'rents: Family Involvement

[MIKE]

Lets talk about 'rents... or parents and other family involvement in CAP and the affects on units.

When CAPR 52-16 was released it included this on fraternization:

1-4. h. (2) Fraternization. The Air Force has always prohibited unduly familiar personal relationships between leaders and followers to avoid favoritism, preferential treatment, or other actions that undermine order, discipline, and unit morale. Similarly, it is important for CAP members to avoid unduly familiar relationships with other members, while recognizing that proper social interactions and appropriate personal relationships are necessary to unit morale, esprit de corps and effective mentoring. It is not inherently improper for cadets to have personal or romantic relationships with other cadets, however, relationships between cadets of substantially different ranks, or between cadets within the chain-of-command, are discouraged. Because seniors have intrinsic supervisory authority over cadets, senior members will not date or have an intimate romantic relationship with a cadet at any time, regardless of the circumstances.

Would the parent/child or other family relationship be considered unduly familiar in this context?  Is it really appropriate to place family members in a position where questions may arise based on the relationship? 

[LtCol White]

Lets talk about 'rents... or parents and other family involvement in CAP and the affects on units.

When CAPR 52-16 was released it included this on fraternization:

1-4. h. (2) Fraternization. The Air Force has always prohibited unduly familiar personal relationships between leaders and followers to avoid favoritism, preferential treatment, or other actions that undermine order, discipline, and unit morale. Similarly, it is important for CAP members to avoid unduly familiar relationships with other members, while recognizing that proper social interactions and appropriate personal relationships are necessary to unit morale, esprit de corps and effective mentoring. It is not inherently improper for cadets to have personal or romantic relationships with other cadets, however, relationships between cadets of substantially different ranks, or between cadets within the chain-of-command, are discouraged. Because seniors have intrinsic supervisory authority over cadets, senior members will not date or have an intimate romantic relationship with a cadet at any time, regardless of the circumstances.

Would the parent/child or other family relationship be considered unduly familiar in this context?  Is it really appropriate to place family members in a position where questions may arise based on the relationship? 

No, even the military has family day where members bring their families in to see what they do, meet the coworkers and there are frequently things for the family members to join in on for fun.

[Stonewall]

But in the military it's the opposite of CAP, for the most part anyway.

CAP:  Cadets bring their parents and siblings.

Military:  Miiltary members bring their kids, spouses.

[LtCol White]

Correct. In both cases there is nothing that violates fraternization guidelines. They're both official social/PR events

[Lancer]

I believe Mike is speaking to members of the same family being members of the same unit, especially in a circumstance where one is in a supervisory position over the other... especially a parent serving as a senior member in a command position with his son and/or daughter being a cadet in the unit.

[MIKE]

I think you guys are missing the point.  In this case the parents are members, possibly in leadership positions over their children.

Edit: Exactly what I'm saying Lt.

[Stonewall]

I gotcha, Mike.  Sorry, not sure where my head was....

To me, this is a sensitve subject.  I have seen fewer instances where parents were in the chain of their cadets and things were good, than when they were bad.

In fact, just off the top of my head, I can name about 10 different times when parents joined with their cadet and ended up in a position where they were involved with their cadet.  Of those 10, only 2 were able to pull it off with zero negative impact.

[LtCol White]

Sorry Mike, I see where you are coming from now. Misunderstood your point. Yes I do agree that there can be conflict in this case. As always it will be a prob with some and not with others. I guess its just one of those things that has to be managed on a case by case basis where you monitor to make sure there isnt an issue and when it does become one, talk to the parent/senior member about it rather than the cadet.

[Lancer]

Edit: Exactly what I'm saying Lt.

I think your going to see that in A LOT of units throughout CAP. How it's handled can make or break that unit AFAIAC.

We have that same similar circumstance in our unit; as I'm sure you've read what I've posted in 'The Good of CAP' thread, you had seen that my son and I joined the same unit. I personally think I'm handling how the two of us should act when functioning within the unit or at unit/group/wing etc. activities. I'd have to say that is because of having the experience of WIWAC and the fact that I want my son to excel on his own merits and stumble on his own failures. Am I a proud parent when he does good, sure, but I keep that to myself and do not gloat, brag or otherwise carry on.

Without going into detail I'm going to have to confront the exact opposite within my own unit and I'm feeling like I'm caught between a rock and hard place. I know my unit commander is not up for that business, so I think I'll just take it to him.

[Stonewall]

I truly realize there are some solid parent/cadet teams out there who belong to the same squadron and do things right.  It's no secret that they're dad/son, mom/daughter, whatever, but somehow they get it.  That is uncommon but it exists because I've seen it with my own eyes.

It's hard not to sound negative about this, but in my experience, I have seen where it just doesn't work, and the one who pays in the end, is the cadet of the parent.  The worst situation was when dad joined and had all 3 boys as well as the wife joined as one of those den mother types.  I won't say their name, but you couldn't go anywhere without running into one of them.  To make matters worse, the father's friend joined with his two sons.  They thought they could run everything, it killed me because it was a time when the squadron needed someone, anyone, to take the reigns and who volunteered?  Ping and Pong.

I personally put a stop to one of the dads who was advancing their son faster than was allowed so he could get his Mitchell before heading off to college.  They then tried to get me in trouble for something totally ficticious and BS.  Grrrr....

And don't get me wrong, I love moms.  But the worst situation is when you get the coddling den mother who joins and brings brownies to the squadron and is in their cadet's business, and sometimes other cadets' business and often occupies your time.

I wouldn't call it fratinization, but I call it a pain in the butt.  Not always, like I said, but more often than not.  And I don't mean to hurt anyone's feelings and I'm not saying don't do it.  I'd be hard pressed to stay away too.  When my son turns of CAP age, I'm not sure what I'll do, if anything.  I've got 11 years to go so no worries.

A situation I thought was weird was when a father/son team went on an FTX for the first time and they planned on sharing a tent.  Is that bad?  Fathers and sons do it all the time on family camping tirps, I guess.  But in CAP?  I was fortunate that the dad, before it was time to rack out, asked my opinion.  Not having dealt with it before, I told him he's his dad, I don't have a real problem with it, but I did suggest that his son may want to be closer to his fellow cadets.  He agreed and let his sone put up a poncho-hooch and rack out with his cohorts.

That being said, when my wife was in CAP, should we have shared a tent in the field?  We were adults, over 30, and married.  Is that wrong?  Against regs?

[mikeylikey]

So would this be a good example.......

CLS Commander is an awesome Capt.  However she appoints her daughter as the Cadet Commander, her son as the Deputy Cadet Commander and her best friends son as the XO. 

How about.....Encampment Commander is a good guy.  However he appoints his wife as Admin Officer, Head of the medical section and finance officer, his son as the Cadet Commander and his sons best friends form their squadron to fill almost every leadership position. 

I will not name names, nor will I tell you what wing this took place in or what years. 

Did I ever mention I am from PAWG?

[Lancer]

^^^ Wow...that just wreaks of nepotism. 

[mikeylikey]

^ Agreed!  To elaborate if you were at all curious, the CLS was a terrible dissapointment to those at Wing HQ and to most who attended.  I still think the Capt. tried hard, but could have made better choices. 

[RiverAux]

I think people have confused "familiar" with "family". 

The fraternization policy has nothing at all to do with having family members in the same unit.  That is an issue, but not in regards to fraternization.

[Lancer]

I think people have confused "familiar" with "family". 

The fraternization policy has nothing at all to do with having family members in the same unit.  That is an issue, but not in regards to fraternization.

Your right in pointing that out and I think that is what Mike was trying to determine, if that regulation factored family relationships.

So with that being said, there is the glaringly obvious topic of improper family relationships within CAP. The question begs to be asked "How do you mitigate nepotism in your unit?"

[Stonewall]

Per Mike's request...

Even making them cadet sponsor members or patron members is better than them not being members at all...

People will argue this day in and day out.  I won't argue it, I'll just say my opinion, again, I don't recruit parents.  I don't turn them away, but I don't persuade them to stay either.  I've just had way too many negative experiences with parents joining with their cadets.  In some cases it works, and works well.  In my experience, those positive experiences are too few and far between.  On of my best friends, former boss and long time mentor spent 35 years in CAP and was active throughout all three of his cadets' time in CAP.  It was picture perfect, but again, that was just a drop in the bucket of parent/cadet memberships.

[Flying Pig]

I was the Deputy Commander for Cadets at Sq 45 at March ARB in Ca.  I had MANY parents join as Seniors and had a great group of people.  From looking at Sq 45's web site, I see several of those parents are still involved as Seniors.  In fact.....a few out rank me now!

[JaL5597]

In my current squadron most of the core group of seniors are parents of active cadets.  This includes both the Commander and Deputy for Cadets. 

There has been alot of careful work to make sure that nobody can be accused of favoritism.  There hasn't been the whole "No family in CAP" but its just been one of those things that people are aware of.  Like having the CDC sign the master record for the CC's sons to having someone else grade the tests for the testing officer's daughter.

I think its one of those if you want to make things work it can happen.  We can't seperate family all the time we just have to be careful.  I don't know if that makes sense.  To me its more about common sense more than anything else.  Its like come on, what are you going to do about kids in school who have to have their parents for teachers?  You can't really peanalize them for the situation. 

[Stonewall]

Before I get bashed, cuz I feel it coming  Let me say that I am not against parents being members of CAP while their cadet is in the program.  In fact, when I took command of a struggling squadron it was the parents that did join with their cadet that made the difference in the squadron.  In one year we went from almost extinct to squadron of the year in the wing.  In all, I think I had 5 parents with cadets in the squadron.

One was the deputy commander for seniors.  One was the MLO.  One, the AEO.  One transfered to the squadron from a sabbatical and had been a member for 25+ years and became active again when his son joined the squadron, and one was our logistics officer.  All were the perfect senior members.  Honest.  1 was a prior cadet and had 25 years experience.  1 was a retired Army Lt Col.  1 was a former Army Captain turned aerospace engineer.  One had no experience but was heavily involved in the church and became MLO.

Again, the perfect seniors.

The problem I often faced, and a not-to-difficult one at that, was the parent/member being overly involved in their cadet's progress, involvement, and overall experience in CAP.  For the most part we had a good understanding, but more times than I could count, parents made their cadets' experience an uncomfortable one.  While cadets without their parents involvement were free to be themselves, grow naturally and be among friends without the watchful eye of mom or dad, the cadets with moms and dads in the organization, I feel, were often held back from enjoying CAP to its fullest potential.

The real problems I've seen is when Mom and/or Dad were directly involved at the same unit as the cadet(s).  That was where the obvious favoritism, special promotions and appointments, early sign-offs, and priority for son/daughter took place.  It happened so much that it put a bad taste in my mouth that still hasn't subsided.

So that's where I'm coming from. 

If my son, in 11 years, joins CAP and I'm still a member, I'll either go to group or wing and play a support role, or at the very least, I'll move into a non-CP function at the squadron.

[floridacyclist]

We're a CAP family...I'm Asst Personnel and Admin (we finally coerc persuaded someone to take that job as long as I was there to back them up and help train them), PAO, and ES. My wife was just appointed as the DCC, One son is the Cadet Commander another is in the running for 1st Sgt, and the youngest kind of wonders around in a haze. She excuses herself from any decisions involving our kids, and we enforce the use of proper military titles at CAP. I was concerned about her being in their chain of command (something I always avoided), but the CC convinced me that she was the best choice; judging by the rebirth of the squadron, he is probably right.

Back when it was just my kids and I in the squadron (before we met and got married) my CC made a remark that while some folks found it odd that my kids called me Lt Floyd, they were impressed that I never showed any favoritism. We just recently appointed a parent as Leadership Officer and he was briefed that it was now policy that parents and kids adhere to strict military discipline to avoid even the appearance of impropriety.

It CAN be done, but I doubt it happens accidentally.

[floridacyclist]

If my son, in 11 years, joins CAP and I'm still a member, I'll either go to group or wing and play a support role, or at the very least, I'll move into a non-CP function at the squadron.

I agree...if that were an option, I probably would, but I think my Sq CC would shoot me if I took his two most active Officers LOL

Besides, I don't think it's legal for Officers from the panhandle to be on Wing Staff in any kind of real capacity.

[Duke Dillio]

I would quickly add my quick horror story.  In a previous squadron, the SQN CC was the parent of one of the cadets.  The SQN CC appointed him as the C/CC and all heck broke loose.  He was junior to several of the other cadets who took immediate offense to being rebutted.  They retaliated by systematically destroying the cadet membership.  Ultimately, the call was made to remove the SQN CC in favor of another member who had no children in the squadron.  I think that in the case of a SQN CC being a parent, it can get kindof touchy but as a staff officer, how do you tactfully tell your commander that you think he/she might consider stepping aside if their child/cadet could be accused of favoritism?

As for the parental involvement, I have found that the majority of the parents in my area want to be involved (figures, this is CA.)  Normally, I have found that the best way to deal with them is to put them to work and keep them busy in an area which requires their "talents" in something that doesn't have anything to do with their child.  I would compare it to taking a former cadet and turning them into a good senior member.  You have to set boundaries but once set there is usually no problem.

[Eclipse]

Every command slot has a superior, the realities of life and our membership numbers mean that
family members will inevitably wind up in a command chain.

Its the responsibility of the next higher Commander to insure these chains are appropriate and effective.

[JaL5597]

Every command slot has a superior, the realities of life and our membership numbers mean that
family members will inevitably wind up in a command chain.

Its the responsibility of the next higher Commander to insure these chains are appropriate and effective.

Very true.

And the members should also be willing to police themselves.  Before the IG does it for them.

[Stonewall]

Some of the issues I've run into that didn't involve "illegal" activity but were problems nonetheless...

Parent gets more involved than the cadet and the cadet is no longer in CAP for himself, but for the parent.

Parent is healthy while the cadet had a serious medical problem that prohibited him from doing any strenuous activity.  Father was leaving son behind with mom at home while dad went out and played Ground Team Member.

Mom joins because son joined and she didn't want to commute back home during the meeting.  Mom was a single mom with another younger daughter.  Now we've got this extra daughter running around causing a major distraction. 

Father and son join and father is gung-ho all the way, does a really good job.  However, son is a "problem child" and requires a lot of attention.  This would normally be handled by cadet programs leadership, but since dad is around, he feels the need to intervene, thus making it an uncomfortable situation.  No one wants to tell dad how to be a dad.

Parent joins with a couple of his kids and kids constantly run up to daddy to ask permission for this and that; can I go to NESA?  Dad, there's an FTX, can we go?  Dad, I wanna do the model rocketry launch next week, can I, huh, daddy can I?  All this, at the meeting during closing announcements.

Parent and child join CAP and while the parent could probably afford to pay for their cadet to be in the program, doubling up isn't feasible.  Can't afford senior member uniforms and doesn't want to use the "polo shirt option", wants to fit in and understandably so.  Makes for a difficult situation where we want to step in, but not sure if we should.

Mom joins as sponsor and assumes role as the [un]official "squadron mom" by bringing brownies and goodies.  Wants to do fundraisings that aren't practical, do "bowling nights", "camp ins", and all sorts of non-cadet related things.  Even went so far as to get all the cadets' birthdays so we could bring cupcakes in during weeks when someone had a b-day.

Father joins with cadet and does everything for the cadet.  From carrying his gear to building his model rocket.  Won't let cadet be a cadet like everyone else.

Mom joins with son and begans to flirt big time and often occupying too much of my time with requiring "special attention".  Yeah, she was married.  Had to be blunt with her on that one.  Lost mom and son.

I've got more real experiences to speak of, but these are just a few I had time to write about.

[Duke Dillio]

Are some of the real experiences the really bad ones that we will all laugh at privately?   

These are all good examples of when parents go wild.  I would ask, given the same situation, what would you do differently?  I know that we don't want to turn people away from our program but what do we do to fix some of the issues?

[Stonewall]

There really isn't a whole lot you could do differently.  I had better experiences as a squadron commander where I was able to communicate my intent of having parents involved compared to when I was the DCC or Leadership Officer and didn't have too much of a say in how we "hired" folks.

During open houses I always mentioned that sometimes parents join CAP along with their cadet, after they see how much fun they're having.  But I always remind them that it's their program and not a "joint effort".  I never really made it an option for parents to assume positions in which they may have a direct role in their cadet's experience.  Service and support roles, no problem.  Parent being a GTL on their cadet's ground team, no issues.  It's the day to day involvement at the squadron meetings where it often became an issue.

Many disagree, but I truly believe that a cadet doesn't get the same experience out of CAP if their parents are right there with them every step of the way.  In a way, CAP is a means to afford young people some independence from their parents.  The cadet can't go home excited about telling their parents something cool that happened at an activity when the parent was right there looking over their shoulder.

[Duke Dillio]

Good points and I agree for the most part.  Curious how blunt you were with the flirting mom.  I probably would have loved to be a fly on the wall during that meeting.

"Listen, Ms. Doe, I know that I look really hot and that you might want me and stuff, but you see..."

:angel:

[Stonewall]

Actually, I had to do it via email.  She kept emailing me, sending me pics (not those kind) and comparing me to her hubby.  I feel like she gave her son the raw end of the deal since she made him quit too.  Nice lady.  Nice looking.  Just not the right time and place.

[SARMedTech]

I think this is an important time to point out that it seems that what the reg was intended to prevent was inappropriate fraternization like Seniors taking 16 year old cadets out to dinner and a movie. There is a definite tone of requiring us to avoid even the mere appearance of impropriety.

It does however seem to say that cadets can...cavort...until and unless their parents object and give the Squadron Commander an earful of "what kind of place are you running over there?"

Does anyone have any experience with cadets dating each other. Given the nature of teenage "love," it would seem to be a common occurrence, I just havent been around long enough to have to deal with it yet.

[jimmydeanno]

Actually, I met my wife at Encampment.  WIWAC there was a lot of 'dating' that when on amongst the cadets in the wing, but everything was left at the door.  Everyone seemed to act professionally and the Sq CC wouldn't have allowed anything to take place anyway - he made that known.

[Stonewall]

I personally haven't had too many cadet relationships in my squadron, maybe 2 or 3, but I've known about a lot.  For the most part, they didn't cause for a bad situation because the 2 cadets involved generally wanted to keep things a "secret".

WIWAC, I dated a cadet in my squadron for a long time.  Even after we left CAP and I went into the Army.  Lasted a few years but our personalities went in different directions as did we.  Broke up on good terms, not a big deal.  I think the only problem that cadet relationships can cause is when the other cadets do find out, it can cause animosity towards the couple.  I said it can, not it does.

[MIKE]

Drifiting... Lets keep it on the family involvement angle.  The cite touches on the broader definition of fraternization, but can anyone expand on how the military handles serving family members as it relates to this discussion?

[jimmydeanno]

family members may not be in the same chain of command.  A few good friends of mine have their spouse in the AF as well.

One wife is an intel person.  Her husband is intel as well in the same flight.  They work separate shifts with separate supervisors.  If one of them is promoted to a supervisory position, they can't be directly in charge of each other.

[davedove]

Which can be much harder to do in CAP.  For instance, you could have a spouses, siblings, and children all in the same squadron.  CAP doesn't forbid this, but you have to watch for favoritism.

I think in the parent child situation, it might work better to keep the parent(s) out of the cadet program and instead take other jobs at the squadron.  Of course, if you have a small squadron hurting for people, this might not be possible.

[Stonewall]

In my last ANG unit we had a father and son in the same 15-man shop.  Dad was a TSgt and son a SrA.  Not sure how that can happen, but it truly reminded me of a father and son being in CAP.  While nothing bad every happened, it was obvious that dad often took care of his son.  Simple admin stuff, but it was stuff that no one else would have had the benefit of, which to me is unfair.

In that same ANG unit, had a husband/wife (major/captain) that were both pilots.  On different birds, but still, they were in the same squadron.

My wife is in my ANG wing, but she's medical and I'm security.

[topsecret]

Original question: 

Would the parent/child or other family relationship be considered unduly familiar in this context?  Is it really appropriate to place family members in a position where questions may arise based on the relationship?

I don't think it's unduly familiar unless the members of the relationship act inconsistently with their positions.  If Dad is the SQ/CC and skips down the seniority ladder to appoint his kid as cadet CC, that's inconsistent.  Even if the kid is the best qualified, Captain Dad and Cadet Kid need to discuss the untenability of Cadet Kid's appointment...if Captain Dad's position is unfairly hindering his son, Captain Dad should relinquish his command.  We're all about cadets, yes?

Senior member parents need to remain professionally distant from their kids at meetings.  Appropriate courtesies should be used at all times, of course.  The senior should visibly recuse himself from decisions or actions involving his cadet offspring.  Avoid not only conflict of interest, but the appearance of same.

Seems simple to me.

Bill Johnson, Major, CAP

[floridacyclist]

I agree. You need to be able to look at a kid wearing your last name and not see your kid, but a cadet....and even then, you shouldn't be in charge of or making decisions affecting him if at all possible (sometimes not possible in a small squadron). My kids have probably gotten the short end of more than a few deals because I'll swing the other way to avoid any kind of favoritism, but that is how it has to be if we're going to do this.

[ladyreferee]

On the converse, what do you do with the situation where it is obvious that the command bends over backwards to make sure there is no conflict of interest, to the point of being doubly hard on the cadet?  In my case, I have to watch the command rip my cadets off.  I am not in a position of making decisions as I am just a paper pusher, yet I have to watch my cadets get treated as second class citizens by both the command and the other cadets. Yet when I squawk about the mistreatment, the command ignores me.  And I'm not talking about a few deals, floridacyclist, but constant mistreatment.  The bad taste in my mouth is making me seriously consider quitting.

[floridacyclist]

That would be a tough one. Would taking a sabbatical on your part improve their situation?

[afgeo4]

How do you guys feel about a husband being group CC and wife being the subordinate squadron CC?


Families are a big part of CAP membership and in my honest opinion, family members should be kept out of each other's chain of command whenever possible. That having been said, it often falls to a pair of parents to start a squadron or keep one going. I firmly believe that strong supervision by higher command is needed in such cases. Without such supervision and monitoring, the members may end up acting inappropriately without even knowing about it. Remember, it's hard to keep redrawing lines between people all day long.

[mikeylikey]

^  How do you feel about a husband being Group Commander and his wife being Deputy Group Commander or Chief of Staff.  Then take that same husband and wife team and they promote all of their relatives who are in the group to group positions.  Then take the same couple and have them promote their work associates who happen to be CAP members to SQD Commanders.  Their reasoning.....they know how to work with their relatives and associates best. 

Can't beat PAWG......but I am guessing this type of stuff happens in every wing.

[jimmydeanno]

Remember the contest NJ had to come up with a new state motto...

"New Jersey, it's not as bad as it smells..."

err...wrong one...I meant....

"New Jersey, just another relative on the payroll."

Relatives look out for their own, even if they say they don't.  Keeping the family together is usually more important than CAP - I see it all the time, Dad Sq CC, Son C/CC, MOM DCC.  Tell me that doesn't look suspicious...

[mikeylikey]

^  Very suspicious!

Actually makes me sick.  I also love it when the Cadet Commander runs off to mom and dad to "tell" on other cadets or the "bad" Officer who failed them on their Mitchell.  Am I bitter......sure I am.   

[Skyray]

The husband wife teams don't bother me nearly as much as the husband girlfriend teams with the wife left home.  Just my impression, but it seems to happen around here mostly in the Wing Commander and up zone.

[SeattleSarge]

I think this kind of favoritism is universal in over-involved parents.  After eight years in Boy Scout leadership, I've got a bunch of stories of Asst Scoutmasters advancing their little angels first.

We had a denied Eagle Scout candidate that almost cost our troop a lawsuit.

It seems to be an issue locally with older cadets/parents that want to get academy appointments.

-SeattleSarge

[Walkman]

I was impressed last week when the son of our DCC, a 2nd LT, came up to her and saluted, addressing her as "Lt. Christensen" before asking a question.

Thanks for this thread. As a new father/son combo in CAP (and 4 more younger sons who are looking up to him) this is good stuff for me to remember. I have noticed that I want him to be as Hoo-Ah (is that how you spell it) and driven as I am, but he's a more laid back kid. I'm gonna' back off a bit. Plus I'm  going into the PAO track as opposed to CP, so we won't have as much direct interaction. 

[jimmydeanno]

...is that how you spell it

Depends on what you're trying to say.  There is; HUA, HOO-RAH, HOO-YAH.  They're usually branch specific, like "HUA" from what I understand means "Heard, Understood and Acknowleged."

Army:
DI: "Tie that swiss seat like this. HUA?"
SOLDIER: "HUA"

Air Force:
Commander: "Our unit just earned the MOU!"
Troops: "HOO-RAH!"

Navy:
I'm pretty sure HOO-YAH is there's, but can't say for certain...

[Stonewall]

...is that how you spell it

Hooah   (hü-ä or who-ah)
U.S. Military Slang.

Referring to, or meaning anything and everything except "no." Generally used when at a loss for words. Also:

Good copy, solid copy, roger, good or great; message received, understood.
Glad to meet you, welcome.
I do not know, but will check on it, I haven't the vaguest idea.
I am not listening.
That is enough of your drivel--sit down.
Stop sniveling.
You've got to be kidding.
Yes.
Thank you.
Go to the next slide.
You have taken the correct action.
I don't know what that means, but am too embarrassed to ask for clarification.
That is really neat, I want one too.
Amen.

[Walkman]

There is; HUA, HOO-RAH, HOO-YAH.

Not to cause drift, but...

Isn't there a Boo-Yah, too? Marines?

[MIKE]

There is; HUA, HOO-RAH, HOO-YAH.

Do not use any of these.  HUA does not really mean Heard, Understood, Acknowledged... It means Head Up ...  Hooya is for Navy SEALs... and Hoorah is just dumb.

Isn't there a Boo-Yah, too? Marines?

Oorah.  Do not use this also.

Back to topic.

[mikeylikey]

It seems to be an issue locally with older cadets/parents that want to get academy appointments.

-SeattleSarge

I have seen that as well.  You would not believe how fast an appointment can be lost or never pushed through when a military Officer writes a letter to the appointing chair.  Have I done that before?  Maybe. 

[ELTHunter]

I've had several parents of cadets join our unit and become involved with the cadet program.  I can't remember any problems coming from this that I observed.  I did have fears originally that it would be a problem but never was.  Maybe I've been lucky.

My son will be 12 in a year and wants to join.  Hopefully, I can be an objective Deputy Commander for Cadets when he does.  I believe I have been impartial as his Scout leader.  Both organizations have regulations and criteria for advancement, he either meets them or he doesn't, it's pretty black and white.  After serving as DCOC in the squadron and ES Officer on Group staff, I'd be happy to turn over the DCOC position to someone else and just help out if needed.  However, I haven't spent 9 years working with other peoples kids and taking some time away from mine to stop participating when my son finally can join.

The thing that has been a bigger problem for me is that I had/have several groups of siblings in the unit at one time.  I've found that trying to establish and maintain military order and discipline among siblings to be harder than with parent/child relationships.  Especially when one sibling is in the COC above the others.  I'm still struggling with that.  I've currently got a cadet that has a real chance at an appointment to the AFA.  One of the biggest challenges of developing his leadership ability is trying to get him to think of his siblings as just cadets and not brothers/sisters.  Younger ones are used to ignoring him as an authority figure, he's used to telling them to do something and then letting Mom and Dad enforce the rules.

Just as an aside, having family members in the same Guard unit is pretty common, at least in the South.

[ZigZag911]

Nepotism is simply another form of cronyism, but magnified because of family relationships.

People need to be honest with themselves -- it is difficult separating  CAP officer/CC/DCC role from that of parent -- but to be fair to all, that's what needs to happen.

Likewise, the cadet needs to recognize that Mom or Dad is "Captain Whomever" at the unit, not mommy or daddy!

Most youth organizations encounter the same problem -- leadership is hard to find.

As for adult couples, they either need to look on the CAP relationship as a 'business' type relationship, or else serve in different units.

[floridacyclist]

Amen to that. Of course there may be problems when the nearest other unit is 50 miles away.

[JaL5597]

Amen to that. Of course there may be problems when the nearest other unit is 50 miles away.

Other meeting nights etc could also cause issues. 

These are wonderful thoughts but I can see a point where trying to avoid potiental appearances of impropriety could cause stress on the homefront.  Diffrent meeting nights, diffrent activity schedules, the costs associated with going to multiple units.  When it comes down to it and there are diffrent activites which squadron benefits which is going to lose out? 

I have seen the whole favoritism thing happen, I am lucky I have not had to deal with it in the units I have been a member of.  When its gotten out of hand its something that you can see from a distance and man it can get ugly.

I am not sure there really is a good answer when it comes to relatives in the program. 

Now I do have a question.  Before parents applications are accepted are they put before a membership review?  Okay I can't think if the right term right now.  And are they counsled before they join as to what is expected out of them in regards to conduct towards their cadets? 

I don't know the right or wrong answers when it comes to the parents question.  I am not involved in the recruiting process and am just curious from following this discussion.

[ZigZag911]

The Lieutenant makes an excellent point about addressing the issue/potential problem upfront, before forms are signed or checks cashed.

As a matter of fact, some of these issues (nepotism, cronyism, conduct becoming an officer, limits on use of alcohol/tobacco in presence of cadets) should probably become part of the PD program, at least Level 1 & SLS.

[jimmydeanno]

Both organizations have regulations and criteria for advancement, he either meets them or he doesn't, it's pretty black and white. 

Ahhh, but it isn't really all that "black and white."  There are the "check boxes" like the tests and PT, TIG, etc.  But then there is that "posess maturity comensurate with the grade" thing that so often gets "ignored" frequently when mom and dad are the DCC. (Not saying you in this case...) 

So how does a parent judge their own childs maturity and responsibility level in an objective manner?  Sometimes the parents are TOO hard in their judging and some just don't judge at all and leave the checkboxes to do the work...

[floridacyclist]

Two thoughts...

1) Do not ever put yourself in a position of judging your own child. When Lt Floyd has to make a decision regarding C/CMSgt Davidson or C/MSgt Floyd, she defers it to the Squadron Commander and makes sure that everyone knows that she did that. At the same time, they have all always had to travel to another squadron for ES signoffs because I refuse to sign on an SQTR for a relative except for the most mundane and verifiable items (ICS200 etc)

2) We address the parent-child issue at the Membership Review Board and discuss it thoroughly.

Also, when we appointed a cadet parent as Leadership Officer. I was very blunt that I had concerns about possible favoritism and appearances and made sure that not only did he (and everyone else on staff) understand my conderns, but that we all agreed on a proactive approach to dealing with them. He would not have been my first choice except for his strong leadership skills, Drill and ceremony experience (former ROTC color guard himself), willingness to admit that there were potential parent/child issues,  Lt Floyd being unable to take the cadets to the Color Guard Academy after the change of dates and therefore going to miss the entire class on how to coach a color guard and perhaps most importantly he was the only feasible volunteer.

It also helps that we now have a very strong CO who would bust our chops if we got out of line.

[mikeylikey]

^  Good points.  Removing oneself from the appearance of impropriety is a very good thing.

[Sgt. Savage]

I had this problem once. I removed myself from direct cadet interaction and took up a position of a trainer instead of a leader. My problem is, now, when I have to listen to my cadet complain about how F***ed up the DCC is and I won't get involved. We're not talking stupid, we're talking that if I got involved, the IG might also. I don't want to put a target on myself or my kid. I wish our CC had more guts.

[ZigZag911]

Several of you have made the most salient point: commanders (at all levels -- and I include deputies here) need to stand up and take charge, know what's going on, and do what needs doing, even if it is unpopular or politically incorrect.

[Stonewall]

Several of you have made the most salient point: commanders (at all levels -- and I include deputies here) need to stand up and take charge, know what's going on, and do what needs doing, even if it is unpopular or politically incorrect.

Absolutely correct.  However, and this is unfortunately true, sometimes those CCs and DCCs are the very culprits who are at the center of the problem.

It can be so frustrating when the ones guilty of all the things we've mentioned in this discussion are the same people that think everything is all fine, well and good.  Some people are capable of stepping out and looking at themselves as others may see or perceive.  Those are the ones, like Gene Floyd I think, who either take corrective action or are proactive in eliminating any misconduct or inappropriate actions on the family's behalf.  Good on ya, Gene.

[afgeo4]

I'll be that as a group/wing commander one of your major worries is who will take over the command if that person chooses family over CAP.

Unfortunately because of energy, time, and financial requirements of being a CAP unit commander, most members with experience choose not to take on that responsibility and because of that there is a real lack of alternatives. Commanders don't want to lose units for small reasons and the possibility of impropriety isn't a good enough reason. They would simply rather ignore the issue and hope for the best (which is usually what they get.)

Sometimes an issue arises and then the superior commander simply says they could not have known anything was going to happen and that it's not their fault.

So many issues in CAP stream from lack of experienced people on top. It's one of our most hurting problems.

[Stonewall]

Yep, a lot of the best leaders who would make perfect commanders or deputies, at all levels, are the right person for the job because they choose family of CAP.  It's a vicious cycle.

[ZigZag911]

Several of you have made the most salient point: commanders (at all levels -- and I include deputies here) need to stand up and take charge, know what's going on, and do what needs doing, even if it is unpopular or politically incorrect.

Absolutely correct.  However, and this is unfortunately true, sometimes those CCs and DCCs are the very culprits who are at the center of the problem.

It can be so frustrating when the ones guilty of all the things we've mentioned in this discussion are the same people that think everything is all fine, well and good. 

And that is why I said it was a command responsibility at all levels. If a sqdn CC is engaged in nepotism, then the group or wing CC needs to step in with counseling first, stronger measures if necessary.

It is a difficult situation, and Capt Floyd & his family are an example of how relatives interact properly in the CAP context....they should be commended!

[SARMedTech]

On the converse, what do you do with the situation where it is obvious that the command bends over backwards to make sure there is no conflict of interest, to the point of being doubly hard on the cadet?  In my case, I have to watch the command rip my cadets off.  I am not in a position of making decisions as I am just a paper pusher, yet I have to watch my cadets get treated as second class citizens by both the command and the other cadets. Yet when I squawk about the mistreatment, the command ignores me.  And I'm not talking about a few deals, floridacyclist, but constant mistreatment.  The bad taste in my mouth is making me seriously consider quitting.

Ma'am-

When you say your cadets in this context I assume you mean your children who are cadets. If you can in a general way, how are they being ripped off?  Is it promotions or awards or not being chosen for certain activities? I dont doubt that its happening and as you say clearly that it is happening often. But what is the severity of the mistreatment?  Are they being yelled at, or in someway hazed?  You see what I mean I think.

[ELTHunter]

Both organizations have regulations and criteria for advancement, he either meets them or he doesn't, it's pretty black and white. 

Ahhh, but it isn't really all that "black and white."  There are the "check boxes" like the tests and PT, TIG, etc.  But then there is that "posess maturity comensurate with the grade" thing that so often gets "ignored" frequently when mom and dad are the DCC. (Not saying you in this case...) 

So how does a parent judge their own childs maturity and responsibility level in an objective manner?  Sometimes the parents are TOO hard in their judging and some just don't judge at all and leave the checkboxes to do the work...

I have struggled with this issue in my own mind a bit...and I still have a year to think about it.  In Scouts, if anything I think I do tend to hold my kid to a higher standard, probably for two reason, (1) I don't want to give the impression that he is getting preferential treatment and (2) I tend push them to expect the best from themselves.  Not to be the best, but to do their best.  If you remember the original movie Friday Night Lights, you'll know what I mean....Can You Be Perfect?

I expect my kid to start off a little more advanced than your average cherry cadet, he already knows about a lot of the basics from seeing me and going to the occasional squadron meeting as a visitor.  Will that enable him to advance quicker at first?  Will that quicker advancement lead to impressions of favoritism?  I don't know, but that's the kind of thing I guess I'll need to be aware of.

It's been my experience that the check boxes are a fine thing, but I have usually had to make decisions about promotions and cadet leadership based on the subjective criteria of maturity level and judgement.  If I end up still being DCC when my kid joins, I'll leave the promotion decisions up to the CC.

[Lancer]

I'm glad this thread is getting the response it is. It shows that this is something that affects a great lot of us.

It can be quite perplexing for some of us as we go from weekly meeting to weekly meeting and any other activity. I find myself going out of my way to ensure I treat my cadet just like any other. Even at home, other than me 'reminding' him about studying for his next achievement (something I think even the standard parent of a cadet would do), I don't think I pressure him much at all. He knows I expect the best from him and I believe that is enough.

I think had I not been a cadet previously, I would probably not be quite so conscientious about it. I'm not saying that I think I'm a better person because I was a cadet, but because as someone who had the 'cadet experience' I know that I don't want an overbearing parent standing over my shoulder at every meeting, giving me grief because I didn't do something right, etc.

Someone else previously pointed out that those of you who are having issues with others in their unit treating their cadet unfairly get nowhere with their DCC or CC. The buck doesn't stop there ladies and gentlemen, work the chain if you have problem. Simple, no?

As for the members out there that take advantage of their position to advance their children through the cadet program and/or think that it's best if 'their family' runs the squadron, shame on you. How you can teach CAP core values when you can't follow them yourselves, well... that one will forever boggle my mind.

[floridacyclist]

I say that we've never had a problem..I lied...sort of LOL

Once upon a time with the old DCC (the one before the one that sat like a bump on a log...always) one of my kids did something wrong on the obstacle course and got in trouble for it. Capt _____ called me over and explained the situation to me. The conversation was like
me: "OK"
him: What do you want me to do about it?
me: I thought that was your job to figure out"
him (looking dumbfounded): "But he's your kid"
me: Not here he isn't
I went on to clarify my feelings that I was not a parent at CAP unless absolutely needed (medical consent perhaps?) and that I expected him to treat my cadet like any other and not worry what I thought about it.

I was also accused of using the squadron as a babysitter after leaving a movie night/sleepover at the squadron building to go out alone. I was a single parent of 3 at the time and never had any time to myself and there were several other Officers at the event, so it seemed OK to me. I bet other cadet's parents have never caught that flak.

All that said, I think that the best way for many parents to participate is as a CSM.

[MIKE]

^ And no, he doesn't mean Command Sergeant Major. 

[afgeo4]

CAP is a babysitting program. At least it is for many parents. They're all happy that their children have found something they like while they found something to get them off their hands for a few hours a week. That's how many parents see it.

I understand that to a parent we may just be a babysitting service, but it's a service they're happy with and are willing to pay for it and help with our programs once in a while and that's fine with me. What makes it all ok is that the cadet knows what CAP really is.

[floridacyclist]

I always thought it was BSA that stood for Baby Sitters of America...at least that was what we always said when I was Cubmaster, we had 26 kids and 4 involved parents. Funny thing is that the involved parents were all single...none of the married parents seemd to have time.

Same thing in Young Marines, which is where I met my wife (she was the Adjutant and I was in charge of the Parents Group). That was where we figured out the part about seperation of blood and rank. Gunny Lay would always reply to the kids when they called me Dad with "Who's yo daddy? Your daddy's not here". I can still hear my 5yo when he went with us to Washington calling me "Mr Fwoyd". Took us over a month after we got home to get it across to him that I was still his dad and that he didn't have to call me mister at home LOL

[Eclipse]

CAP is a babysitting program.

Too sadly true.  Parents these days are too used to "dropping off" and "picking up".  What happens while they are at the mall is someone else's responsibility.

[jimmydeanno]

I've been in my new squadron for about 9 months now and I can honestly say I haven't met half of my cadet's parents.  We invite to open houses, activities, etc - we just the kid doing a tuck and roll out the door as the parents drive by.  It's sad really.

[ELTHunter]

I've been in my new squadron for about 9 months now and I can honestly say I haven't met half of my cadet's parents.  We invite to open houses, activities, etc - we just the kid doing a tuck and roll out the door as the parents drive by.  It's sad really.

At the moment, although I don't have any parents in the squadron, I've got several parents that take an interest in how their kid is doing in CAP.  I've had groups in the past where I never even saw a parent.  A kid would show up alone or with a friend, get an application, bring it back signed and with a check, and I'd never even see anyone try to make sure we weren't a bunch or white supremest militia nuts or something.  Although it's sometimes a pain to have interested parents, there is definitely corralates to the kid of kids you have.

[afgeo4]

Why not offer them a cadet sponsor membership?

[jimmydeanno]

I would, but I first need contact to do so...tried working through the cadet, mailings, etc - nothing...

[Lancer]

We're going the route of setting up a 'Parents Committee'. My wife is taking point on getting this setup and going. She joined as a CSM herself and is working to get other parents in as CSM's.

We worked things out regarding the details of what we wanted to accomplish by having this group, fundraising, activities, arranging guest speakers etc. (they'll be working with me on that as I'm wearing the Activities Officer hat).

She created a flyer, which went home on paper with the cadets, as well as through e-mail distribution. They had their first meeting a couple weeks ago with a good number of the parents. It seemed to go very well and we've got a couple of folks signing up as CSM's because of it and I'm sure more as we have a few more meetings.

Besides having additional resources for assistance, we feel this 'bridges the gap' between the cadet parents and us as staff and sets ground rules for everything and works to keep the lines of communication much more fluid.

I'm anxious to read the minutes from the last NB meeting so I can see what was talked about on the top of parent committees, as I had seen this was something to be discussed.

[afgeo4]

Great policy!  Is it a squadron SOP? I'm thinking of asking my squadron CC to put out a similar policy even though we don't have that problem yet (we're trying to get parents involved), but isn't that the best time to solve a problem? Before it happens?

[floridacyclist]

CAP is a babysitting program.

Too sadly true.  Parents these days are too used to "dropping off" and "picking up".  What happens while they are at the mall is someone else's responsibility.

I find it interesting that there are those in CAP who try to limit parent's involvement in CAP and others who complain because they don't participate. Is it possible for a parent to win?

[Stonewall]

Yes.  Here's the perfect situation for a parent.

Parent in CAP for a while, before their kid joins.  Establishes himself at the squadron level, maybe even serve as CC.

Kid joins CAP, dad moves to group or takes support job at the squadron like logistics.  That way he can stay out of son (or daughters) way, watch him/her enjoy CAP and then kick his butt out when he turns 18.  Then, dad becomces CC of squadron again.

[ladyreferee]

On the converse, what do you do with the situation where it is obvious that the command bends over backwards to make sure there is no conflict of interest, to the point of being doubly hard on the cadet?  In my case, I have to watch the command rip my cadets off.  I am not in a position of making decisions as I am just a paper pusher, yet I have to watch my cadets get treated as second class citizens by both the command and the other cadets. Yet when I squawk about the mistreatment, the command ignores me.  And I'm not talking about a few deals, floridacyclist, but constant mistreatment.  The bad taste in my mouth is making me seriously consider quitting.

Ma'am-

When you say your cadets in this context I assume you mean your children who are cadets. If you can in a general way, how are they being ripped off?  Is it promotions or awards or not being chosen for certain activities? I dont doubt that its happening and as you say clearly that it is happening often. But what is the severity of the mistreatment?  Are they being yelled at, or in someway hazed?  You see what I mean I think.

It isn't hazing exactly - it's more like "although I have never had any other cadet write two papers or give two speeches, I'm going to require you to do that if you want to be promoted."  And, "I'm not sure if you have leadership qualities for promotion, but I'm not going to give you a leadership position anyway." Oh, "I know you went to NCOS and your instructors said you worked hard, but I don't have time to read your file.  Also, "outside activities don't mean anything in our unit, even though you've attended everything we've ever asked of you" (like filling in for color guard practice when one on the team can't make it, all SAREX weekends, local fly-in parking patrols, helping watch the perimeter for fireworks patrol).  And how about "we think that attending meetings is very important, and even though you've only missed two meetings in 14 months, don't think that is going to help your case."  And then there is the "I'm going to mark it off on your BDU inspection, you didn't crease down the front of the pants, you only pressed them."

I think the cadets, who are my sons, are getting ripped off when they have to watch other cadets, who attend one or two meetings a month, don't attend any outside activities, and sit on each other's peer review boards (two are dating each other) get promoted every two months, while my cadets work hard, passed all the requirements the other cadets have and follow the rules, but still get told they don't qualify yet.  My younger cadet attended NCOS when he was told he couldn't promote without showing leadership.  Didn't matter, none of the other cadets have attended NCOS, so he must have only attended because his older brother went!  He hasn't been promoted for over five months.  The older one hasn't for seven months.  I'm just waiting for the command to pull the "you haven't been promoting twice a year, we'll have to pull your membership..."

Sure, I can take a sabbatical, but what does that teach my cadets?  That you can work really hard, play by the rules, but it doesn't matter in CAP because of some rotten people in the organization?  To give up when the going gets rough? Does it teach persistence or does it show stupidity on my part for not knowing when to quit - that our time is precious and shouldn't be wasted on small minded people?

I'm ladyreferee because I am a high school hockey referee, but I'm not good with dealing with the male coaches - I prefer to ref the girls games.  I get intimated too easily - I don't have the gonads needed sometimes.  So hockey is sort of the therapy I force myself to have.

It is never noticed that both sons call me ma'am and salute at meetings - but once when at an outside activity my older son called me mom - that was immediately reported and the commander accused me of crossing the boundary for major versus mom.  Problem was, my son was upset at having thought he had lost my cell phone and was reporting to me that that may have happened.  At that point he was more worried about what Dad would say, than what the Commander would say.

If it was a cut and dried hazing case, I could deal with that - send it IG's way.  But when it is this stuff, what do you do?   

[JaL5597]

It isn't hazing exactly - it's more like "although I have never had any other cadet write two papers or give two speeches, I'm going to require you to do that if you want to be promoted."  And, "I'm not sure if you have leadership qualities for promotion, but I'm not going to give you a leadership position anyway." Oh, "I know you went to NCOS and your instructors said you worked hard, but I don't have time to read your file.  Also, "outside activities don't mean anything in our unit, even though you've attended everything we've ever asked of you" (like filling in for color guard practice when one on the team can't make it, all SAREX weekends, local fly-in parking patrols, helping watch the perimeter for fireworks patrol).  And how about "we think that attending meetings is very important, and even though you've only missed two meetings in 14 months, don't think that is going to help your case."  And then there is the "I'm going to mark it off on your BDU inspection, you didn't crease down the front of the pants, you only pressed them."

I think the cadets, who are my sons, are getting ripped off when they have to watch other cadets, who attend one or two meetings a month, don't attend any outside activities, and sit on each other's peer review boards (two are dating each other) get promoted every two months, while my cadets work hard, passed all the requirements the other cadets have and follow the rules, but still get told they don't qualify yet.  My younger cadet attended NCOS when he was told he couldn't promote without showing leadership.  Didn't matter, none of the other cadets have attended NCOS, so he must have only attended because his older brother went!  He hasn't been promoted for over five months.  The older one hasn't for seven months.  I'm just waiting for the command to pull the "you haven't been promoting twice a year, we'll have to pull your membership..."

Sure, I can take a sabbatical, but what does that teach my cadets?  That you can work really hard, play by the rules, but it doesn't matter in CAP because of some rotten people in the organization?  To give up when the going gets rough? Does it teach persistence or does it show stupidity on my part for not knowing when to quit - that our time is precious and shouldn't be wasted on small minded people?

I'm ladyreferee because I am a high school hockey referee, but I'm not good with dealing with the male coaches - I prefer to ref the girls games.  I get intimated too easily - I don't have the gonads needed sometimes.  So hockey is sort of the therapy I force myself to have.

It is never noticed that both sons call me ma'am and salute at meetings - but once when at an outside activity my older son called me mom - that was immediately reported and the commander accused me of crossing the boundary for major versus mom.  Problem was, my son was upset at having thought he had lost my cell phone and was reporting to me that that may have happened.  At that point he was more worried about what Dad would say, than what the Commander would say.

If it was a cut and dried hazing case, I could deal with that - send it IG's way.  But when it is this stuff, what do you do?   

Well if they are requiring above and beyond what is outlined in the regs I do believe there is an issue.  Expecially if there was no given reason for the 2 papers and 2 speeches. 

Cadets have to meet the requirements as outlined in 52-16 and commanders can not add other requirements to that.  If things are being withheld then your sons really need to insist on a CAPF 50 which should be done once a phase at minimum anyways.  That way whatever the percieved issues will be layed out and a plan needs to be developed to get them up to speed.

Don't worry your not alone on the frustration.  I've been there a few times and have walked away once before for a year before I came back.  I simply packed up my desk and left.  The only reason I went back was they needed me in the post Sept 11 days.

[ZigZag911]

Major Carroll,

What you have described here is a pattern of apparent discrimination against your sons.

If we were talking 'do this speech again, it was below standard' or something of that nature, then it would probably be simply a matter of the cadet not meeting required standards in a given instance. However that does not seem to be the case here.

If you can discuss this reasonably with the squadron CC you should do so.
I gather your husband is not a member, perhaps including him in this discussion would emphasize that this is a parental concern.

Another course of action would be to ask a chaplain you respect to mediate the matter.

I'd try those avenues first....assuming this is not some sort of personal vendetta, it's always best for everyone to resolve these matters as simply and informally as possible.

If that does not work (and CAP does have more than it's fair share of individuals who think they are the next Napoleon!), you always have recourse to the IG.

I wish you luck, and look forward to hearing how this works out.

[Duke Dillio]

This whole situation is interesting to me because if a cadet has met all of the requirements, he/she should be promoted.  I know there is a reg in there somewhere that says a squadron cc has the final promoting authority and that he/she can withhold promotion if they feel it is warranted, blah blah blah.  I remember my last squadron commander told me about his experience at the UCC where the wing legal officer stressed to the students there that withholding promotions for cadets was not a good idea.  He said that there had been several lawsuits due to this and unless the squadron cc had a really really good reason not to promote someone, i.e. intentional fraud/deceit in personnel records, patterns of misconduct, etc. that withholding promotions was a huge NO-GO.

Every cadet has leadership potential.  The best way to bring this out is to increase their responsibilities.  If there was another squadron close to you, I would consider a move.  If not, the IG might be the way to go but you also have to consider how the squadron cc will react to a call from the IG as well.  I would suggest reviewing all of the information you have.  Document everything that you can and then go have a discussion with the cc.  Show him lil Johnny has passed all tests, completed the moral leadership requirements, been to a squadron activity (if that is a requirement in your squadron), and completed all other requirements.  Document the meeting as well.  As soon as it is over, if there is no change, then I would contact the IG and show that you have exhausted all other efforts.  I cannot guarantee that good will come of this but at least it is something.