CAP Talk

Operations => Tall Tales => Topic started by: Rob Sherlin on November 22, 2008, 10:42:32 AM

Title: "Tid bits "O" Humor"
Post by: Rob Sherlin on November 22, 2008, 10:42:32 AM
 For you pilots.......
   If you work with a person that everyone calls "Little John", don't leave an aircraft supply catalog where he can find it (He didn't mind the name to much untill now).
Title: Re: "Tid bits "O" Humor"
Post by: Rob Sherlin on December 26, 2008, 05:18:47 AM
For you LE Traffic guys........

  A squad car pulls over a vehicle that was swerving, upon approaching the vehicle, the officer notices the driver is a "man of the cloth".

  The Officer says, " Excuse me Father! I pulled you over because you were swerving in and out of your lane. Have you had anything to drink?"
  The Father says, " No, just a lot of water as it's been very hot today."
  The Officer says, " Are you sure? I can smell your breath from here and it sure smells like wine to me!"
  The Father looks puzzled, then gets a look on his face and says, " Oh Lord!...He did it again!"
Title: Re: "Tid bits "O" Humor"
Post by: nesagsar on January 11, 2009, 06:30:29 PM
I present for your approval a set of demotivators I made last month

(http://images.roosterteeth.com/nesagsar4911bff917403.jpg)

(http://images.roosterteeth.com/nesagsar4911c005a4b15.jpg)

(http://images.roosterteeth.com/nesagsar4911c0126d5d1.jpg)

(http://images.roosterteeth.com/nesagsar4911bfef9d47a.jpg)


Title: Re: "Tid bits "O" Humor"
Post by: nesagsar on January 11, 2009, 06:37:43 PM
Here are the rest of them.

(http://photos-b.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-sf2p/v364/185/108/97400735/n97400735_30223217_2113.jpg)

(http://photos-b.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-snc1/v352/185/108/97400735/n97400735_30223225_1091.jpg)

(http://photos-c.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-snc1/v352/185/108/97400735/n97400735_30223226_1407.jpg)

(http://photos-h.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-sf2p/v135/185/108/97400735/n97400735_30140327_6327.jpg)

(http://photos-a.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-sf2p/v129/185/108/97400735/n97400735_30140328_2675.jpg)
Title: Re: "Tid bits "O" Humor"
Post by: SarDragon on January 11, 2009, 09:59:28 PM
Pix = st00pid!  :o
Title: Re: "Tid bits "O" Humor"
Post by: jeders on January 12, 2009, 05:24:46 AM
Quote from: SarDragon on January 11, 2009, 09:59:28 PM
Pix = st00pid!  :o

Yes, except for the Air Force Pilots one, that's just plain funny.  ;D
Title: Re: "Tid bits "O" Humor"
Post by: _ on January 12, 2009, 06:14:34 AM
Quote from: jeders on January 12, 2009, 05:24:46 AM
Quote from: SarDragon on January 11, 2009, 09:59:28 PM
Pix = st00pid!  :o

Yes, except for the Air Force Pilots one, that's just plain funny.  ;D
Pretty sure the person in the "Air Force Pilots" one is a Navy F-14 Radar Intercept Officer
Title: Re: "Tid bits "O" Humor"
Post by: SarDragon on January 12, 2009, 06:43:40 AM
I think I'm inclined to agree with that. And the Navy Pilots caption is totally bogus. More here (http://captalk.net/index.php?topic=4659.msg90495#msg90495).
Title: Re: "Tid bits "O" Humor"
Post by: jeders on January 12, 2009, 03:03:51 PM
Quote from: Bayhawk21 on January 12, 2009, 06:14:34 AM
Quote from: jeders on January 12, 2009, 05:24:46 AM
Quote from: SarDragon on January 11, 2009, 09:59:28 PM
Pix = st00pid!  :o

Yes, except for the Air Force Pilots one, that's just plain funny.  ;D
Pretty sure the person in the "Air Force Pilots" one is a Navy F-14 Radar Intercept Officer
It doesn't have to be completely accurate to be funny.
Title: Re: "Tid bits "O" Humor"
Post by: GTCommando on September 08, 2010, 04:51:44 AM
For you LE Traffic guys........

  A squad car pulls over a vehicle that was swerving, upon approaching the vehicle, the officer notices the driver is a "man of the cloth".

  The Officer says, " Excuse me Father! I pulled you over because you were swerving in and out of your lane. Have you had anything to drink?"
  The Father says, " No, just a lot of water as it's been very hot today."
  The Officer says, " Are you sure? I can smell your breath from here and it sure smells like wine to me!"
  The Father looks puzzled, then gets a look on his face and says, " Oh Lord!...He did it again!"

Very funny. You don't find too many of those kinds of jokes that don't make people mad. This one is just plain funny. I will be using it.  :clap:
Title: Re: "Tid bits "O" Humor"
Post by: GTCommando on September 08, 2010, 04:55:01 AM
Oops! Meant to post my last reply as a qoute. Still learning.  ::)
Title: Re: "Tid bits "O" Humor"
Post by: GTM SGT Frazier on November 15, 2010, 09:08:03 PM
Quote from: GTCommando on September 08, 2010, 04:51:44 AM
For you LE Traffic guys........

  A squad car pulls over a vehicle that was swerving, upon approaching the vehicle, the officer notices the driver is a "man of the cloth".

  The Officer says, " Excuse me Father! I pulled you over because you were swerving in and out of your lane. Have you had anything to drink?"
  The Father says, " No, just a lot of water as it's been very hot today."
  The Officer says, " Are you sure? I can smell your breath from here and it sure smells like wine to me!"
  The Father looks puzzled, then gets a look on his face and says, " Oh Lord!...He did it again!"

Very funny. You don't find too many of those kinds of jokes that don't make people mad. This one is just plain funny. I will be using it.  :clap:

So thats where u got it king
Title: Re: "Tid bits "O" Humor"
Post by: GTCommando on December 17, 2010, 03:15:32 AM
Here's another one for y'all:

Letter from a farm kid
(now at San Diego, Marine Corps Recruit Training)

Dear Ma and Pa:

I am well. Hope you are too. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer that the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled.

I was restless at first because you have to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m., but I am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay... practically nothing. Men got to shave but it's not so bad... there's warm water. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie, and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus yours holds you 'til noon when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much.

We go on "route marches," which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it's not my place to tell him different. A "route march" is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.

The country is nice but awful flat. The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The captain is like the school board. Majors and colonels just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none.

This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move, and it ain't shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.

Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home. I'm about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake. I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I'm only 5'6" and 130 pounds and he's 6'8" and near 300 pounds dry.

Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join up before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding on in.

Your loving daughter,
Alice

http://marklowry.com/outside/funnies/funnies.htm
Title: Re: "Tid bits "O" Humor"
Post by: mclarke on April 26, 2011, 06:09:24 PM
Quote from: GTCommando on December 17, 2010, 03:15:32 AM
Here's another one for y'all:

Letter from a farm kid
(now at San Diego, Marine Corps Recruit Training)

Dear Ma and Pa:

I am well. Hope you are too. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer that the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled.

I was restless at first because you have to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m., but I am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay... practically nothing. Men got to shave but it's not so bad... there's warm water. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie, and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus yours holds you 'til noon when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much.

We go on "route marches," which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it's not my place to tell him different. A "route march" is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.

The country is nice but awful flat. The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The captain is like the school board. Majors and colonels just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none.

This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move, and it ain't shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.

Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home. I'm about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake. I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I'm only 5'6" and 130 pounds and he's 6'8" and near 300 pounds dry.

Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join up before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding on in.

Your loving daughter,
Alice

http://marklowry.com/outside/funnies/funnies.htm

I have read this before, however, I always find it to be funny  :clap:
Title: Re: "Tid bits "O" Humor"
Post by: Nighthawk on April 26, 2011, 10:22:04 PM
Quote from: mclarke on April 26, 2011, 06:09:24 PM
Quote from: GTCommando on December 17, 2010, 03:15:32 AM
Here's another one for y'all:

Letter from a farm kid
(now at San Diego, Marine Corps Recruit Training)

Dear Ma and Pa:

I am well. Hope you are too. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer that the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled.

I was restless at first because you have to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m., but I am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay... practically nothing. Men got to shave but it's not so bad... there's warm water. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie, and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus yours holds you 'til noon when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much.

We go on "route marches," which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it's not my place to tell him different. A "route march" is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.

The country is nice but awful flat. The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The captain is like the school board. Majors and colonels just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none.

This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move, and it ain't shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.

Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home. I'm about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake. I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I'm only 5'6" and 130 pounds and he's 6'8" and near 300 pounds dry.

Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join up before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding on in.

Your loving daughter,
Alice

http://marklowry.com/outside/funnies/funnies.htm

I have read this before, however, I always find it to be funny  :clap:

Same here. I have told this one so many times, all my family members say the punchline only 1 or 2 lines in.
Title: Re: "Tid bits "O" Humor"
Post by: Abdomina on April 26, 2011, 11:51:28 PM
my first sergeant shared this with us cadets a few weeks ago just before the meeting

After every flight, ups pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of >humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by ups ' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, ups is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on
back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right
wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last..................

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget
Title: Re: "Tid bits "O" Humor"
Post by: SarDragon on April 27, 2011, 06:29:04 AM
That joke is older than UPS Airlines by at least 15 years. I've seen it with USAF, USN, USMC, and other airlines instead of UPS.
Title: Re: "Tid bits "O" Humor"
Post by: HGjunkie on April 28, 2011, 02:38:25 AM
I can't stop laughing!
Title: Re: "Tid bits "O" Humor"
Post by: Nighthawk on April 29, 2011, 01:47:25 AM
it is amusing, but i have heard it all over the place.
Title: Re: "Tid bits "O" Humor"
Post by: Eclipse on June 27, 2011, 09:44:03 PM
Quote from: Nighthawk on April 29, 2011, 01:47:25 AM
it is amusing, but i have heard it all over the place.

Like here:
http://captalk.net/index.php?topic=1844.msg53160#msg53160
Title: Re: "Tid bits "O" Humor"
Post by: ol'fido on June 27, 2011, 10:43:55 PM
From the website Aviation Humor:

Apparently the ground controllers at Frankfurt airport in Germany are well known for being arrogant and imperious on the radio especially with pilots that aren't familiar with the gate layout at the terminal. One day a British Airways jet lands at Frankfort....

Frankfurt GC: Speedbird 206, clear the active and proceed on Taxiway c to Gate 10A.

The BA jet clears the runway and proceeds on to the taxiway and slows to a stop.

Frankfurt GC(in a very snotty voice): Is the a problem, Speedbird 206?

Speedbird 206: We're just checking our index to find our gate location, Ground Control.

Frankfurt GC(Very Curtly): Have you never been to Frankfurt before?

Speedbird 206( in a very laconic, British accent): Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark and I didn't land.
Title: Re: "Tid bits "O" Humor"
Post by: Tags on July 07, 2011, 06:47:27 PM
Here are my two favorites:
-
The Air Force, the Navy, the Army, and the Marine Corps are asked to work together to secure a building.
The Air Force buys it.
The Navy locks the doors.
The Army sets up a perimeter.
And the Marines blow it up.
;D
----
An elderly American man has just gotten off a plane and in France and is getting his passport checked at customs.
The customs official says, "Sir, have you ever been to France?"
The man replies, "Yes. I have."
The customs official looks through his passport and says "No, you haven't."
The old gent says again, "Yes, i have."
The customs official is getting flustered. "No, you have not! There is no French stamp on your passport, and we are very strict! If you had been here before you would have a stamp!"
The American looks him in the eye and says, "When i came ashore at Omaha beach 67 years ago there wasn't a Frenchman in sight to offer me a stamp."
Title: Re: "Tid bits "O" Humor"
Post by: arajca on July 07, 2011, 07:00:43 PM
I've liked the Army-Navy game washroom one:

A midshipman and a cadet are using the urinals at the Army-Navy game. After finishing, the midshipman goes to the sink to wash his hands while the cadet heads for the door.

The midshipman states, loudly, "In the Navy, a gentleman washes his hands after using the restroom."

The cadet pauses and replies, "In the Army, we do not piss on our fingers."
Title: Re: "Tid bits "O" Humor"
Post by: titanII on July 07, 2011, 08:06:33 PM
Quote from: Tags on July 07, 2011, 06:47:27 PM
An elderly American man has just gotten off a plane and in France and is getting his passport checked at customs.
The customs official says, "Sir, have you ever been to France?"
The man replies, "Yes. I have."
The customs official looks through his passport and says "No, you haven't."
The old gent says again, "Yes, i have."
The customs official is getting flustered. "No, you have not! There is no French stamp on your passport, and we are very strict! If you had been here before you would have a stamp!"
The American looks him in the eye and says, "When i came ashore at Omaha beach 67 years ago there wasn't a Frenchman in sight to offer me a stamp."
Someone I know that was in France on D-Day always said (in jest) "I'm never going to France again. Last time I was there (D-Day), I didn't feel very welcomed."  ;D

Quote from: arajca on July 07, 2011, 07:00:43 PM
I've liked the Army-Navy game washroom one:

A midshipman and a cadet are using the urinals at the Army-Navy game. After finishing, the midshipman goes to the sink to wash his hands while the cadet heads for the door.

The midshipman states, loudly, "In the Navy, a gentleman washes his hands after using the restroom."

The cadet pauses and replies, "In the Army, we do not piss on our fingers."
LOL. That's just too good  ;D
Title: Re: "Tid bits "O" Humor"
Post by: Phil Hirons, Jr. on July 07, 2011, 08:18:31 PM
Quote from: arajca on July 07, 2011, 07:00:43 PM
I've liked the Army-Navy game washroom one:

A midshipman and a cadet are using the urinals at the Army-Navy game. After finishing, the midshipman goes to the sink to wash his hands while the cadet heads for the door.

The midshipman states, loudly, "In the Navy, a gentleman washes his hands after using the restroom."

The cadet pauses and replies, "In the Army, we do not piss on our fingers."

I'd always heard that one as surgeon (replaces midshipman) and a chiropractor.
Title: Re: "Tid bits "O" Humor"
Post by: Mavvrikk on November 25, 2011, 06:09:56 AM
Me and a SSG went into the bathroom, along with a few other cadets,  I was a Airman 1st Class at the time. And it was a night I was visiting the squadron, long story for another time.

SSG looking at another cadet: Did you wash your hands?
Cadet: Nope, and I'm not gonna (joking)
SSG looking at me: What about you?
Me hysterically laughing: No.... (walks back in)


You'd have to be there, it was the whole conversation exchange, the way it was done that made it funny.
Title: Re: "Tid bits "O" Humor"
Post by: will3947 on February 15, 2013, 02:02:45 AM
Ok, This MAY seem off-topic, but WE NEED A NEW THEME SONG. OURS IS OLD AND OUTDATED SOOO.....
Or at least find a better quality verison, or recreate it.
Title: Re: "Tid bits "O" Humor"
Post by: That Anonymous Guy on February 15, 2013, 02:09:27 AM
Let's hire Niki Minaj to connect with the American Youth.
Title: Re: "Tid bits "O" Humor"
Post by: ol'fido on February 15, 2013, 04:02:00 AM
Top  choices:

1. Ride of the Valkyries. Wagner.
2. There she goes. Manfred Mann
3. We Gotta Get Outta this Place. The Animals
4. Satisfaction. Rolling Stones
5. Ballad of the Green Berets. Barry Sadler
Title: Re: "Tid bits "O" Humor"
Post by: Luis R. Ramos on February 15, 2013, 01:37:06 PM
Ol'Fido-

Are you sure about the Ride of the Valkyries? Wagner???

I love it, but programs made by Discover, Military History, and other channels still associate Wagner with the Nazi regime. And what is the one they choose when the Luftwaffe is shown bombing Poland and their initial success? And the Panzers rolling?

Ride of the Valkyries!

I can imagine it now, a video of our airplanes taking off, to the tune of Ride! Maybe start with a CAP Flightline Marshaler pointing or issuing other directions with the beginning airs... Then cut to a Cessna taking off... For the second stanza or verse cut to a CAP van with a Ground Team...

I have to stop as I am at work and my imagination runs wild fast... I may get one of those movie programs and create one...

Flyer
Title: Re: "Tid bits "O" Humor"
Post by: will3947 on February 16, 2013, 12:12:02 AM
That's it!
WE NEED A SONG AND I WANT PEOPLE TO LIST OUT THE POTENTIAL SONGS!
1. Ride of The Valkryes Nah, Screw it.
2. Fortunate Son.
3. We gotta get out of this place.
4. Transformers- Arrival to Earth :D
5. Gangnam Style (KIDDING)
6. ???
You decide
Title: Re: "Tid bits "O" Humor"
Post by: will3947 on February 16, 2013, 12:13:23 AM
WAIT WAIT WAIT!
TOP GUN THEME!
8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8)
Title: Re: "Tid bits "O" Humor"
Post by: Al Sayre on February 16, 2013, 01:03:57 AM
^^^ Can't do that, the Safety guys don't want us anywhere near the Danger Zone... ;D
Title: Re: "Tid bits "O" Humor"
Post by: BillB on February 16, 2013, 01:25:05 AM
The current "we are the CAP" or whatever, causes hair lose
Title: Re: "Tid bits "O" Humor"
Post by: That Anonymous Guy on February 16, 2013, 01:38:29 AM
Quote from: will3947 on February 16, 2013, 12:13:23 AM
WAIT WAIT WAIT!
TOP GUN THEME!
8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8)
HIGHWAY TO THA DANGAAAAA ZONE!
We need lyrics. I'll start it off, "From the Halls of the Capitol Building,Tto the Shores of NYC; We will educate the public about aerospace." That's all I got
Title: Re: "Tid bits "O" Humor"
Post by: will3947 on February 16, 2013, 06:38:00 AM
ok, we need to work on that.
FOR SURE
Title: Re: "Tid bits "O" Humor"
Post by: ol'fido on February 16, 2013, 11:55:48 PM
Quote from: flyer333555 on February 15, 2013, 01:37:06 PM
Ol'Fido-

Are you sure about the Ride of the Valkyries? Wagner???

I love it, but programs made by Discover, Military History, and other channels still associate Wagner with the Nazi regime. And what is the one they choose when the Luftwaffe is shown bombing Poland and their initial success? And the Panzers rolling?

Ride of the Valkyries!

I can imagine it now, a video of our airplanes taking off, to the tune of Ride! Maybe start with a CAP Flightline Marshaler pointing or issuing other directions with the beginning airs... Then cut to a Cessna taking off... For the second stanza or verse cut to a CAP van with a Ground Team...

I have to stop as I am at work and my imagination runs wild fast... I may get one of those movie programs and create one...

Flyer
Imagine if you will, fifty or sixty Cessna172s coming in low out of the rising sun in perfect combat formation. The door gunners are checking their guns and the enemy is running around in panic at the sight.....Sorry, flashbacks you know. Rent or download Apocalypse Now.
Title: Re: "Tid bits "O" Humor"
Post by: will3947 on February 17, 2013, 03:17:00 AM
This is too epic of a topic to leave.....lets keep working on it. We need some lyrics for the....
TOP GUN THEME
8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8)
Title: Re: "Tid bits "O" Humor"
Post by: Luis R. Ramos on February 27, 2013, 05:17:04 PM
Ol' Fido-

And behind the Cessnas come...

The gliders... the gliders!

Flyer
Title: Re: "Tid bits "O" Humor"
Post by: johnnyb47 on February 27, 2013, 05:36:35 PM
Theme song candidate?
The Donut Song (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nfNrKwhMxPI#)
>:D
Title: Re: "Tid bits "O" Humor"
Post by: Luis R. Ramos on February 27, 2013, 06:51:15 PM
The new CAP song (use the tune We Got Donuts posted by Johnny)

We got missions! We got missions, got missions!! GOT MISSIONS!!!
  For the city the state and THE NATION!!

We got planes. We got planes got planes GOT PLANES!
  To take cadets help the nation fo'ever FO'EVER!

We got cadets. We got cadets got cadets GOT CADETS!
  To learn to serve to help TO HELP!

If you like it, give me credit. If ya don't, well, blame it on a rainy day in Brooklyn, NY...

Flyer
Title: Re: "Tid bits "O" Humor"
Post by: Black Knight on April 12, 2013, 03:50:57 PM
Heres one I read about a guy in the Air Force:
"One day, there were animals. on the end of the runway. My 1st Sergeant came over and told me to fix the problem. So I ran out to the runway. The animals wouldn't go away, so I started to flap my arms. Next thing I know a voice comes over the loudspeaker: 'Attention to  the airman at the end of the runway, you are cleared for take off' "
Title: Re: "Tid bits "O" Humor"
Post by: Garibaldi on April 12, 2013, 10:03:28 PM
Quote from: Black Knight on April 12, 2013, 03:50:57 PM
Heres one I read about a guy in the Air Force:
"One day, there were animals. on the end of the runway. My 1st Sergeant came over and told me to fix the problem. So I ran out to the runway. The animals wouldn't go away, so I started to flap my arms. Next thing I know a voice comes over the loudspeaker: 'Attention to  the airman at the end of the runway, you are cleared for take off' "

Saw that in Reader's Digest...still funny.
Title: Re: "Tid bits "O" Humor"
Post by: Black Knight on April 12, 2013, 10:46:32 PM
Quote from: Garibaldi on April 12, 2013, 10:03:28 PM
Quote from: Black Knight on April 12, 2013, 03:50:57 PM
Heres one I read about a guy in the Air Force:
"One day, there were animals. on the end of the runway. My 1st Sergeant came over and told me to fix the problem. So I ran out to the runway. The animals wouldn't go away, so I started to flap my arms. Next thing I know a voice comes over the loudspeaker: 'Attention to  the airman at the end of the runway, you are cleared for take off' "

Saw that in Reader's Digest...still funny.
Oh thats where I found it. I couldn't remember earlier...
Title: Re: "Tid bits "O" Humor"
Post by: a2capt on November 21, 2013, 01:48:44 AM
I can so see this happening ...
(https://fbexternal-a.akamaihd.net/safe_image.php?d=AQCbjkBWUhzkUAed&w=526&h=354&url=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2FgmOatDa.jpg)
Title: Re: "Tid bits "O" Humor"
Post by: Webster on April 24, 2014, 07:52:20 PM
It was graduation day of my basic Encampment and it was very cold (in my opinion). We had just gotten done with pass and review when we headed back to get ready for graduation. Well, being as cold as I was, I chose to add an additional layer of warmth by putting on another pair long underwear. Twas a clever idea, but in the process of adding the additional layer I had to remove my dress blues pants. Naturally, I didn't want my pants to be filthy so I place them neatly on the nearby HVAC unit (Heating, Ventilation, Air-Conditioning). To my dismay, that evil monster sucked my pants out of sight, and towards rapidly turning blades. 10 minutes till graduation. So I took advantage of my opportunity to run around outside without pants and went and fetched an active duty civil-engineer who, in the most awkward circumstance, stopped the hungry blades from devouring my pants. I was then instructed to poke my head into to the dark, dusty, home of spiders to retrieve my pants, and I did. No surprise, they were coated in grime just as I. At this point graduation is 5 minutes away. And my wingman had left and gone to the auditorium. Never run in blues they say. Well I did and it felt good.
Title: Re: "Tid bits "O" Humor"
Post by: HGjunkie on April 24, 2014, 11:44:58 PM
Wait, were you in Golf flight or are you the other brother?
Title: Re: "Tid bits "O" Humor"
Post by: Webster on April 25, 2014, 08:01:43 PM
GFLT! Haha Yep! That was me!
Title: Re: "Tid bits "O" Humor"
Post by: Webster on April 25, 2014, 08:39:13 PM
Captain Cowan? :o
Title: Re: "Tid bits "O" Humor"
Post by: HGjunkie on April 25, 2014, 10:22:07 PM
 >:D Hey Webster, I remember this incident a lot better now. Haha, live and learn. That was quite the story afterwards...
Title: Re: "Tid bits "O" Humor"
Post by: Webster on April 26, 2014, 06:24:37 PM
Haha at the time i was scared to death!
Title: Re: "Tid bits "O" Humor"
Post by: AlphaSigOU on April 27, 2014, 09:13:41 PM
Quote from: johnnyb47 on February 27, 2013, 05:36:35 PM
Theme song candidate?
The Donut Song (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nfNrKwhMxPI#)
>:D

Kill me now... but bury me with a couple of dozen Krispy Kremes! :D
Title: Re: "Tid bits "O" Humor"
Post by: Merkava on September 09, 2014, 09:36:18 PM
Lol, here's something funny that happened to me this past Sunday.
There was a baseball game at the Tropicana Field in Tampa, FL. The Tampa Bay Rays were playing against the Baltimore Orioles, the latter won btw with 7 - 6 on the scoreboard. It was a sad game.[/size][/font][/color]

Anyway, the Ray's mascot comes out onto the field during a switch out and saunters over to one of the security guards standing there with his back facing the mascot. After a couple wiggles and awkward moves, the "animal like" mascot walks right up to the guard and flashes his shirt to show his big round belly. Then he saunters back to the benches. Everyone next to me were choking in laughter, and I noticed that one guard had his head in his hands, shaking it.

Not 15 min later, the "animal" walks into the special ticket row that had a buffet to go with the deal. He stared at the table, looking from end to end. Then out of the blue, he walks up to a grill with hot dogs, picks one up and aims at the crowd, scanning it with his free furry finger. Before either of my friends or I realized, that thing was flying toward us like a dog out of the furnace. It smacked into the cadet right next to me, bounced off, hit me, bounced off again, hit the guy next to me, bounced off and hit our Squadron's Cadet Commander square on the left cheek. Of course he reacted by smacking it off and initiating the "hot potato" game. It eventually landed in the aisle in front of us. That was the most craziest thing I had ever seen, and we just couldn't stop laughing.

Of course someone had to make a joke about the fact that I was there: "He threw that pork sausage at us because he knew you were Jewish." Of course I found that hilarious.
But that wasn't the end of it. 20 min later, he picked up a brick like package of 10 hot dogs and aimed at the crowd again. If a lady hadn't showed up and halted the scene, we would have a had an army of hot dogs flying toward us lol!

I have never, in my life, experienced something like this at a baseball game!  ;D :o
Title: Re: "Tid bits "O" Humor"
Post by: Merkava on September 09, 2014, 09:40:33 PM
Oh, btw. Does anyone know exactly what the Ray's mascot is? Here is an excerpt from their website on this bizarre "animal":

In early 1998, Rays scouts on a fishing trip in the Gulf of Mexico spotted a strange looking animal. The creature, apparently drawn to the boat by the smell of hot dogs on the hibachi, climbed aboard and soon won the scouts over with his silly antics. During the excitement, a scout had a brilliant idea: make this fun loving fuzz ball the mascot for the new baseball team. "Raymond" as the scouts dubbed him, immediately accepted their contract offer of all the hot dogs he could eat, all the high fives he could handle, and the ability to shake his groove thing to countless Tampa Bay fans.
Raymond's animal-like appearance causes confusion among fans of all ages. His fuzzy face is similar to a walrus and his bulbous blue belly likens him to a mutant manatee. So what exactly is he?
In 2005 marine biologists and zoologists made a startling discovery; Raymond is actually a previously undiscovered species of dog known as "Canus Manta Whatthefluffalus" or in layman's terms, a Seadog. Seadogs have all the traits of normal dogs. They enjoy going for walks, playing with kids, and fetching. Unlike other dogs they are five to six feet tall, walk upright, are blue in color, and chase catfish. While other dogs live on land, Seadogs usually live in or around the water. Seadogs are well known for their fun-loving nature, passion for baseball, and general good looks.
Title: Re: "Tid bits "O" Humor"
Post by: Simplex on September 16, 2014, 04:37:07 PM
Great stuff....always good for a laugh! Thanks.
Title: Re: "Tid bits "O" Humor"
Post by: Merkava on September 16, 2014, 05:05:11 PM
Yeah. I just thought I would enter that as a beginner since I'm relatively new to this community thing for CAP. Never new it existed in all my time spent in CAP. But hey, I may have more to tell if I can rack my brain and remember.
Title: Re: "Tid bits "O" Humor"
Post by: AirmanAwesome on March 05, 2015, 10:55:01 PM
Me and a  female Basic talking about japanese food at Olympic Airshow.

C/AB: I've never eaten tentacles before.
Me: Really?
C/Msgt: Thought you said something else..
Me: What could you mistake "tentacles" for?
C/Msgt: I thought she said she had never eaten testicles before..
Me: *quietly* oooohhhhh
C/AB: Oh my god..

:clap:  8)  gg C/Msgt!!
Title: Re: "Tid bits "O" Humor"
Post by: Airplane girl on March 07, 2015, 01:07:47 AM
That reminds me of something that happened at my school in 4th grade...

One day in gym, the teacher was explaining a game we were about to play. Since it was gym, it involved balls. A couple of boys for some reason thought the word balls was hilarious. So they started giggling. They got in big trouble with the teacher and had to go to the lower school office. When they came back, my gym teacher (who has a Scottish accent, by the way) asked one of the boys to explain what balls were to the class. So he got up in front of everyone. He looked at us. We looked at him. And then in a very serious voice, he declared TENTACLES!

I go to a K-12 school, and 4 years later we still all remember this. And yes, we were in 4th grade.
Title: Re: "Tid bits "O" Humor"
Post by: C/Cool on March 07, 2015, 01:58:19 AM
This thread is starting to get a little bit inappropriate...   :)
Title: Re: "Tid bits "O" Humor"
Post by: Garibaldi on March 07, 2015, 11:44:28 AM
Just as I thought...cadets CAN police themselves...  :o
Title: Re: "Tid bits "O" Humor"
Post by: PHall on March 07, 2015, 04:48:32 PM
Quote from: Garibaldi on March 07, 2015, 11:44:28 AM
Just as I thought...cadets CAN police themselves...  :o

If they're allowed to. ::)
Title: Re: "Tid bits "O" Humor"
Post by: TexasBEAST on March 19, 2015, 10:49:23 PM
My name is Steven, and I had a supervisor on-shift at work today named Brian. We each sold some widgets at a great premium price early during the shift today, so the sup announced on the radio that we were "Team BS".

We saw a female co-worker nodding her head up and down and grinning from ear to ear at that.

Then Brian expounded on his earlier comment, "Of course, that's 'BS' for 'Best Sellers'."

The female co-worker made the thumbs-down sign and shook her head sideways.

At that point, I pointed out that the sup was forgetting about one of my buddies named Gilbert. I told him that that would actually make us "Team BSG . . . or Battlestar Galactica."

The radio went silent for several seconds.

And then Brian remarked, "You WOULD say something like that!"
Title: Re: "Tid bits "O" Humor"
Post by: calebtornado12 on May 26, 2016, 12:29:26 AM
Alright, I've got a good one for y'all. A few weeks back, my flight received around 12 new cadets that just graduated our "New Cadet Program," and I was addressing them outside at this point. Here's what went down.

In total, I had about 25 cadets in the flight and we were outside, so i needed to raise my voice quite a bit so that everyone could hear me. Now.... being the growing teenager I am, sometimes yelling in general is a bad idea considering what can happen.

So we are standing in the flight, and I'm addressing all the cadets on how their chain of command works and who they need to contact and stuff like that. At the end of each statement, I would say "Is that understood?" but in a louder way, and the proper reply would normally be "Yes Sergeant."

So at the end of this final statement, I had been speaking for a long time at this point, and my throat was getting tired, and I asked one more time, "Is that understood?" But this one was different... I had been saying this one a bit louder than the others, when suddenly, on the "-Stood" part of "understood" my voice cracked in a way that I personally like to say was "majestic,"  8) but according to some other cadets, my voice "sounded like a piccolo being beaten by a rubber chicken."

I now have a new nickname in the squadron known by all.... "Sergeant Squeaky"

Oh, and did I mention, the majority of our Senior Staff was their to witness it.  ;D

   
Title: Re: "Tid bits "O" Humor"
Post by: JeffDG on May 26, 2016, 02:30:09 AM
Quote from: AirmanAwesome on March 05, 2015, 10:55:01 PM
C/Msgt: I thought she said she had never eaten testicles before..
We called them Prairie Oysters.
Title: Re: "Tid bits "O" Humor"
Post by: SarDragon on May 26, 2016, 02:34:05 AM
Re: Sgt Squeaky - that's a classic call sign assignment. You don't pick your own; it gets picked for you. And, the more you complain, the more it stick with you.
Title: Re: "Tid bits "O" Humor"
Post by: calebtornado12 on May 26, 2016, 02:49:29 AM
Quote from: SarDragon on May 26, 2016, 02:34:05 AM
Re: Sgt Squeaky - that's a classic call sign assignment. You don't pick your own; it gets picked for you. And, the more you complain, the more it stick with you.

I didn't give that to myself? That was given to me... And yes, the more complaining that happens, the worse it will get. I personally don't have a problem with that name, but I've seen other have that problem.
Title: Re: "Tid bits "O" Humor"
Post by: SarDragon on May 26, 2016, 03:23:59 AM
Quote from: calebtornado12 on May 26, 2016, 02:49:29 AM
Quote from: SarDragon on May 26, 2016, 02:34:05 AM
Re: Sgt Squeaky - that's a classic call sign assignment. You don't pick your own; it gets picked for you. And, the more you complain, the more it stick with you.

I didn't give that to myself? That was given to me... And yes, the more complaining that happens, the worse it will get. I personally don't have a problem with that name, but I've seen other have that problem.

Never said you did. I was just pointing out, for the benefit of others, how call signs work. Not everyone, particularly cadets, knows the drill.
Title: Re: "Tid bits "O" Humor"
Post by: calebtornado12 on May 26, 2016, 09:15:38 PM
Ah alright sir, sorry about that.
Title: Re: "Tid bits "O" Humor"
Post by: grunt82abn on May 27, 2016, 04:44:10 AM
If any wants additional "Tid bits "O" Humor" go check out the barrel role post. Hilarious!!! ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: "Tid bits "O" Humor"
Post by: SarDragon on May 27, 2016, 05:23:04 AM
Quote from: grunt82abn on May 27, 2016, 04:44:10 AM
If any wants additional "Tid bits "O" Humor" go check out the barrel role post. Hilarious!!! ;D ;D ;D

I'd rather have a leading role. Better marquee position.  >:D
Title: Re: "Tid bits "O" Humor"
Post by: DakRadz on May 27, 2016, 11:25:26 PM
Quote from: SarDragon on May 27, 2016, 05:23:04 AM
Quote from: grunt82abn on May 27, 2016, 04:44:10 AM
If any wants additional "Tid bits "O" Humor" go check out the barrel role post. Hilarious!!! ;D ;D ;D

I'd rather have a leading role. Better marquee position.  >:D

Ain't that the truth!

Glad I could oblige ;)
Title: Re: "Tid bits "O" Humor"
Post by: Holding Pattern on November 14, 2017, 04:41:13 PM
A long while ago:

Me: I'd like to implement a CRM system (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Customer_relationship_management) for the squadron. What are your thoughts?
Pilot: A CRM system (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crew_resource_management) for the squadron? That's a little extreme, don't you think?
Title: Re: "Tid bits "O" Humor"
Post by: best_name_ever on November 20, 2017, 08:53:47 PM
This story is from last summer, my basic encampment.

Leading up to encampment, I was so psyched. I packed three weeks in advance and the day before, ate virtually nothing in anticipation. Looking back, that was a pretty stupid move.
Anyway, on the way down to ft. Pickett, paranoid about being dehydrated, I chugged water the whole ride down. After in processing and contraband, everyone was issued a 16 oz canteen, and we were told to drink it every hour. Of course, this amount of water would be perfect during the week in the heat of July, but, since it was the first day, we weren't doing much exercise. Me being an overachiever, I decided  could do better and at dinner, full from so much water, I could barely eat. Not surprisingly, I started to feel sick, and thinking I was dehydrated, drank more. After pt I could barely walk and during the blister check almost passed out. I finally told a senior member that I was feeling awful, and hobbled over to medbay.  They gave me some tums, but I kept throwing up. After a while, they thought I would be ok, and sent me back to the barracks. Once I got back, I switched beds (I was on the top bunk) and still barfing, tried to go to sleep. In any case, the last thing I remember is me yelling out "Medic, please," and passing out dead on the floor. Dramatic, I know. :P After that, I don't remember anything, but apparently I had seizures. An ambulance came and I was whisked to the near by ER. They couldn't help me, so I was put back in the ambulance and driven to another hospital in Richmond, where I stayed. I was unconscious for three days, and after the doctors said I had drunk two gallons of water, and had gotten something called hyponatremia, or low sodium. First of all, I don't know how it is humanly possible to down two gallons of water in the first half day of encampment, but, hey, I did. :o Anyway, that experience has taught me a couple of things.  Eat before encampment, no matter how excited you are. ;) Drink water in moderation and don't be afraid to tell people if you are sick. I didn't get to finish encampment, but I can go back next year.

Hopefully you all were perfectly fine for your basic year.  8) 8) 8)
Title: Re: "Tid bits "O" Humor"
Post by: audiododd on November 21, 2017, 08:05:41 AM
Quote from: best_name_ever on November 20, 2017, 08:53:47 PM
This story is from last summer, my basic encampment.

Leading up to encampment, I was so psyched. I packed three weeks in advance and the day before, ate virtually nothing in anticipation. Looking back, that was a pretty stupid move.
Anyway, on the way down to ft. Pickett, paranoid about being dehydrated, I chugged water the whole ride down. After in processing and contraband, everyone was issued a 16 oz canteen, and we were told to drink it every hour. Of course, this amount of water would be perfect during the week in the heat of July, but, since it was the first day, we weren't doing much exercise. Me being an overachiever, I decided  could do better and at dinner, full from so much water, I could barely eat. Not surprisingly, I started to feel sick, and thinking I was dehydrated, drank more. After pt I could barely walk and during the blister check almost passed out. I finally told a senior member that I was feeling awful, and hobbled over to medbay.  They gave me some tums, but I kept throwing up. After a while, they thought I would be ok, and sent me back to the barracks. Once I got back, I switched beds (I was on the top bunk) and still barfing, tried to go to sleep. In any case, the last thing I remember is me yelling out "Medic, please," and passing out dead on the floor. Dramatic, I know. :P After that, I don't remember anything, but apparently I had seizures. An ambulance came and I was whisked to the near by ER. They couldn't help me, so I was put back in the ambulance and driven to another hospital in Richmond, where I stayed. I was unconscious for three days, and after the doctors said I had drunk two gallons of water, and had gotten something called hyponatremia, or low sodium. First of all, I don't know how it is humanly possible to down two gallons of water in the first half day of encampment, but, hey, I did. :o Anyway, that experience has taught me a couple of things.  Eat before encampment, no matter how excited you are. ;) Drink water in moderation and don't be afraid to tell people if you are sick. I didn't get to finish encampment, but I can go back next year.

Hopefully you all were perfectly fine for your basic year.  8) 8) 8)

Dude!!  That's some serious stuff!!  An AF Basic Trainee died back in 2000 due, in part, to hyponatremia (also called 'water intoxication') - too much water causes an imbalance of sodium in the body, which in turn, pulls water from the blood and into the cells.  This causes swelling, which in the brain can be fatal.  I'm glad all you needed was a trip to the hospital.   It's fairly rare, since you need to drink gallons of water in a short time, but in the right environment -- as you showed -- it could happen.
Title: Re: "Tid bits "O" Humor"
Post by: MSG Mac on November 21, 2017, 10:47:05 AM
This should be taught at every cadet activity as well as a subject in safety classes.
Title: Re: "Tid bits "O" Humor"
Post by: Spam on November 21, 2017, 04:02:58 PM
Quote from: best_name_ever on November 20, 2017, 08:53:47 PM
This story is from last summer, my basic first encampment.

Leading up to encampment, I was so psyched. I packed three weeks in advance and the day before, ate virtually nothing in anticipation. Looking back, that was a pretty stupid move.
Anyway, on the way down to ft. Pickett, paranoid about being dehydrated, I chugged water the whole ride down. After in processing and contraband, everyone was issued a 16 oz canteen, and we were told to drink it every hour. Of course, this amount of water would be perfect during the week in the heat of July, but, since it was the first day, we weren't doing much exercise. Me being an overachiever, I decided  could do better and at dinner, full from so much water, I could barely eat. Not surprisingly, I started to feel sick, and thinking I was dehydrated, drank more. After pt I could barely walk and during the blister check almost passed out. I finally told a senior member that I was feeling awful, and hobbled over to medbay.  They gave me some tums, but I kept throwing up. After a while, they thought I would be ok, and sent me back to the barracks. Once I got back, I switched beds (I was on the top bunk) and still barfing, tried to go to sleep. In any case, the last thing I remember is me yelling out "Medic, please," and passing out dead on the floor. Dramatic, I know. :P After that, I don't remember anything, but apparently I had seizures. An ambulance came and I was whisked to the near by ER. They couldn't help me, so I was put back in the ambulance and driven to another hospital in Richmond, where I stayed. I was unconscious for three days, and after the doctors said I had drunk two gallons of water, and had gotten something called hyponatremia, or low sodium. First of all, I don't know how it is humanly possible to down two gallons of water in the first half day of encampment, but, hey, I did. :o Anyway, that experience has taught me a couple of things.  Eat before encampment, no matter how excited you are. ;) Drink water in moderation and don't be afraid to tell people if you are sick. I didn't get to finish encampment, but I can go back next year.

Hopefully you all were perfectly fine for your basic first year.  8) 8) 8)

Fixed that for you, best name; doctrinally we do not refer to first time attendees as "basics" (and anyone who tells you differently needs to read the approved encampment staff handbook, where you will see "trainees" and "students"). See: https://www.capmembers.com/cadet_programs/activities/encampment/index.cfm (https://www.capmembers.com/cadet_programs/activities/encampment/index.cfm)


I agree, that's a pretty serious history, and yeah, its a good lesson learned for our amateur medics and amateur encampment staff. We've recently seen similar incidents of flushing partly due to encampment staff either under mixing or refusing to provide fluids with electrolytes (e.g. Gatorade) due to a perception that they're expensive or "too much trouble to mix", etc. I hope your story helps illustrate why we encourage a sensible, balanced approach.

Thanks for sharing, and best wishes for your upcoming encampment.


V/r
Spam

Title: Re: "Tid bits "O" Humor"
Post by: Spam on December 15, 2017, 09:18:45 PM
(https://i.redd.it/74nvnh0wnw201.jpg)
Title: Re: "Tid bits "O" Humor"
Post by: PHall on December 16, 2017, 12:30:46 AM
Quote from: Spam on December 15, 2017, 09:18:45 PM
(https://i.redd.it/74nvnh0wnw201.jpg)

So where's the humor???   Just looks like the usual "junk mail" that flows between General Officers. Even Russian Generals play the game.