promotion stress ?

[stitchmom]

Where do cadets get this stress to promote and believing they lack self discipline? The past week my cadet has been saying it's been (50 something ?) days a month ago that he could promote..he was stressed going on about self discipline and how he lacks it. I'm like He hasn't been in CAP long but he has done well and has promoted a few times, learned different types of first aid, encampment, and has been to many weekend activities.
I'm not sure how to counter this. I afraid he is in a head game where he thinks something is wrong when nothing is.  He is good kid but he is at the age when Moms don't know anything, so me telling him not to worry doesn't hold a lot of weight...

[Гугл переводчик]

I believe it may be from the other cadets pressuring them to promote as soon as they can. What I've noticed recently is too much emphasis is placed purely on promotion, instead of growing at each phase and grade and promoting when they are actually ready for the responsibility.

[Brit_in_CAP]

^+1

I'd recommend making an appointment to talk to the Deputy Commander for Cadets (CDC) initially.  I say appointment because asking to talk to the CDC at a definite point is better than trying to catch them at the start or end of the meeting, and email can loose some of the nuance.

I agree with SamualRosinsky - growth matters more than purely the achievement level.  The speed of advancement tends to slow in the later phases as school work becomes more intense alongside the demands of the CAP achievements - they do require work!

Start with an email to the CDC, asking to meet with them and outline your concerns, making it clear you want to talk with them as opposed to simply exchange emails; if all else fails, call them.  Personally, during my tenure as a CDC, I always welcomed the opportunity to talk with a concerned parent.   

[stitchmom]

Thank you, I will talk to him. Maybe he can say something to him that he is doing good and he doesn't have to promote on the 50 something day and he does not lack self discipline.  I wonder if it is other cadets too, because the senior staff is nothing but encouraging. You won't find people more dedicated to youth. 

[CAPDCCMOM]

Does the Cadet have a Wing Man assigned to him? If so, is it a good and constructive mentoring relationship? If not, perhaps he needs to find a new mentor. My own Cadet was feeling really down on himself for a while in CAP. I finally sat him down and asked him some really tough questions. Such as, "What are the other Cadets, the ones that promote more often, do that you don't do? What can you do to make these goals a reality?".

The very next day, my son ordered the Cadet Poster will all the grades, ribbons, etc and when it arrived he hung it on his wall. He began to write on it his goal dates and what he had to do by when. His wall is now covered with promotion certificates, Cadet of the Month Certificates, and still the original poster.

Your Cadet may be learning more about himself, and some of it may be uncomfortable. If he said that he lacks self awareness, then he may be asking you to help him achieve a goal.

Just a thought.

[Garibaldi]

Personal opinion: I don't push my cadets to promote, except for when they've been stagnant. It is self-paced. People learn at different rates. Peer pressure doesn't really have a lot to do with it, in my experience. Some will get an inflated sense of self-worth when they zip through the program, and some actually slow down and learn something along the way by promoting when they're ready, not when someone or something is telling them to. I was a cadet for 5 years and ended as a 4 stripe staff sergeant. I knew from nearly the beginning that I didn't have what it took to be a cadet officer, and the staff felt the same way. They held me back at airman first class until I demonstrated the maturity to become an NCO. Which I really took to heart and did. Sometimes denying the carrot is more of a motivator than the carrot at the end of the stick.

Self discipline isn't something you can compare with another person, nor is it something you can learn from another. It's just buckling down and doing what has to be done, making yourself study, making yourself do the push-ups and running. It's normal for a developing teen to go through a crisis of confidence, especially when measurable results are in the picture. It's easy to slip into the mindset of "I'm falling behind, I'm not as motivated as I thought, I don't have self discipline because I'm not promoting fast enough." 2 months is the MINIMUM time given to promote. There really is no maximum time frame, unless they're like me and get 4 stripes in 5 years. A year would be unacceptable, 6 months questionable, 3 to 4 months a nudge, but no formal "you must promote or we're going to do ________ to you".

Show your kid this. They are under pressure pretty much from the time they enter 9th grade until college graduation to excel, so this really isn't something to stress too much about. He'll promote when he's ready and not a minute sooner.

What Brit and Samuel said is true. If it's a real concern for him, meet with the CDC and get some perspective on the matter. Sometimes hearing the same thing from an non-related adult can do wonders.

[kwe1009]

Before talking to the DCC, what does your child say is the source of this stress?  It could just come from him seeing his peers promote ahead of him.  Once you know what he thinks is the source of his stress, schedule that talk with the DCC to see what him/her can do to assist.

It is also important to know what the squadron's policy is on "failure to progress."  In the previous edition of CAPR 52-16, it was not getting promoted at least twice every 12 months, now it is up to the commander to decide.

[Spam]

This is a very good topic, and you're not alone by way of questioning it, stitchmom.


My analogy is that stress is like food: it can be good or bad for you depending on the quantity and type that you take in, and the rate you take it in. People use the term "stress" as if all stress was bad, when some types/quantities/rates of stress are in fact a very GOOD thing, especially in developing adolescents. If we kept our cadets in stress free bubbles, they would never develop after being challenged by pressures to adapt and grow to meet new demanding requirements and situations, thus preparing them to take on new challenges in life. Such positive stress, termed "Eustress" (from the Greek 'Eu = good') can be a very healthy thing in our lives, in that eustressors should be seen as challenges, rather than threats. 

See for example:
https://www.mentalhelp.net/articles/types-of-stressors-eustress-vs-distress/
and
http://stress.about.com/od/stressmanagementglossary/g/Eustress.htm


So, by explaining to our cadets that the program does have certain expectations of growth as measured by achievements, we are helping them by setting goals for them to measure up to. Peer pressure, and command pressure, WHERE POSITIVELY APPLIED (and not in an unkind, supportive, servant leadership manner) can then be seen as a nutrient to growing adolescent cadets.

Where we need to watch out for is to ensure that our volunteer leaders understand that one size rarely fits all, in terms of human development. This is why recent revisions of the program have removed the explicit language which required cadets to promote at least X times per year, or at any given rate - instead leaving the definition of satisfactory progress ("advance my education and training rapidly", in the Cadet Oath) up to local Commanders and their customers, the parents.

As a Commander (and former cadet and father of cadets myself), I meet with and listen to my parent customers as regularly as I can. I've had some parents that expect all As, AP/honors courses, and regular promotion every two to three months. I have some that are just happy their kid isn't dropping out or on drugs. My answers are thus different for different cadets; some I may hold back on the reins a bit until I'm sure the cadet has not just absorbed the material but has exhibited the behavior and isn't in danger of burning out, while some cadets need to be prodded out of their timid comfort zone and to have their hovering helicopter parents stop coddling them.

Context coupled with communication and empathy is key, when dealing with developing individual cadet advancement rates and deciding to apply or reduce eustressor pressure to develop.



Suggestions for your situation, where your cadet states he "was stressed going on about self discipline and how he lacks it", perhaps you could use this as the basis of a discussion with him, with some talking points:

1. Talk about the types of stress (good and bad).

2. Ask him to open up his Learn to Lead Vol. 1, Chapter 1, and read the "Healthy Stress Management" section with you, starting with page 43. Here's a link just in case you want to read ahead:  http://www.capmembers.com/media/cms/Vol1LetterLowFinal_FDCFE2AA96703.pdf

3. Talk about why he feels he lacks self discipline (which is a normal observation, as we all begin life as squalling infants) and how he could view his own observations as a positive, eustressing motivation to begin using his Lead Lab tools and tips to start making concrete changes to his own life to improve himself.


Respectfully submitted - please let us know if you try this, how it turns out.

V/R
Spam