A problem with a cadet

[Nearly Dark Side]

I have a problem with one of my cadets. I am a staff sergeant and new to any command position.  I have an airman in my element who refuses to  show my grade respect. Now  i do admit that i may not have earned his respect i do expect him to call me sergeant. Is this a misguided expectation? He seems to have a personal issue with me and i know that when dealing with your fellow cadets, whether above or below you, you must take all personal opinions out of the equation. My question is how do i deal with this cadet? do i confront him personally or do i talk to my flight commander?

[RobertAmphibian]

At the very least, you should talk to your flight commander before counseling this cadet. Chances are, he or she will suggest that they act as a third party during a counseling session.

Generally, you want to handle counseling at the lowest level if it's a "first time offense." But, you indicated this cadet may have a personal problem, so I would definitely go up the chain for advice.

[Nearly Dark Side]

thanks will do.

[Extremepredjudice]

You definitly need to let your immediate supervisor know about the problem.

Don't try any of these without the approval of your supervisor
Here's 10 valid alternatives (although some require the squadron commander):

• recurring on the spot correction
• being barred from what they want to do until they do what they need to do
• teach a class (subject they have failed)
• give a speech (subject they have failed)
•  write a paper  (subject they have failed)
• retained in grade (non-promoted)
• fired from assigned staff position
• verbal counseling
• written counseling
• suspension
• demotion
• termination

[lordmonar]

What does he call you besides "sergeant"?

The simple answer is not to respond to anything that is not followed by the proper title.
Remind him that he needs to show you the respect your rank requires.
Inform your chain of command.

[Nearly Dark Side]

He hasn't  called me this yet but he did call a master sergeant a turd, although he was quickly torn up by 4 sergeants,  but he calls me by my last name just lacking the sergeant. I think i will start by not responding to anything other than sergeant or sergeant Collins. If that fails then i will involve my deputy flight commander.

[spacecommand]

Are you keeping this within the cadet ranks or has someone also informed the Deputy Commander for Cadets and or the Squadron Commander about this problem.  Those are not nice words for a cadet to be calling another cadet.  As the Deputy Commander for Cadets in my unit, this is certainly I would want my cadets to inform me about!

[CivilAirPatrol123]

It is definatly customs and curtesies for them to respect you, definatly should bring it up to the flight/squuadron commander.

[Nearly Dark Side]

the only people that know about this are a few cadets and myself. I  dont want  to bring it up too far the chain of command because he is generally a good kid i think he is just having problems adjusting because he is a freshman and was homeschooled all of his life. That isnt an excuse for ignoring customs and courtesies. thank you  all for your ideas i am going to talk to my flight commander at the next meeting.

[Major Lord]

You know how those terrible, rude Home-school kids can be!    I suggest keeping the specter of a CDC/parent meeting as a large war club to be brought out in case of emergency. But listen: Tell no one of this.....although we teach Cadets to respect the Grade, ultimately, its your competence, confidence, and strength of personality that will determine whether your people will follow you, or just sneak up behind you and stab you in the back. Take a good hard look at your leadership style and see if you are the problem, and Cadet Turdmeister is just a symptom. Look to those who you consider real leaders for advice. The idea that CAP's rules will make things better without your (metaphorically) kicking a little hindquarter is just not going to fly. Never, ever, lose your cool in front of the group. Never.

Okay, now something a little more practical. Do you remember the scene in Full Metal Jacket where Private Snowball eats his Jelly donuts while everyone else "pays" for it with pushups? Well, you can't do that-sorry. But the technique is to create a group dynamic  where your problem child, struggling to maintain his individuality, starts to feel the peer pressure to conform to the groups larger goals. The compliant cadets can help you reform your fecal-disrupter by the power of a powerful group dynamic. A failure of a subordinate is not always a failure of leadership. You may just have a bad egg, but if you examine your own shortcomings as a leader, you may find the way to bring him back into the fold.

So much of what we learn about leadership come from movies, most of it just pure hogwash. As a Sgt., you may think that yelling and screaming are motivation tools. But here is a problem: The adolescent brain cannot yell and scream without those adolescent emotions following right along. Real Tactical Officers are not actually losing their minds when they yell at you, its just an act, carried out by well trained motivators. ( In much the same way that smiling actually makes you feel happy-your brain's feedback loop has a process all its own) When a cadet screams and yells, we know that what is actually happening is a reflection of that Cadet's own fears, not his strength. An Officer can lead with quiet dignity, and still maintain an overwhelming command presence. He shouts so people can hear him. Have you known anyone that you felt awful, because you think you disappointed them, without their having said a word? What brought that on? Most likely, an ability to motivate through positive reinforcement, and gentle correction. C.S. Lewis wrote in one of his "Narnia" series, that a warrior has two tools, gentle words and hard blows, and that he never scolds or taunts. In your particular cadet's case, I would make sure that the whole flight recognizes that everyone has a duty to have a word with anyone who is crossing the line, and let your leadership guide the actions of your subordinates, instead of you trying personally to bring one squeaky hinge a few drops of oil. You have people for that! These kind of problems are the kind of thing that should be handled at the lowest echelon possible. Good luck, and Semper Vigiles!

Major Lord

[Nearly Dark Side]

When i said homeschooler it wasn't meant to be an insult just an observation. I myself was home schooled but when I went to high school i realized that i couldn't be totally steadfast in my personality i had to learn to change a bit. That is what  high school is for. But this cadet  it being home schooled through high school. I think this might be part of the problem because before we went to CAP we were friends  and I introduced him to CAP. I think  him being in the new situation with many diverse people might have made him feel uncomfortable,  i experienced this first hand.
I just became a sergeant a few weeks ago  but all of the other cadets congratulated me and gave me the benefit of the doubt that i would be a good leader, and i believe i have been a good leader.

[ColonelJack]

Do you remember the scene in Full Metal Jacket where Private Snowball eats his Jelly donuts while everyone else "pays" for it with pushups? Well, you can't do that-sorry.

Classic movie!  But it was Private Pyle who had the jelly donut while everyone else "paid".

Nitpick break over, now back to your regularly scheduled discussion.....

Jack

[GTRanger]

You know how those terrible, rude Home-school kids can be! 

What gives you the right to make ignorant generalizations about a group of millions of people?

[Extremepredjudice]

You know how those terrible, rude Home-school kids can be! 

What gives you the right to make ignorant generalizations about a group of millions of people?

He wasn't serious...

[titanII]

My suggestion is to take the problem cadet aside, after a meeting, and tell him plainly the problem. Be real with him or her. Don't play "Oh, I can't hear you unless you call me Sergeant" games. Just be straight, and say something like, "Look, I'm a Cadet Staff Sergeant now, and even though we are/were friends, you still have to call me Sergeant. Those are the rules." If you don't start to see some change after that, then I suggest you take it up the chain. But keep in mind it may take a while for him or her to change- "old habits die hard."
HOWEVER: make sure it's in PRIVATE. No need to humiliate the cadet. You should not be making an example of the cadet. You should only be discreetly alerting the cadet of his error.
My $.02

[Major Lord]

You know how those terrible, rude Home-school kids can be! 

What gives you the right to make ignorant generalizations about a group of millions of people?

In the future I will underline any statements meant to be ironic or sarcastic just for you. No, really.  FYI, I love Home-schoolers. Given the current state of the public schools, I am more prone to making generalizations about public school kids, although I would consider these informed, and not ignorant. Oh yes, I also hate Amway people.

Major Lord

[titanII]

In the future I will underline any statements meant to be ironic or sarcastic just for you.

But how will we know if you're being sarcastic or emphatic? 

[Major Lord]

If I am being sarcastic, I will just underline. If I am being emphatic, I will use an exclamation point, or the dreaded ALL CAPS If I am being emphatically Sarcastic, I will USE all of the ABOVE....If I am being just downright abusive, I will do all of the above but INCLUDE BOLDFACE! Now it should be crystal clear.....

And in all seriousness, I understand the over-reaction to the home-school reference ( which is not to say that an apology for being called "ignorant" would be uncalled for by a gentleman) Home-Schoolers are being persecuted in parts of the U.S., and In Germany, they are jailing or committing parents to mental institutions, and kidnapping their children.

Major Lord
p.s. I hate Kirby Vacuum cleaner sales people too!

[titanII]

If I am being sarcastic, I will just underline. If I am being emphatic, I will use an exclamation point, or the dreaded ALL CAPS If I am being emphatically Sarcastic, I will USE all of the ABOVE....If I am being just downright abusive, I will do all of the above but INCLUDE BOLDFACE! Now it should be crystal clear.....

Jeez, I'm gonna have to bookmark this post for future reference 

[Major Lord]

Or, you could take the high road and just disregard anything I say!

Major Lord