Social Networking, and appropriate "friendships"

[NIN]

Of course, all of this gets back to the concept of appropriate behavior. 

I'm sure in a lot of ways this conversation was had (albeit in a different format) when the phone came into widespread use and people became "less formal" over the phone due to its distance and anonymity.

And email.

And forums.

And Facebook.

And Twitter.

As I've said before, I worked at a college for 4 years.  The students I saw come thru there were not terribly technically savvy, and the worst part was, they had zero understanding of appropriate behavior outside of their parents house (and in some cases, I think they didn't have any understanding of appropriate behavior IN mom & dad's place, either!), whether online or not.

I don't expect the kid who I just caught trying to hack my firewall to stand at parade rest in front of my desk, but sit up straight in the @##$% chair and pull your @##$ pants up, you little punk   And I'm not your "dude," or your "bro."

Same goes for behavior online.   A try to guide my behaviors online with "If I had to stand in front of my commander and read my post/blog/FB status/twitter out loud, would I be embarrassed, ashamed or proud?  What about reading that same to my mom (who is on FB!) or my grandparents?  What about my boss?"

Its like that "If my actions were on the front page of the paper, could I defend what I did legitimately?"

I think a lot of cadets don't get that idea.  I think a fair number of adults don't get that either. And FB/Twitter/MyFaceSpaceforTwits makes it worse.

But I don't think that the MyFaceSpaceforTwits is to blame. Its the individuals. 

Hundreds of thousands of people every day talk about all manner of things online with no ill effect.  Because they pay attention to what they're doing/writing/saying and how they're behaving.

[Eclipse]

The real question is...

What is so hyper-critical about where you are or what you are doing that it needs to be posted at all?

[Grumpy]

I don't have an issue with officers and airmen "friending" cadets on Facebook or Twitter.

The problem is in developing unprofessional relationships via those networks. And since the adult members are the accountable ones, it is they who should be responsible for misdeeds or hijinks online that affect CAP operations. Even though we just play Air Force on the weekends, and our rank and grade carries miniscule standing in comparison with Big Blue, it doesn't excuse that we conduct ourselves as officers and hold ourselves to the core values.

Integrity first.

Man, you get that right.  I developed a relationship with a cadet once and she became my wife for 29 years.  Gotta watch those off duty relationships.

[NIN]

The real question is...

What is so hyper-critical about where you are or what you are doing that it needs to be posted at all?

I don't know.  Whats so hyper critical about where you are and what you're doing that you need to carry a cell phone, for example?   (I just had this convo with someone the other day: what the _hell_ did we do to coordinate things before we had cell phones?  We must have been just one gigantic ball of missed opportunities and people standing on curbs or sitting in restaurants waiting for everybody else to never show up...)

Apparently, Bob, you feel that what you do/think is only important to you.  Hey, that's awesome.   Thats not how others think.

However, thats an awfully broad brush to paint EVERYBODY who uses social media with.   

Its not like I'm some emo teenager angsting over every last little pimple via Facebook.    Those people do exist.  I think they're knuckleheads.  But thats not _everybody_ who uses social media sites & methods to increase their circle of communication.

Cuz if it was, Fortune 500 corporations would not be spending hundreds of millions of dollars on Social Media, Social Networking and the like.

Call me crazy.

[AirAux]

I would like to add to this posting.  I recently found out abut an outstanding cadet that was headed to the AFA.  Unfortunately, a wing legal officer who is also an AFA liaison officer, found some of the cadet stuff on FB.  Some of it was cursing and some of it was personal opinions of old white haired men and their need to die off.  The SM upon reading the stuff went to the Wing CO to see about 2'bing said cadet.  The Wing CO said this stuff was being looked at by National and policy would someday come down and not to worry about it.  The SM took the cadet's AFA application and threw it in the trash.  When I found out about it, i asked the SM if he had told the cadet why he wasn't going to the AFA and he said no.  I said he should so the cadet would at least learn from his mistake.  Now, I am really torn by all of this.  The cadet was highly intelligent and his postings showed great ability along with a lack of discretion.  I think he would have made a great officer and leader someday.  The AFA would have helped him develop I believe.  Now, he is screwed to put it mildly.  I am torn because the reality of the younger generation is much different than that of the older gen.  The younger gen has been exposed to much more than the older ones.  They grew up on FB and feel their postings are nothing more than free speech and they don't have a good understanding of the consequences from same.  I also feel that the older ones need to be a little bit more compassionate with all of this and try to bring some understanding and acceptance when dealing with these matters.  I don't approve of all of it, but it is a different time and place and we have to accept change.  What does everyone else feel about this??     

[Eclipse]

Cuz if it was, Fortune 500 corporations would not be spending hundreds of millions of dollars on Social Media, Social Networking and the like.

Call me crazy.

Because if people are stupid enough to join a "community" focused on their washing machine and self-promote a brand, why wouldn't
the company encourage that behavior?  Its literally the dream of every marketing guy ever born - and that's all "social media" is - marketing.  Whether you are promoting the latest gadget you got, where you are eating, or the latest result of your last meal, in the end its just a "new" way to sell soap.

Adults with real lives do not wander aimlessly around town looking for random connections or desperately hoping one of their "friends"
is in proximity to them for a meal.  Neither do they have time for the random musings of someone as they wander through their day -
how vacant and lonely are we as a society?  Then the best part is that once they do meet someone in person, they aren't actually "there", because they are too busy telling everyone who isn't there where they are.

Posting photos of your first born so grandma in another city can see him is one thing - electing yourself "mayor" of a Starbucks because you spend too much time there is just narcissistic nonsense.  Fed and eaten by people with low self-esteem who need to feel important about "something".

[tdepp]

^^^^
Mayor Eclipse:

I thought you were the Mayor of Starbucks!  I was going to ask you to name me City Attorney for the City of Starbucks.  Man, way to kill a guy's dreams! 

[NIN]

Fed and eaten by people with low self-esteem who need to feel important about "something".

Awww, man, I was going to take a handful of pills and then lock myself in my garage with the running car until you let me in on what was causing my low self-esteem.

@#$% you, Eclipse!



(Note to the humor challenged: I was joking about the @#$% part..)

[Lancer]

Adults with real lives do not wander aimlessly around town looking for random connections or desperately hoping one of their "friends"
is in proximity to them for a meal.

Hey Bob.... I found a couple great sites you'll just love, they're right up your anti-social 'networking' alley.   

http://www.isolatr.com/

and

http://airbagindustries.com/introvertster/

[raivo]

Adults with real lives do not wander aimlessly around town looking for random connections or desperately hoping one of their "friends"
is in proximity to them for a meal.  Neither do they have time for the random musings of someone as they wander through their day -
how vacant and lonely are we as a society?  Then the best part is that once they do meet someone in person, they aren't actually "there", because they are too busy telling everyone who isn't there where they are.

JUST IN: Society and its communication methods evolve with technology. Details at 11.

[JC004]

Adults with real lives do not wander aimlessly around town looking for random connections or desperately hoping one of their "friends"
is in proximity to them for a meal.  Neither do they have time for the random musings of someone as they wander through their day -
how vacant and lonely are we as a society?  Then the best part is that once they do meet someone in person, they aren't actually "there", because they are too busy telling everyone who isn't there where they are.

JUST IN: Society and its communication methods evolve with technology. Details at 11.

Bob...you clearly spend a lot of time offline...Most Time Online:   Eclipse   94d 18h 33m  (that is the most on the whole forum, just for reference)

[NIN]

Bob...you clearly spend a lot of time offline...Most Time Online:   Eclipse   94d 18h 33m  (that is the most on the whole forum, just for reference)

But of course. Without all that MyFaceSpaceForTwits cloggin' up his CAP-Talk time, I'd expect that.

[Eclipse]

Bob...you clearly spend a lot of time offline...Most Time Online:   Eclipse   94d 18h 33m  (that is the most on the whole forum, just for reference)

But of course. Without all that MyFaceSpaceForTwits cloggin' up his CAP-Talk time, I'd expect that.

I am tethered 24x7 to the net, and I love every minute of it - I am not a curmudgeon, I just understand how the real world works, and have lived through the evolution of this narcissism.  I worked for USR before x2 and when Palm owned the universe, and have had a "real" email address since 1994 - not a pioneer, but BTDT.  Those that feel like it can find blogs I did back when blogs were actually new and cool, and to my surprise I actually had a fair amount of people who checked me out daily (lord knows why).

Captalk and CS (and once in a huge while on forums.military) are literally the only communities I participate in, and I'm showing online a ton because I usually have it open in a Chrome tab along with a number of other sites.

What amazes me is how many of the posters here are active contributors to 28 other related sites and engage in the same arguments on all those sites as here and CS, and that doesn't include unrelated sites, (FB, MS, Twit, 4 Square) as well.  Talk about time-wasting awards.

The savior will be when Google enables the check-in feature on latitude, which will overnight kill the smaller services - heck I might even participate, since a number of adults I know actually use these services.  A single service that actually had the people I care about involved is a lot more compelling than having to subscribe to at least 5 or more and spread the message all over the place.

[JC004]

Silly Bob, you can sync them!  Post to 'em at the same time!   

[Eclipse]

Silly Bob, you can sync them!  Post to 'em at the same time!   

Yeah, thanks.  Duh.

Next you can explain to me why any single person cares about the goings on of 1500 people they follow on twitter and how anyone has the mental bandwidth for that.  If every person sends just one message it takes like an hour to read them, not including responses.

The average huiman being can only really "know" about 20 people.

[JC004]

No problem.

If you look at the statistics on Twitter, Facebook, etc., most people don't follow (friend, whatever) nearly that many people.  Few people have that many followers on Twitter.  That is well into the top single-digit percentages of users.  People do this for marketing, friendship, news, access.  I've recruited volunteers this way, met interesting people (then in person), gone to interesting places, got behind-the-scenes access to things. 

Just as with a news site, CNN, MSNBC, Fox, WSJ Online, etc. - you don't read all of the news stories, do you?  But you do read some.  Tagging, search, etc. makes categories.  You do the things that interest you.  I don't really need to "know" everything about some of the people that I've met.  Nonetheless, we've had interesting and beneficial interactions.

[Eagle400]

I say it's fine... so long as it does not constitute conflict of interest/fraternization. 

Because if it does, then a whole lot of bigger problems can ensue. 

[NIN]

JUST IN: Society and its communication methods evolve with technology. Details at 11.

"Dr. Maslow, while commenting on the popularity of MyFaceSpace, admits that he may have accidentally built his classic 'hierarchy of needs' pyramid in an inverse order.  He further commented that he has since removed 'self-actualization' from the list, since in his words: 'I realized that nobody gets it. Not even me.'"

[NIN]

<snip>
The savior will be when Google enables the check-in feature on latitude, which will overnight kill the smaller services - heck I might even participate, since a number of adults I know actually use these services.  A single service that actually had the people I care about involved is a lot more compelling than having to subscribe to at least 5 or more and spread the message all over the place.

Hey, whoa. Finally something we can agree on!

[Eclipse]

Adults with real lives do not wander aimlessly around town looking for random connections or desperately hoping one of their "friends"
is in proximity to them for a meal.  Neither do they have time for the random musings of someone as they wander through their day -
how vacant and lonely are we as a society?  Then the best part is that once they do meet someone in person, they aren't actually "there", because they are too busy telling everyone who isn't there where they are.

JUST IN: Society and its communication methods evolve with technology. Details at 11.

"I'll tell you the problem with the scientific power that you're using here: it didn't require any discipline to attain it. You read what others had done and you took the next step. You didn't earn the knowledge for yourselves, so you don't take any responsibility... for it. You stood on the shoulders of geniuses to accomplish something as fast as you could and before you even knew what you had you patented it and packaged it and slapped it on a plastic lunchbox..."

"...your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could, they didn't stop to think if they should..."

Dr. Ian Malcolm

"Social Media" - A service that forces you to be rude to the people you are with, so you can stay in touch with people you aren't, assuming  you actually leave your mom's basement at all.