Funniest things said during inspection

[Nighthawk]

I once heard this exchange go on between my element leader ant the 2 lieutenants inspecting(note C/Lt. Riley is the sister of C/A1c Riley) :
Lt. Riley: Oh, and Riley, you might want to check the kitchen area at home.
A1c Riley: Why is that, Ma'am?
Lt. Harford (in a total deadpan): Because one of your socks is there. Next!
Me being the next guy, I had to control my laughter, but that was probably the first time someone told a joke during inspection.

[NIN]

I once heard this exchange go on between my element leader ant the 2 lieutenants inspecting(note C/Lt. Riley is the sister of C/A1c Riley) :
Lt. Riley: Oh, and Riley, you might want to check the kitchen area at home.
A1c Riley: Why is that, Ma'am?
Lt. Harford (in a total deadpan): Because one of your socks is there. Next!
Me being the next guy, I had to control my laughter, but that was probably the first time someone told a joke during inspection.

Maybe at your squadron.  I'm a total cut-up during inspections.

Me: "Airman, are you Air Assault qualified?"
Cadet: "No sir."
Me: "Well, then, we need to secure this rappelling rope hanging from your boot."

or

Me: "Airman, are you OK?"
Cadet (perplexed): "Yessir."
Me: (pointing out unbuttoned button that should be buttoned) "Well, someone with such a gigantic bullet hole in him shouldn't be feeling quite so chipper."

I've said funnier things at inspections, but I'll be darned if I can remember.  Its usually off the cuff and its funny and then its done.

[davedove]

It happens in the military too.  It wasn't during a formal inspection, but in basic one of the drill sergeants came up and looked me over.

Drill Sergeant:  "Private Dove, you boots are on the wrong feet."
Me (completely serious):  "No, Drill Sergeant, these are my feet."

It was a few minutes before he could stop laughing.

[a2capt]

No so much the cadets that "say" it, but .. I think it's the egrets. We're on a military base, but right outside the fence is a public harbor/beach area and the military side of it is close marching distance. Of course the coast/beach area comes with birds.

There are some that make this constant gargling sound. During formal inspections, even the most seasoned cadets can sometimes succumb to breaking from the reactions to the noises.

Of course, once they start it's nearly impossible to quell a laughter outbreak. ;-)

So much for inspection

[commando1]

At my first wing encampment we were ordered to perfect the thousand yard stare...or else. Note: I wear my cover low on my face, kinda reminiscent of the Marine style. Anyway a inspector comes to me and says "Cadet ______". (Me) "Yes Sir!" (Him) " I will bet you that I can ruin that thousand yard stare in less than three seconds." (Me) "Feel free to try sir!" Then he gets about 3 inches from my face...and smiles! The biggest, whitest smile you ever did see. Needless to say he won that bet. 

[JoeTomasone]

At my first wing encampment we were ordered to perfect the thousand yard stare...or else. Note: I wear my cover low on my face, kinda reminiscent of the Marine style. Anyway a inspector comes to me and says "Cadet ______". (Me) "Yes Sir!" (Him) " I will bet you that I can ruin that thousand yard stare in less than three seconds." (Me) "Feel free to try sir!" Then he gets about 3 inches from my face...and smiles! The biggest, whitest smile you ever did see. Needless to say he won that bet. 

Sometimes when I am visiting a squadron, the cadets who know me will ask me to engage in a game of Military Bearings Check (which was known as "Lieutenant's Laughter" before I got my tracks...).    Essentially, while they are at attention in formation, I do whatever possible to try and make them lose their military bearings, usually by making them laugh.   The last Cadet standing is the winner.   I've yet to meet a Cadet I couldn't break. 

[Reno]

We did that quite a bit at my basic encampment. Good times  :clap:

[Starlock]

Heard this at the MOWG STW a couple weeks ago.
Two 2Lts were inspecting us. They were inspecting cadet 2,2 when this happened:
*1,2 raises his hand
2Lt A: "Yes, cadet?"
1,2: "Permission to adjust?"
2Lt A: "Adjust what, precisely?"
1,2: "I need to poke myself in the eye." (DEAD serious)
2Lt A: "What?"
1,2: "Sir, permission to poke myself in the eye?!"
2Lt A: "No."
By this time, the entire flight (Including the inspectors) were laughing hysterically.

[GTCommando]

^ I'm going to have to try some of these at ATS. That is awesome. 

[JROB]

I once told a cadet during inspection that he had so many cables he was getting MTV.

[caphornbuckle]

I used to do the "Running Through a Forest".

You stand in front of the cadet and place your open hands, palms facing either side of the cadets head (not touching, of course).  Then I would rapidly move them back and forth and tell them "You are running through a forest".  Never had a winner!

Another one I recall was just standing beside the person in the back of the formation as if you're part of the formation.  Then just start rambling about anything (usually it's the stuff new cadets think of their first few times in a formation).  Everyone has been there so it's pretty easy to think of things a new cadet would be thinking of.  It makes a great icebreaker!

[sneakers]

Once I was in flight for an inspection. Several elements ahead of me, two NCOs were inspecting cadets. This is how it went down.

NCO 1: " How are you doing tonight, cadet ______?" (Done as he is looking over the cadet's uniform)
Cadet: "Mighty fine, sergeant."

The best part was that the cadet said his part in a southern-like drawl, (even though I'm from Oregon) and totally meant what he said. The NCOs, needless to say, were trying unsuccessfully to fight off smiles.

[CAPC/officer125]

At my first wing encampment we were ordered to perfect the thousand yard stare...or else. Note: I wear my cover low on my face, kinda reminiscent of the Marine style. Anyway a inspector comes to me and says "Cadet ______". (Me) "Yes Sir!" (Him) " I will bet you that I can ruin that thousand yard stare in less than three seconds." (Me) "Feel free to try sir!" Then he gets about 3 inches from my face...and smiles! The biggest, whitest smile you ever did see. Needless to say he won that bet. 

Sometimes when I am visiting a squadron, the cadets who know me will ask me to engage in a game of Military Bearings Check (which was known as "Lieutenant's Laughter" before I got my tracks...).    Essentially, while they are at attention in formation, I do whatever possible to try and make them lose their military bearings, usually by making them laugh.   The last Cadet standing is the winner.   I've yet to meet a Cadet I couldn't break. 

We did that at my squadron. The first time I was in the flight and they did this, the first sergeant (usually a very serious guy, someone who I was afraid of at that point) would walk up to cadets and say in a girlish voice "I'm a pretty fairy" complete with arms like little wings. Needless to say, not only did it get the cadet he was in front of but those around him. I had a way of making the cadets cringe with things I said. Usually it would entail saying something to the effect of "Picture [DCC] in a speedo" or similar. Sometimes all you had to do was stare at them and they would laugh. My favorite though, is "getting down" to the level of the shorter cadets to look them square in the face, which usually got that person and a few surrounding.

[davidsinn]

Usually it would entail saying something to the effect of "Picture [CDC] in a speedo" or similar.

That would be hazing in my squadron. (note I am the CDC  )

[Walkman]

We did the Bearing Contest in my old unit, too. The cadets know me as friendly, but not particularly funny, and I usually didn't participate in the contests. So one day, it's getting down to those who are pretty good at the game and go up to one of the better cadets. I stood about 4 inches from his face and said "Aww Phooey" in my best Donald Duck voice. He dropped like a rock.

[BTCS1*]

A good one is to stand about 6 inches behind a cadet and have them do an about face to find you there looking supid. Works 9/10 times!

[commando1]

A good one is to stand about 6 inches behind a cadet and have them do an about face to find you there looking supid.

I would like to point out that CAPTalk has a spell check button right next to "post" and "preview." (You misspelled stupid) 

[BTCS1*]

Now that was stupid of me... 

[titanII]

You misspelled stupid

well done. misspell is, quite ironically, one of the most often misspelled words 

back on topic:
Cadet: *wearing very wrinkly shirt*
FltSgt: Cadet, are you planning to grow wheat in your shirt?
Cadet: *puzzled* uhh, no Sergeant
FltSgt: Too bad. you wouldn't have to plow at all.

[ol'fido]

This is an old one from encampment:

c/CC yells at c/SQCC: Your cadets have their flight caps on backwards. Turn them around.

c/SQCC: Yes, ma'am! Squadron! About face!