My Armstrong Essay

[cadetesman]

Thanks everyone, I really do appreciate it...

Also, I am changing my topic to that of "Describe leadership mistakes you have made and explain what you learned from them."

I feel I will be able to more effectively write this, as it is more personal, and I can format it much less like a long research paper...I'll post the new essay at a later time...

Thanks to everyone though, I'll put into practice what you have all posted.

[coudano]

Thanks everyone, I really do appreciate it...

Also, I am changing my topic to that of "Describe leadership mistakes you have made and explain what you learned from them."

I feel I will be able to more effectively write this, as it is more personal, and I can format it much less like a long research paper...I'll post the new essay at a later time...

Thanks to everyone though, I'll put into practice what you have all posted.

Cool, just stick with the same sort of format


Introduction
Mistake & Lesson #1
Mistake & Lesson #2
Mistake & Lesson #3
Conclusion

5 paragraphs @ 80 words = 400 words.
shazam.

[cadetesman]

Hey all, here is my new essay...much more focused, but please tell me if the topic is too narrow for the question. Thanks

In 1903, Orville and Wilbur Wright would make the first powered flight. This act of powered flight would change the world forever, as it showed people that the impossible was possible, and that people could transcend the boundaries that the world imposed on them. While this was very important, another very important role of aerospace technology would be seen in its implementation in national defense, and this implementation can best be reflected in the usage of helicopters in the Vietnam War, which fundamentally changed how the American military and society in general looked at aerospace power.
   Initially, the most visible demonstration of American airpower in Vietnam can be reflected in the use of helicopters, specifically the US Army's use of the Bell UH – 1, the Huey. This is the iconic symbol of American involvement in Vietnam, and is the helicopter seen in every Vietnam War movie, game, or television show. Essentially, it was the definitive symbol of the American military in the Vietnam War.
   However, the Huey was much more than a symbol. In fact, it was a tool, and a valued one at that. An example of this is how on Huey's delivered countless soldiers to countless missions, delivered many supplies, and finally evacuated injured soldiers off the battlefield, in some incredibly prolific missions. In addition, the Huey was able to be armed, and could be used as an attack helicopter if none were available.
   Next, helicopters other than the Huey contributed to the American war effort. An example of this contribution is seen in the usage of AH – 1 Cobra helicopters by the Army and Marine Corps. These helicopters were able to quickly get to the battlefield, and hover over targets while laying down suppressive fire on the NVA and Viet Cong. Unlike aircraft, which essentially could make one run and have to circle back, these helicopters were able to maintain a presence over the enemy, and allowed for American ground forces to maintain an offensive. Clearly, attack helicopters were a very important part of the air based weapons spectrum of the Vietnam War.
   In conclusion, one may wonder how the use of helicopters in the Vietnam War reflected the importance of American aerospace power in national defense, and this question can be answered very easily. The Vietnam War showed America that helicopters were a vital part of National Defense, and that they were game changers in war, as the US forces would have been hurt significantly more without the medevac, gunship, and transport helicopters of the Vietnam War. But most importantly, the helicopters established a legacy which carries on to this day. This legacy is that helicopters protect the US and are a vital part of National Defense, as exhibited by their use by military and police forces around the country. Basically, helicopters showed the US that aerospace power is vital, important, and as significant as the first flight.

[Eclipse]

You're still all over the road.

First-flight to helos in about one sentence.

Helicopters as air power in Vietnam is certainly a valid subject, but go back and look at coudano's suggestions about the way to outline it before writing it.

[cadetesman]

In 1903, Orville and Wilbur Wright would make the first powered flight. This act of powered flight would change the world forever, as it showed people that the impossible was possible, and that people could transcend the boundaries that the world imposed on them. While originally used for civilian purposes, aircraft would quickly gain traction within the American military, with fixed wing airplanes coming first, and helicopters next. In fact, one of the best demonstrations of the importance of American airpower to national security can be seen by the use of helicopters in the Vietnam War, and the legacy that these helicopters would leave.
   Initially, the most visible demonstration of American airpower in Vietnam can be reflected in the use of helicopters, specifically the US Army's use of the Bell UH – 1, the Huey. This is the iconic symbol of American involvement in Vietnam, and is the helicopter seen in every Vietnam War movie, game, or television show. Essentially, it was the definitive symbol of the American military in the Vietnam War.
   However, the Huey was much more than a symbol. In fact, it was a tool, and a valued one at that. An example of this is how on Huey's delivered countless soldiers to countless missions, delivered many supplies, and finally evacuated injured soldiers off the battlefield, in some incredibly prolific missions. In addition, the Huey was able to be armed, and could be used as an attack helicopter if none were available.
   Next, helicopters other than the Huey contributed to the American war effort. An example of this contribution is seen in the usage of AH – 1 Cobra helicopters by the Army and Marine Corps. These helicopters were able to quickly get to the battlefield, and hover over targets while laying down suppressive fire on the NVA and Viet Cong. Unlike aircraft, which essentially could make one run and have to circle back, these helicopters were able to maintain a presence over the enemy, and allowed for American ground forces to maintain an offensive. Clearly, attack helicopters were a very important part of the air based weapons spectrum of the Vietnam War.
   In conclusion, one may wonder how the use of helicopters in the Vietnam War reflected the importance of American aerospace power in national defense, and this question can be answered very easily. The Vietnam War showed America that helicopters were a vital part of National Defense, and that they were game changers in war, as the US forces would have been hurt significantly more without the medevac, gunship, and transport helicopters of the Vietnam War. But most importantly, the helicopters established a legacy which carries on to this day. This legacy is that helicopters protect the US and are a vital part of National Defense, as exhibited by their use by military and police forces around the country. Basically, helicopters showed the US that aerospace power is vital, important, and as significant as the first flight.


I followed the format, intro, symbolism as point 1, usage as 2, other helicopters as 3, and legacy and conclusion in the end....does the intro sound better now?

Thanks to all, I really do appreciate it

[coudano]

Hey, better.

The word count is in bounds.  Good!



Watch out for these things

In 1903, Orville and Wilbur Wright would make the first powered flight.

mmkay so this isn't technically 'wrong', it's valid grammar.  it's just awkward.
Particularly since you don't maintain this simple conditional (from the past) tense throughout the paper.
It's like you are narrating a history documentary or something, I see the blur to white out and wavy screen effect going on here in my mind's eye...

Why not "In 1903, Orville and Wilbur Wright made the first powered flight."



Your conclusion paragraph here is really a better model of your whole paper.
There is more meat and structure in the conclusion than in the rest of the paper combined...

I still feel like you are skirting around the assigned topic some.

I'm sort of confused if this is about Vietnam,
or if it's about helicopters,
or if it's about the huey and the cobra (what about the chinook, little bird, apache, blackhawk, others i'm forgetting)
or aviation history,
or if it's about aerospace contribution to national defense <-- hint:  this one is the assigned topic

By the end of the introductory paragraph, there should be /NO CONFUSION WHATSOEVER/ about what i'm reading about.  The main idea (thesis) should be crystal clear to the reader.

each of your sub points needs to be directly related to your topic thesis.
if the helicopter's legendary status directly contributes to aviation's contribution to national defense, that's a case that can possibly be made, but i'm not sure you've made it...

So,
**Thesis:  american airpower is vital to national defense.  One vital aspect of airpower is the multi-faceted use of helicopters.
*Helicopters transport troops and supplies to areas that fixed wing can't reach
--for example:  troop insertions in vietnam (we were soldiers)
--for example:  supply drops and mail runs (forrest gump)
--for example:  fleet usage by navies
*Helicopters add combat effectiveness as gunships
--for example:  apache hms gun pointing and hellfire missiles
--for example:  door mounted saw "if they run, they're VC, if they stand still they're well disciplined VC"
--for example:  minigun on little bird "blackhawk down rooftop strafing style"
*Helicopters force-mutiply with medevac
--for example:  the golden hour
--for example:  # of troops 'saved' by helicopter medevac in the iraq war
--for exmaple:  knowing reliable medevac is available encourages fighters who know they might get wounded but probably won't die
**In conclusion, the helicopter has a profound and direct impact on the US conducting national security.  It certainly has attained legendary status reflected in movies and games, from its exploits as far back as Korea.



In this example outline, do you see how each of the 3 paragraphs directly /proves/ the thesis that has clearly been set forth?

And the supporting information in each paragraph directly supports that paragraph's main idea, with actual examples, and possibly even numerical or statistical data.

That's the target you're aiming for.
The word count limit is /intended/ to make you refine your structure and language so that you are direct, concise, and to the point.