Neil Armstrong Essay

[Presence]

This is the start of my essay. Constructive Criticism and additional ideas would be appreciated.


•   Followership and Leadership, they are both very distinctive ideas. You cannot have one without the other. If you don't have followers, you cannot have leaders. Without leaders, you can't have followers. They both benefit each other. Followership is learning to be a leader and being a subordinate. Leadership is managing and leading subordinates to a goal. Followers main goals are to learn and better themselves to prepare for a leadership role. A good follower can learn and better themselves by listening and paying attention. Being a follower molds the subordinates in to a leader. The Air Force And Civil Air Patrol's definition of Leadership is "The Art and science of influencing and directing a group of subordinates to a assigned goal".

[Thor3785]

Your first sentence is not a sentence. Try "Followership and Leadership are both very distinctive ideas." It might be good to start with the definition of leadership and followership in the beginning instead of the end.

Talk more about listening. Maybe go into effective listening and what else makes a good follower.
Give some goals for leadership. You can do the same for leadership and discuss traits that make a good leader.

[Brad]

Your sentence structure is a bit stilted. Using a bunch of simple sentences messes up the flow of the essay, try turning some into compound and complex sentences.

Not sure where to start? Read it out loud to yourself, or better yet have someone else read it out loud to you. The natural pauses after the periods will emerge and you'll see how having that in the wrong place at the wrong time can make it seem like you're just in eternal anticipation waiting for the composition to get flowing.

The mind naturally breaks its train of thought when reading when it comes to a period, which can lead to distraction and ultimately disinterest in the reader.