Funniest things said during inspection

[Nighthawk]

This is an old one from encampment:

c/CC yells at c/SQCC: Your cadets have their flight caps on backwards. Turn them around.

c/SQCC: Yes, ma'am! Squadron! About face!

I lol'ed when I read this. definitely one of the best I have ever heard.

[Abdomina]

This was during a routine inspection,

C/G_____- Cadet, Why are you staring at my face? DO you think i'm hot?
C/M_____- No Chief!
C/G_____- SO DOES THAT ME IM UGLY?
C/M_____- No Chief!
C/G_____- That still dosent answer my question, i'm 2 feet taller than you!
C/G_____- Flight, Tenshun! (This is when he realises that the flight is not at attention)

[Tags]

Oh boy. 
One time, inspection was being done by the XO and the First sgt. After inspecting a cadet's uniform they would ask him/her a general knowledge or chain of command question, and with one cadet,
XO: "Cadet, who is the First Sergeant?"
Cadet: "Uhhhh....The first sergeant is as follows: C/MSGT ______ _______, CAP, ma'am!"
First sgt: "NO!"
Cadet: "Huh?"
First sgt: "Cadet,  I have a middle initial. What is my middle initial?"
Cadet: "Uhhhh.....'T'?"
First sgt: "WRONG!"
Cadet: "Uhh, 'B', first sergeant?"
First sgt: "(makes noise like a 'wrong answer' buzzer) It's 'D'! 'D' as in 'Teach me how to Dougie!"

No one forgets his middle initial any more. 

[Eclipse]

This is an old one from encampment:

c/CC yells at c/SQCC: Your cadets have their flight caps on backwards. Turn them around.

c/SQCC: Yes, ma'am! Squadron! About face!

I lol'ed when I read this. definitely one of the best I have ever heard.

Any cadet commander who could think that quickly would get an extra dessert from me that night!

[a2capt]

Any cadet commander who could think that quickly would get an extra dessert from me that night!

Something on that level .. would just make me quit asking questions and get the heck outta there before I break bearing. Which was probably the intention in the first place...

[airdale12]

At my first wing encampment we were ordered to perfect the thousand yard stare...or else. Note: I wear my cover low on my face, kinda reminiscent of the Marine style. Anyway a inspector comes to me and says "Cadet ______". (Me) "Yes Sir!" (Him) " I will bet you that I can ruin that thousand yard stare in less than three seconds." (Me) "Feel free to try sir!" Then he gets about 3 inches from my face...and smiles! The biggest, whitest smile you ever did see. Needless to say he won that bet. 

Sometimes when I am visiting a squadron, the cadets who know me will ask me to engage in a game of Military Bearings Check (which was known as "Lieutenant's Laughter" before I got my tracks...).    Essentially, while they are at attention in formation, I do whatever possible to try and make them lose their military bearings, usually by making them laugh.   The last Cadet standing is the winner.   I've yet to meet a Cadet I couldn't break. 

I knew this name sounded familiar and now I know why you were staff at my first encampment past winter. Yes you can make anyone laugh!

[lycan1138]

this is not what someone actually said but once during inspection for my NJROTC unit one kid farted very loudly while being inspected by the senior instructor ( the kid had some digestive problems and couldn't help it) but it was so funny because it was so random.

[ol'fido]

At another encampment formation.....

Normally, at evening formation, the cadet squadron commanders will give there reports in order and very quickly.

"Ma'am, Bravo squadron all present and accounted for, Ma'am!" said just as fast as you can get the words out.

This particular night....

"Ma'am, OTS all pissed off on account of you, Ma'am!"

It took everyone a couple of minutes to realize what he actually said.

[SarDragon]

this is not what someone actually said but once during inspection for my NJROTC unit one kid farted very loudly while being inspected by the senior instructor ( the kid had some digestive problems and couldn't help it) but it was so funny because it was so random.

Are your punctuation and shift keys broken? Getting them fixed, or using them if they aren't broken, would really help us understand what you are trying to say.

[MSG Mac]

During the 1993 NERSC The students and staff were at the first formation. In order to make sure that everyone knew what they were doing, the commandant had us practice reporting at least 6 times. When the Commandant decided we were fit for the  Director, we had the "official" formation. When he reported to the Director " All present and accounted for" she replied "You know the Chief of Staff has been giving you  left handed salutes for the last 15 minutes".

[EMT-83]

Present and accounted for in itself is pretty funny. It should be present or accounted for.

Why would you have to account for someone present?

[Spaceman3750]

Present and accounted for in itself is pretty funny. It should be present or accounted for.

Why would you have to account for someone present?

At encampment simply being there doesn't mean one is present - lack of sleep can do funny things like make you daydream at attention.

[Irishrenegade]

I had a cadet at encampment who did not shave very well and I told the cadet as follows...

"Buckwheat! (Little Rascals referece) I cant wait for a breeze to come on through so it looks like your chin is waving at me ::I put my hand up to my chin and started waving my fingers like in the movie::"

Needless to say I broke that bearing quick

[gunnysargentbecekett]

Present and accounted for in itself is pretty funny. It should be present or accounted for.

Why would you have to account for someone present?

At encampment simply being there doesn't mean one is present - lack of sleep can do funny things like make you daydream at attention.

that's so true.

[Dracosbane]

I might have told this story previously on here, but perhaps not.

My first encampment flight commander was C/FO Pile.  He took a large helping of ragging due to his name and Full Metal Jacket.  At one point, the cadet command staff decided to have a little more fun at his expense and swiped a jelly donut from the mess.  During that evening's room inspection, the staff went into his room and tossed the donut into his locker.  Thus began the "jelly donut" scene from FMJ, which the staff and Mr. Pile began to quote back and forth.  At that point, I was a C/Amn and hadn't ever heard of, or seen, FMJ.  It dawned on me that several of my other flight members didn't know the joke either when they got to the point in the exchange where Hartmann orders them all onto their faces for payment of one jelly donut.  Everyone on the floor dropped, even though we were in our blues.

The XO had to go around to all the rooms and tell the cadets that it was a joke, and to return to our feet.  Years later I watched FMJ and had a huge laugh at that scene.

[Christensen]

We did the Bearing Contest in my old unit, too. The cadets know me as friendly, but not particularly funny, and I usually didn't participate in the contests. So one day, it's getting down to those who are pretty good at the game and go up to one of the better cadets. I stood about 4 inches from his face and said "Aww Phooey" in my best Donald Duck voice. He dropped like a rock.

I totally remember that day!! I remember if I was in the flight but I was there.  It took me by surprise, it was very accurate.

Another one from my squadron about 3 years ago.  I do not remember if this was bearing, inspection, or just a formation.  We had our first sergeant who was also a chief Master Sergeant asking a cadet a question.  The cadet addressed our first sergeant, in an attempted stutter to figuring out the proper way to address her, as "fa-sa-sa chief".  Needless to say she got a new nickname that day.

[Private Investigator]

"YES SIR!" from any Cadet to any female Senior Member.    :clap:

The way Cadets are programmed to say, "YES SIR!" It was funny in 1976 and it is funny today.   

[AngelWings]

I usually have rock solid bearing, but this one time, my Flight Sgt. were mad at this one cadet, airman snuffy dufflebags, because he had no bearing whatsoever. They started asking him questions, and then they got mad because he was moving his eyes and twitching around. The said to the kid "What, OH I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE LOOKING AT! LOOK AT THAT PURDY BIRD! LOOK AT HOW IT FLIES! HOW CUTE!" I did not breaking bearing more than a grin that was hard to beat back down.

[Shawn W.]

Ok.. Reading all of your funny stories inspired me to tell my own. To understand this story there are two parts that you first have to understand. 1. my squadron on this particular occasion was doin a drill down competition. and 2. I am a Male Officer.  The Cadet flight staff decided it would be fun to to a drill down of our flight (about 25 cadets) at my Squadron. As part of the drill down they did a Bearings test (Laugh Competition) where the object obviously is not to get caught laughing. Prior to this part of their drill down one of the C/Sgt's came up to and asked "Sir, would you like to help us out with the bearings test?" As like most people, I like to have a little fun , so I aggreed. The Drill Comp commenced with the bearings test first. I marched smartly up to the first cadet I saw in the first element and I blurted out the first words that came to mind.

Me in a commanding voice: Cadet So and So........ DO I LOOK LIKE YOUR SISTER TO YOU??

To this day, I am still unclear about where that came from.. or what prompted me to say that.... but the end result was that 25 cadets were instantly eliminated from the squadron drill comp because everyone from the Cadet Commader on down was laughing uncontroably.In the end they had to start all over again.

Have a great day,

Shawn W.

[spacecadet97]

This wasn't during inspection, but...
At the KSTG Winter Encampment this year, my Flight Commander decided to do a cadet of the day thing, and since I had been told to help another cadet learn his SOP, and had given th same cadet my towel when he forgot his, I was the first one to be awarded. Right before light's out, he did his spiel and called for a round os applause, but then my TAC officer gave me a Payday candy bar. I managed to keep some bearin, but when I started to eat it, I had a huge smile. My commander was walking down the barracks, and when he saw my smile, he said, in a very serious tone, "No Smiling!" and left. I fought back the smile, but when he returned he said, "You know, i didn't mean it. You can smile," and left. I looked at my wingman, and then started laughing as hard as we dared to.