and will inspect you with a Elmo voice
Quote from: Dracosbane on September 07, 2011, 04:13:40 AMMy first encampment flight commander was C/FO Pile. He took a large helping of ragging due to his name and Full Metal Jacket
Wasn't Pile the one who went psycho and shot his drill sergeant?
I've been known to don a red foam clown nose, then ask cadets if I look like a clown to them. You simply can't answer that question right.
Quote from: Nathan on April 02, 2012, 02:30:26 PM
I've been known to don a red foam clown nose, then ask cadets if I look like a clown to them. You simply can't answer that question right.
I can: Sir, that depends on your definition of "clown." Using the information you gave me I am unable to assertain a more correct answer.
Quote from: bflynn on April 02, 2012, 12:57:30 PM
Quote from: Dracosbane on September 07, 2011, 04:13:40 AMMy first encampment flight commander was C/FO Pile. He took a large helping of ragging due to his name and Full Metal Jacket
Wasn't Pile the one who went psycho and shot his drill sergeant?
That's the one...
And I'm 80% sure it's spelled Pyle
Quote from: commando1 on June 10, 2011, 01:15:34 AM
Quote from: BTCS1* on June 09, 2011, 02:33:28 AM
A good one is to stand about 6 inches behind a cadet and have them do an about face to find you there looking supid.
I would like to point out that CAPTalk has a spell check button right next to "post" and "preview." (You misspelled stupid) >:D
I am stupid! I can't find the spell check button!! The "Post" and the "Preview" buttons are alone in the lower right corner of my screen. Any help?
Quote from: 754837 on April 02, 2012, 09:32:04 PM
Quote from: commando1 on June 10, 2011, 01:15:34 AM
Quote from: BTCS1* on June 09, 2011, 02:33:28 AM
A good one is to stand about 6 inches behind a cadet and have them do an about face to find you there looking supid.
I would like to point out that CAPTalk has a spell check button right next to "post" and "preview." (You misspelled stupid) >:D
I am stupid! I can't find the spell check button!! The "Post" and the "Preview" buttons are alone in the lower right corner of my screen. Any help?
Stupid is something you have to fix yourself.
Quote from: MSG Mac on April 02, 2012, 09:53:24 PM
Quote from: 754837 on April 02, 2012, 09:32:04 PM
Quote from: commando1 on June 10, 2011, 01:15:34 AM
Quote from: BTCS1* on June 09, 2011, 02:33:28 AM
A good one is to stand about 6 inches behind a cadet and have them do an about face to find you there looking supid.
I would like to point out that CAPTalk has a spell check button right next to "post" and "preview." (You misspelled stupid) >:D
I am stupid! I can't find the spell check button!! The "Post" and the "Preview" buttons are alone in the lower right corner of my screen. Any help?
Stupid is something you have to fix yourself.
That was it? That was your help?
The post referencing the spell check button is several months old.
The spell check has been gone for a while now. Along with the gallery. After a site update they disappeared.
Practically any modern browser contains an inbuilt spell function anyway.
Now go stand for inspection.
I can't stand for inspection. Like Rush Limbaugh or G. Gordon Liddy, I lean too far to the right. >:D
Quote from: 754837 on April 02, 2012, 09:55:47 PM
Quote from: MSG Mac on April 02, 2012, 09:53:24 PM
Quote from: 754837 on April 02, 2012, 09:32:04 PM
Quote from: commando1 on June 10, 2011, 01:15:34 AM
Quote from: BTCS1* on June 09, 2011, 02:33:28 AM
A good one is to stand about 6 inches behind a cadet and have them do an about face to find you there looking supid.
I would like to point out that CAPTalk has a spell check button right next to "post" and "preview." (You misspelled stupid) >:D
I am stupid! I can't find the spell check button!! The "Post" and the "Preview" buttons are alone in the lower right corner of my screen. Any help?
Stupid is something you have to fix yourself.
That was it? That was your help?
Like being an alcoholic, your recognition that you have a problem is your first step.
Quote from: MSG Mac on April 03, 2012, 12:32:27 AM
Quote from: 754837 on April 02, 2012, 09:55:47 PM
Quote from: MSG Mac on April 02, 2012, 09:53:24 PM
Quote from: 754837 on April 02, 2012, 09:32:04 PM
Quote from: commando1 on June 10, 2011, 01:15:34 AM
Quote from: BTCS1* on June 09, 2011, 02:33:28 AM
A good one is to stand about 6 inches behind a cadet and have them do an about face to find you there looking supid.
I would like to point out that CAPTalk has a spell check button right next to "post" and "preview." (You misspelled stupid) >:D
I am stupid! I can't find the spell check button!! The "Post" and the "Preview" buttons are alone in the lower right corner of my screen. Any help?
Stupid is something you have to fix yourself.
That was it? That was your help?
Like being an alcoholic, your recognition that you have a problem is your first step.
I would have thought a tip on where to find the spell check would have been an appropriate response. You might spend some effort to improve your social skills which are clearly lacking.
Quote from: 754837 on April 03, 2012, 01:15:26 AM
I would have thought a tip on where to find the spell check would have been an appropriate response. You might spend some effort to improve your social skills which are clearly lacking.
Apparently you didn't read this:
Quote from: a2capt on April 02, 2012, 11:19:31 PM
The post referencing the spell check button is several months old.
The spell check has been gone for a while now. Along with the gallery. After a site update they disappeared.
Practically any modern browser contains an inbuilt spell function anyway.
If you're going to last long here, you may want to turn on your joke and sarcasm detectors. :)
Quote from: jeders on April 03, 2012, 01:25:41 AM
Quote from: 754837 on April 03, 2012, 01:15:26 AM
I would have thought a tip on where to find the spell check would have been an appropriate response. You might spend some effort to improve your social skills which are clearly lacking.
Apparently you didn't read this:
Quote from: a2capt on April 02, 2012, 11:19:31 PM
The post referencing the spell check button is several months old.
The spell check has been gone for a while now. Along with the gallery. After a site update they disappeared.
Practically any modern browser contains an inbuilt spell function anyway.
If you're going to last long here, you may want to turn on your joke and sarcasm detectors. :)
Many thanks!
Quote from: 754837 on April 03, 2012, 01:53:17 AM
Quote from: jeders on April 03, 2012, 01:25:41 AM
Quote from: 754837 on April 03, 2012, 01:15:26 AM
I would have thought a tip on where to find the spell check would have been an appropriate response. You might spend some effort to improve your social skills which are clearly lacking.
Apparently you didn't read this:
Quote from: a2capt on April 02, 2012, 11:19:31 PM
The post referencing the spell check button is several months old.
The spell check has been gone for a while now. Along with the gallery. After a site update they disappeared.
Practically any modern browser contains an inbuilt spell function anyway.
If you're going to last long here, you may want to turn on your joke and sarcasm detectors. :)
Many thanks!
FYI: The Joke and Sarcasm detectors were NOT turned off as a result of that site upgrade. Good luck finding them though.... epsecially if you are using Chrome or Firefox.
Quote from: johnnyb47 on April 23, 2012, 03:54:14 PM
Good luck finding them though.... epsecially if you are using Chrome or Firefox.
Crap, I'm doomed! ;D