Cadating

[tht1gurlflightsarg]

So is it against the regulations for cadets to be in a relationship? 

[abdsp51]

Depending on whom the cadets are dating it is against regulations.  Also it is not necessarily a good thing for cadets to date cadet staff etc.

[Cadetter]

I don't see the clause in the new 52-16 anymore... am I missing it?

I know of a cadet who was dating her first sergeant (she was flight sergeant), although they're no longer dating now and are in different squadrons (for unrelated causes), but there didn't seem to be any problem. But they handled it well.

[Tim Medeiros]

CAPR 52-10 has the answer to your question, specifically chapter 2 para 2-2.

[Garibaldi]

Cadet+cadet=ok

Cadet+cadet nco/officer=bad, but things happen

Cadet+senior=NO WAY. BAD THINGS WILL HAPPEN. Even if the cadet is 20 years old and the SM is 18, the answer is still no on that.

It's just a bad idea to date another cadet in the same unit, just like work. There's a saying somewhere out there, "don't crap where you eat". In other words, mind your business, personal life is personal.

It makes for an uncomfortable environment when things go south. Just say no. I think we've all been there and done that.

[dwb]

It's best to keep romance out of CAP activities altogether. The best cadet dating relationship I've seen, I didn't even know was a relationship because they hid it so well when they were at CAP.

Also, a general rule is to never date up or down in your chain of command. For example, if you're an element leader, don't date your flight sergeant or a member of your element.

[Cadetter]

CAPR 52-10 has the answer to your question, specifically chapter 2 para 2-2.

Thanks. I knew I saw it somewhere something I was reading recently.

So is it against the regulations for cadets to be in a relationship? 

The short answer is no, but some are discouraged.

[Angus]

Cadet+senior=NO WAY. BAD THINGS WILL HAPPEN. Even if the cadet is 20 years old and the SM is 18, the answer is still no on that.

My personal favorite when it comes to this two cadets are dating and one goes Senior and the other doesn't.

[MajorM]

I always enjoy watching TLC students who were not cadets, when we discuss this topic.  You say definite dating cadets and immediately they react with "No!" and " Yuck!".  This is because they have a 40 year old guy and a 17 year old female in their mind's eye.

Then I posit the dating cadet couple who are 20 & 19.  One turns 21.  Now what?  Of course the policy is the same, but you see a softening of their attitude.

It's not always as easy a situation as one might think.

[Angus]

I always enjoy watching TLC students who were not cadets, when we discuss this topic.  You say definite dating cadets and immediately they react with "No!" and " Yuck!".  This is because they have a 40 year old guy and a 17 year old female in their mind's eye.

Then I posit the dating cadet couple who are 20 & 19.  One turns 21.  Now what?  Of course the policy is the same, but you see a softening of their attitude.

It's not always as easy a situation as one might think.

I think with the couple with one in transition it's always the "grey area"  yes the regs say they shouldn't.  But at the same time we're not going to break a couple up over something like this. 

[MajorM]

No you're not, but you have to find a way to exist within the reg.  whether one turns senior or one temporarily leaves CAP.  Unfortunately there really aren't good answers.

[Cadetter]

My unit had two cadets a while back (2dLt - 19 and LtCol - 19), who were dating, and the 2dLt transferred the senior - no one in CAP was even aware there was a relationship until we were invited to the wedding a year later (when both were seniors).

[Garibaldi]

I always enjoy watching TLC students who were not cadets, when we discuss this topic.  You say definite dating cadets and immediately they react with "No!" and " Yuck!".  This is because they have a 40 year old guy and a 17 year old female in their mind's eye.

Then I posit the dating cadet couple who are 20 & 19.  One turns 21.  Now what?  Of course the policy is the same, but you see a softening of their attitude.

It's not always as easy a situation as one might think.

I think with the couple with one in transition it's always the "grey area"  yes the regs say they shouldn't.  But at the same time we're not going to break a couple up over something like this.

They do always have the option of quitting, then rejoining when they both are seniors. Oops, excuse me....OFFICERS.

[Angus]

No you're not, but you have to find a way to exist within the reg.  whether one turns senior or one temporarily leaves CAP.  Unfortunately there really aren't good answers.

I've seen it where the couple were from two different units.  If there was a joint activity one of them would not attend so that would cut down  on the interaction while "on the job". 

[Eclipse]

I always enjoy watching TLC students who were not cadets, when we discuss this topic.  You say definite dating cadets and immediately they react with "No!" and " Yuck!".  This is because they have a 40 year old guy and a 17 year old female in their mind's eye.

Then I posit the dating cadet couple who are 20 & 19.  One turns 21.  Now what?  Of course the policy is the same, but you see a softening of their attitude.

It's not always as easy a situation as one might think.

I think with the couple with one in transition it's always the "grey area"  yes the regs say they shouldn't.  But at the same time we're not going to break a couple up over something like this.

They do always have the option of quitting, then rejoining when they both are seniors. Oops, excuse me....OFFICERS.

No, Seniors is the correct term.  "Officers" has never been a correct or approved generic for non-cadet members.

[MajorM]

I've seen it where the couple were from two different units.  If there was a joint activity one of them would not attend so that would cut down  on the interaction while "on the job".

Though that doesn't relieve the conflict if they are dating and one is a senior.  Having one quit is the only solution if they wish to maintain the relationship.  Unfortunately that counters the goal of retaining our older, executive phase cadets.  And often this reality leaves a bad taste in their mouths.

[lordmonar]

No you're not, but you have to find a way to exist within the reg.  whether one turns senior or one temporarily leaves CAP.  Unfortunately there really aren't good answers.

That's where good leaders use their common sense and make the "best" decision for all involved.

[MajorM]

I would normally agree with you except that the rule is very bright line.  Especially after the new 52-10. 

Yes, it's typically a transient condition and will hopefully resolve soon enough.  And you don't need to be a private detective and dig, dig, dig.... But leaders also can't ignore bright line rule violations that are presented to them.

[Eclipse]

No you're not, but you have to find a way to exist within the reg.  whether one turns senior or one temporarily leaves CAP.  Unfortunately there really aren't good answers.

That's where good leaders use their common sense and make the "best" decision for all involved.

The "best" decision for all involved is to simply not date within CAP - learning the lesson of not mixing work
with your dating life early will serve them well.  For every "success" story, there's 1.7526438 Million fiery crashes.

Between 12 and 21, the odds of any relationship lasting more then a few months, maybe a couple years, are very small,
and once you've crossed that bridge, you still have to go back to the squadron, and in many, many cases, the odds
are one or both cadets quits CAP soon after the crash.

There is zero advantage to the organization, and significant risk to both the organization and the cadets.

The regs may say "I guess if you have to" but the advice should always be "100% no".

[Flying Pig]

This is great training for our future adults.  Dating co-workers rarely ends well in real life.  Learn that now.