Relationships within CAP

Reeses Peanut Butter Cup · February 28, 2006, 04:00:07 PM

i have a boyfriend but the thing is... he is a second lutenant (yes i know i spelled that wrong) at my squadron and i know there is no PDA alowed and i know why (because it doesn't look professional) But i want to know if i will get into trouble for having a boyfriend in my squadron esdpecially someoen of a higer rank than i am.

dwb · February 28, 2006, 04:39:25 PM

Ultimately, it is up to your squadron commander. I do recommend keeping the relationship on the "down low", just to avoid any potential conflicts. Even the appearance of preferential treatment is enough to poison morale.

That said, I think what you'll find is that the arrangement will not work out. Either some problem will occur in CAP, or the relationship itself may end (sorry, but it is possible), which may or may not cause problems in CAP.

I have known very few CAP cadet relationships to work out, especially when there is a rank disparity, or when the members are in the same squadron. If you can buck the trend, more power to you, but you're likely in for a challenge.

MIKE · February 28, 2006, 05:02:41 PM

www.iespell.com or click Spell Check next to the Preview button.

Relationships within the same chain of command are usually bad news. People will notice. You can guess what happens when the relationship goes south.

pixelwonk · February 28, 2006, 05:10:31 PM

Quote from: MIKE on February 28, 2006, 05:02:41 PM
www.iespell.com or click Spell Check next to the Preview button.

Relationships within the same chain of command are usually bad news. People will notice. You can guess what happens when the relationship goes south.

Yeah, you end up married.

Major_Chuck · February 28, 2006, 06:48:32 PM

The trick is to keep your relationship professional while in uniform or participating in a CAP or USAF sponsored event. There is nothing that I am aware of that prohibits relationships outside of CAP. If there was then I would be one of the first to argue for its change.

If we were a true military organization where we were judged by our off duty life as well as our on duty life then PDA would be an issue. Here within CAP it is not, you just need to know how to balance the two and not allow one to bleed into the the other.

Reeses Peanut Butter Cup · February 28, 2006, 07:41:24 PM

i'll get over it i don't even think we'll talk anymore during the meetings

smj58501 · February 28, 2006, 10:14:16 PM

Quote from: Reeses Peanut Butter Cup on February 28, 2006, 07:41:24 PM
yea but the thing is, all of the senior memebers know! we do keep it on the downlow and it's only the senior members that know.

Well, if the rest of the cadets in your squadron access CAP Talk, I guess they know the deal now that you posted your situation

(along with your name and squadron)

The way I see it, you have a few options:
1. Continue the charade, and deal with any consequences that arise (which could then lead to one of the below)
2. One of you changes squadrons (if this is an option)
3. (If the relationship together means more than CAP) One of you quits CAP altogether so you can date happily ever after
4. (If CAP is more important than your relationship together) You call the relationship quits and focus on your CAP careers

I do not envy your circumstance, but at the same time there probably is a very slim to no chance you will end up married to this guy (but thats a guess on my part). There will most likely be others. Keep that in mind as you make your decision.

Major_Chuck · March 01, 2006, 02:37:29 AM

But unless it is effecting CAP, your unit, or is inappropriate in anyway (I won't go into details) it is not their concern. I am more concerned with your squadron CC's overbearing attitude you've described then your relationship with your boyfriend.

Quote from: Reeses Peanut Butter Cup on February 28, 2006, 07:41:24 PM
yea but the thing is, all of the senior memebers know! we do keep it on the downlow and it's only the senior members that know. My boyfriend drives me home from meetings so i go to the cage to wait for him while he packs up and most of the time i help him, but when our CC come is he always has a suspicious look on his face like we were doing something that we shouldn't have done.

i think he get's that look beause when ever he comes in he opens the door really hard and barks at us which makes me jump because i am kind of a jumpy person. We pack up the cage and leave with CAPT. Rice at our heels and he looks over our shoulders for everything even if i am just asking him something about the class that we had that night because he sometimes teaches them, and if i don't understand i'll ask, but without fail Rice is always right there

smj58501 · March 01, 2006, 11:06:52 PM

Quote from: Major_Chuck on March 01, 2006, 02:37:29 AM
But unless it is effecting CAP, your unit, or is inappropriate in anyway (I won't go into details) it is not their concern. I am more concerned with your squadron CC's overbearing attitude you've described then your relationship with your boyfriend.

Good advise.... you are absolutely correct.

I guess I should have been clearer earlier when I wrote "1. Continue the charade, and deal with any consequences that arise (which could then lead to one of the below)" The "consequences" I aluded to would most likely be the sideways glances, whispered remarks, and other actions by those who think your relationship is their business. If you can make it through that, you will be fine. If not, you have some other decisions to make.

Good luck! If all else fails, you can always start a movement to change the name of your unit to the "Peyton Place Squadron"

Stephanie Allen · March 02, 2006, 05:02:58 PM

I've personally had a relationship with another cadet, my first sergeant actually. (The only CAP members that knew about our relationship was one fellow cadet who is a good friend of the two of us.)I've also known other cadets to have relationships...I've heard of any of them getting in trouble, and most of the relationships that I've heard of are pretty open meaning that everyone knew. So, I doubt you can get in trouble for it as long as you don't do anything stupid while on CAP activities or meetings.

Xeno · March 02, 2006, 06:10:16 PM

Quote from: Stephanie Allen on March 02, 2006, 05:02:58 PM
I doubt you can get in trouble for it as long as you don't do anything stupid while on CAP activities or meetings.

how about not doing anything stupid ever.

Doesn't really matter if its on CAP time. One stupid act is all it takes.

SKYKING607 · March 02, 2006, 06:23:52 PM

Harder to say than to "do" but during CAP time....keep it CAP. After CAP (out of uniform) is YOUR time.

Keep the professional image and respect of others.

Kerrbie · March 26, 2006, 06:19:16 AM

In our squadron there have been many relationships. *Sigh* no one gets awaywith it without our squadron commander finding out she'll know it even before you do!. Scary. But i have had the same experience. I had dated someone of a higher rank then me he was the person incharch of flights which i think is a squadron commander but then i mixed up the person in charge of everything. but oh well. And the person in charge of everything<~am just gonna put that for now. was his mother. After she found out i tried really hard just to stop talking to him and stay away from him when i could. but then he broke up with me because he was more concerned with his CAP Carer. *Sigh* Now things have be a little awkward but were still good friends. Thats the important part.