A joke for a Monday Morning...

[Smoothice]

I hope this is OK to post here, it is aviation related, but its a good joke for a Monday...enjoy!

A local news reporter was tasked with coving a local wildfire. He checked in with his boss, and asked for funding to hire a pilot to take him above all the action.
With his request approved, the reporter quickly used a cell phone and called the airport to charter a flight.
He was told that an airplane would be waiting for him at the airport.
Arriving at the field, he spotted the plane warming up outside the hanger.
He jumped in with his bag and shouted "Let's go!"
Once in the air, he told the pilot "Fly over the valley and make a low pass so I can get some good photos of the fires"
The pilot asked "Why?"
The reporter replied "Because I am a reporter for THE SUN and I was asked to get some photos."
The pilot was strangely silent for a moment, finally he stammered "So, what you are telling me is, you're NOT my flight instructor?!"

[sparks]

One joke is good, two are better;

TOP TEN WAYS TO SPOT A REALLY BAD LANDING!
1.   Passengers appear shorter than before the takeoff.
2.   Big skid marks left on pavement and in pilot's clothing.
3.   You're cleared to land three different times without going around.
4.   That scraping sound was the trailing edge of the flaps.
5.   You're congratulated on a perfect four-point landing when you have only three wheels.
6.   Laughter overwhelms the tower frequency for hours.
7.   Rescue workers greet you to ask for an injury report.
8.   Prop has that zooty new Q-tip look.
9.   Enormous amount of power needed to taxi off the runway.
10.   The line boy fuels your Skyhawk without a stepladder.

[flyerthom]

How do you know there's a Pilot at the party?

He'll tell you.

[lordmonar]

How do you get a pilot to ignore you?

Start marshalling him.

[SarDragon]

How do you get a pilot to sit on the ramp and convert kerosene to noise for an extra minute or two?

Turn your back on him when he ignores your marshalling directions.     

USN E-5 vs. USMC O-4 -> E-5 wins, with the total support of his division officer!  :clap:

[Thrashed]

What's the difference between a turbine engine and a pilot?


The engine eventually stops whining.

[Eclipse]

What's the difference between God and pilots?

God doesn't think he's a pilot.

[Thrashed]

The German air controllers at  Frankfurt Airport are a short-tempered lot.  They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location but how to get there without any assistance from them.  So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747 (call sign "Speedbird 206") after landing:

Speedbird 206: "Top of the morning Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of the active runway."

Ground: "Guten morgen!  You will taxi to your  gate!"

The big British Airways 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.

Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"

Speedbird 206: "Stand by a moment ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."

Ground (with some arrogant  impatience): "Speedbird 206, you have never flown to Frankfurt before?!?"

Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, I have, in 1944. In  another type of Boeing... but I didn't stop."

[bosshawk]

The German controllers get another one.  Seems there is a Luftansa 727 leaving Munich for Frankfurt.  Pilot asks for taxi in German and the controller comes back with "Speak English, it is required".  Pilot replies "I am a German airliner, flying for a German airline, in Germany, why do I have to speak English".  Unidentified response in very good American English: "Because you lost the war".

[Airrace]

I hope this is OK to post here, it is aviation related, but its a good joke for a Monday...enjoy!

A local news reporter was tasked with coving a local wildfire. He checked in with his boss, and asked for funding to hire a pilot to take him above all the action.
With his request approved, the reporter quickly used a cell phone and called the airport to charter a flight.
He was told that an airplane would be waiting for him at the airport.
Arriving at the field, he spotted the plane warming up outside the hanger.
He jumped in with his bag and shouted "Let's go!"
Once in the air, he told the pilot "Fly over the valley and make a low pass so I can get some good photos of the fires"
The pilot asked "Why?"
The reporter replied "Because I am a reporter for THE SUN and I was asked to get some photos."
The pilot was strangely silent for a moment, finally he stammered "So, what you are telling me is, you're NOT my flight instructor?!"

I like this one!

[CadetProgramGuy]

The German air controllers at  Frankfurt Airport are a short-tempered lot.  They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location but how to get there without any assistance from them.  So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747 (call sign "Speedbird 206") after landing:

Speedbird 206: "Top of the morning Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of the active runway."

Ground: "Guten morgen!  You will taxi to your  gate!"

The big British Airways 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.

Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"

Speedbird 206: "Stand by a moment ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."

Ground (with some arrogant  impatience): "Speedbird 206, you have never flown to Frankfurt before?!?"

Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, I have, in 1944. In  another type of Boeing... but I didn't stop."

Heard the same joke, only I heard it about japanese pilot and pearl harbor........

[Check Pilot/Tow Pilot]

How many Fighter Pilots does it take to change a light bulb......

None.

Fighter Pilots are not afraid of the Dark!

[lordmonar]

How many Fighter Pilots does it take to change a light bulb......

None.

Fighter Pilots are not afraid of the Dark!

No...they just right it up in the forms and make maintenance do it!

[SilverEagle2]

I heard it a little different.

How many fighter pilots does it take to change a light bulb?

One he just stands there and waits for the world to revolve around HIM.