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CAP Talk  |  Operations  |  Tall Tales  |  Topic: "Tid bits "O" Humor"
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Author Topic: "Tid bits "O" Humor"  (Read 21473 times)
Rob Sherlin
Seasoned Member

Posts: 385

« on: November 22, 2008, 06:42:32 AM »

 For you pilots.......
   If you work with a person that everyone calls "Little John", don't leave an aircraft supply catalog where he can find it (He didn't mind the name to much untill now).
Logged
To fly freely above the earth is the ultimate dream for me in life.....For I do not wish to wait till I pass to earn my wings.

Rob Sherlin SM, NER-NY-116
Rob Sherlin
Seasoned Member

Posts: 385

« Reply #1 on: December 26, 2008, 01:18:47 AM »

For you LE Traffic guys........

  A squad car pulls over a vehicle that was swerving, upon approaching the vehicle, the officer notices the driver is a "man of the cloth".

  The Officer says, " Excuse me Father! I pulled you over because you were swerving in and out of your lane. Have you had anything to drink?"
  The Father says, " No, just a lot of water as it's been very hot today."
  The Officer says, " Are you sure? I can smell your breath from here and it sure smells like wine to me!"
  The Father looks puzzled, then gets a look on his face and says, " Oh Lord!...He did it again!"
Logged
To fly freely above the earth is the ultimate dream for me in life.....For I do not wish to wait till I pass to earn my wings.

Rob Sherlin SM, NER-NY-116
nesagsar
Seasoned Member

Posts: 283

Hoskins Business
« Reply #2 on: January 11, 2009, 02:30:29 PM »

I present for your approval a set of demotivators I made last month










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nesagsar
Seasoned Member

Posts: 283

Hoskins Business
« Reply #3 on: January 11, 2009, 02:37:43 PM »

Here are the rest of them.










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SarDragon
Global Moderator

Posts: 9,737
Unit: NAVAIRPAC

« Reply #4 on: January 11, 2009, 05:59:28 PM »

Pix = st00pid!  :o
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Dave Bowles
Maj, CAP
AT1, USN Retired
Mitchell Award (unnumbered)
C/WO, CAP, Ret
jeders
Salty & Seasoned Contributor

Posts: 1,946

« Reply #5 on: January 12, 2009, 01:24:46 AM »

Pix = st00pid!  :o

Yes, except for the Air Force Pilots one, that's just plain funny.  ;D
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If you are confident in you abilities and experience, whether someone else is impressed is irrelevant. - Eclipse
_
Seasoned Member

Posts: 406

« Reply #6 on: January 12, 2009, 02:14:34 AM »

Pix = st00pid!  :o

Yes, except for the Air Force Pilots one, that's just plain funny.  ;D
Pretty sure the person in the "Air Force Pilots" one is a Navy F-14 Radar Intercept Officer
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SarDragon
Global Moderator

Posts: 9,737
Unit: NAVAIRPAC

« Reply #7 on: January 12, 2009, 02:43:40 AM »

I think I'm inclined to agree with that. And the Navy Pilots caption is totally bogus. More here.
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Dave Bowles
Maj, CAP
AT1, USN Retired
Mitchell Award (unnumbered)
C/WO, CAP, Ret
jeders
Salty & Seasoned Contributor

Posts: 1,946

« Reply #8 on: January 12, 2009, 11:03:51 AM »

Pix = st00pid!  :o

Yes, except for the Air Force Pilots one, that's just plain funny.  ;D
Pretty sure the person in the "Air Force Pilots" one is a Navy F-14 Radar Intercept Officer
It doesn't have to be completely accurate to be funny.
Logged

If you are confident in you abilities and experience, whether someone else is impressed is irrelevant. - Eclipse
GTCommando
Seasoned Member

Posts: 255
Unit: GLR-OH-288

Pathfinders Cadet Squadron
« Reply #9 on: September 08, 2010, 12:51:44 AM »

For you LE Traffic guys........

  A squad car pulls over a vehicle that was swerving, upon approaching the vehicle, the officer notices the driver is a "man of the cloth".

  The Officer says, " Excuse me Father! I pulled you over because you were swerving in and out of your lane. Have you had anything to drink?"
  The Father says, " No, just a lot of water as it's been very hot today."
  The Officer says, " Are you sure? I can smell your breath from here and it sure smells like wine to me!"
  The Father looks puzzled, then gets a look on his face and says, " Oh Lord!...He did it again!"

Very funny. You don't find too many of those kinds of jokes that don't make people mad. This one is just plain funny. I will be using it.  :clap:
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C/Maj, CAP                 
Alpha Flight Commander                     
Pathfinder Composite squadron
Earhart #15889

"For the partisan, when he is engaged in a dispute, cares nothing about the rights of the question, but is anxious only to convince his hearers." -- Socrates
GTCommando
Seasoned Member

Posts: 255
Unit: GLR-OH-288

Pathfinders Cadet Squadron
« Reply #10 on: September 08, 2010, 12:55:01 AM »

Oops! Meant to post my last reply as a qoute. Still learning.  ::)
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C/Maj, CAP                 
Alpha Flight Commander                     
Pathfinder Composite squadron
Earhart #15889

"For the partisan, when he is engaged in a dispute, cares nothing about the rights of the question, but is anxious only to convince his hearers." -- Socrates
GTM SGT Frazier
Guest
« Reply #11 on: November 15, 2010, 05:08:03 PM »

For you LE Traffic guys........

  A squad car pulls over a vehicle that was swerving, upon approaching the vehicle, the officer notices the driver is a "man of the cloth".

  The Officer says, " Excuse me Father! I pulled you over because you were swerving in and out of your lane. Have you had anything to drink?"
  The Father says, " No, just a lot of water as it's been very hot today."
  The Officer says, " Are you sure? I can smell your breath from here and it sure smells like wine to me!"
  The Father looks puzzled, then gets a look on his face and says, " Oh Lord!...He did it again!"

Very funny. You don't find too many of those kinds of jokes that don't make people mad. This one is just plain funny. I will be using it.  :clap:


So thats where u got it king
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GTCommando
Seasoned Member

Posts: 255
Unit: GLR-OH-288

Pathfinders Cadet Squadron
« Reply #12 on: December 16, 2010, 11:15:32 PM »

Here's another one for y'all:

Letter from a farm kid
(now at San Diego, Marine Corps Recruit Training)

Dear Ma and Pa:

I am well. Hope you are too. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer that the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled.

I was restless at first because you have to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m., but I am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay... practically nothing. Men got to shave but it's not so bad... there's warm water. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie, and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus yours holds you 'til noon when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much.

We go on "route marches," which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it's not my place to tell him different. A "route march" is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.

The country is nice but awful flat. The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The captain is like the school board. Majors and colonels just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none.

This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move, and it ain't shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.

Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home. I'm about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake. I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I'm only 5'6" and 130 pounds and he's 6'8" and near 300 pounds dry.

Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join up before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding on in.

Your loving daughter,
Alice

http://marklowry.com/outside/funnies/funnies.htm
Logged
C/Maj, CAP                 
Alpha Flight Commander                     
Pathfinder Composite squadron
Earhart #15889

"For the partisan, when he is engaged in a dispute, cares nothing about the rights of the question, but is anxious only to convince his hearers." -- Socrates
mclarke
Forum Regular

Posts: 180
Unit: GLR-WI161

« Reply #13 on: April 26, 2011, 02:09:24 PM »

Here's another one for y'all:

Letter from a farm kid
(now at San Diego, Marine Corps Recruit Training)

Dear Ma and Pa:

I am well. Hope you are too. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer that the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled.

I was restless at first because you have to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m., but I am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay... practically nothing. Men got to shave but it's not so bad... there's warm water. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie, and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus yours holds you 'til noon when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much.

We go on "route marches," which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it's not my place to tell him different. A "route march" is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.

The country is nice but awful flat. The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The captain is like the school board. Majors and colonels just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none.

This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move, and it ain't shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.

Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home. I'm about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake. I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I'm only 5'6" and 130 pounds and he's 6'8" and near 300 pounds dry.

Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join up before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding on in.

Your loving daughter,
Alice

http://marklowry.com/outside/funnies/funnies.htm

I have read this before, however, I always find it to be funny  :clap:
Logged
Nighthawk
Recruit

Posts: 11
Unit: MER-NC-150

« Reply #14 on: April 26, 2011, 06:22:04 PM »

Here's another one for y'all:

Letter from a farm kid
(now at San Diego, Marine Corps Recruit Training)

Dear Ma and Pa:

I am well. Hope you are too. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer that the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled.

I was restless at first because you have to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m., but I am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay... practically nothing. Men got to shave but it's not so bad... there's warm water. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie, and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus yours holds you 'til noon when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much.

We go on "route marches," which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it's not my place to tell him different. A "route march" is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.

The country is nice but awful flat. The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The captain is like the school board. Majors and colonels just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none.

This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move, and it ain't shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.

Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home. I'm about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake. I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I'm only 5'6" and 130 pounds and he's 6'8" and near 300 pounds dry.

Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join up before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding on in.

Your loving daughter,
Alice

http://marklowry.com/outside/funnies/funnies.htm

I have read this before, however, I always find it to be funny  :clap:

Same here. I have told this one so many times, all my family members say the punchline only 1 or 2 lines in.
Logged
Daniel Ernandes, C/A1C, CAP
MER-NC-150

Good leaders are an endangered species.
When arguing with a fool, make sure he isn't doing the same thing.
Just because you have always been doing it that way doesn't mean it isn't incredibly stupid....
Abdomina
Recruit

Posts: 38
Unit: GLR-IL-274

« Reply #15 on: April 26, 2011, 07:51:28 PM »

my first sergeant shared this with us cadets a few weeks ago just before the meeting

After every flight, ups pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of >humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by ups ' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, ups is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on
back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right
wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last..................

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget
Logged
SarDragon
Global Moderator

Posts: 9,737
Unit: NAVAIRPAC

« Reply #16 on: April 27, 2011, 02:29:04 AM »

That joke is older than UPS Airlines by at least 15 years. I've seen it with USAF, USN, USMC, and other airlines instead of UPS.
Logged
Dave Bowles
Maj, CAP
AT1, USN Retired
Mitchell Award (unnumbered)
C/WO, CAP, Ret
HGjunkie
Salty & Seasoned Contributor

Posts: 1,606

« Reply #17 on: April 27, 2011, 10:38:25 PM »

I can't stop laughing!
Logged

CAP/USAFA Honor Guardsman
C2C USAFA
Nighthawk
Recruit

Posts: 11
Unit: MER-NC-150

« Reply #18 on: April 28, 2011, 09:47:25 PM »

it is amusing, but i have heard it all over the place.
Logged
Daniel Ernandes, C/A1C, CAP
MER-NC-150

Good leaders are an endangered species.
When arguing with a fool, make sure he isn't doing the same thing.
Just because you have always been doing it that way doesn't mean it isn't incredibly stupid....
Eclipse
Too Much Free Time Award
***
Posts: 27,267

« Reply #19 on: June 27, 2011, 05:44:03 PM »

it is amusing, but i have heard it all over the place.

Like here:
http://captalk.net/index.php?topic=1844.msg53160#msg53160
Logged

"Effort" does not equal "results".
The contents of this post are Copyright 2017 by eclipse. All rights are reserved. Specific permission is given to quote this post here on CAP-Talk only.

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CAP Talk  |  Operations  |  Tall Tales  |  Topic: "Tid bits "O" Humor"
 


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