CAP and Relationships?

[AngelWings]

While me personally, I have a "Hell NO!" on any relationships in CAP, I was wondering how people feel about CAP and relationships, particularly cadet relationships. I personally see CAP relationships has relatively short lived drama filled experiences that turn cadets against eachother and make two peoples business their entire squadrons matter.

[a2capt]

It's not CAP's business to dictate that. "Hell NO!" sounds like it would have to rule out plenty of mature people, too.

It's a fact of life, can't do anything about it. Two get attracted, they have to quit? Is that the goal of the program?

Keep it out of CAP, if not, then deal with that problem. But don't make it a penalty.

[AngelWings]

It's not CAP's business to dictate that. "Hell NO!" sounds like it would have to rule out plenty of mature people, too.

It's a fact of life, can't do anything about it. Two get attracted, they have to quit? Is that the goal of the program?

Keep it out of CAP, if not, then deal with that problem. But don't make it a penalty.

I'm not suggesting a policy against it, or really any discouragment, I am just trying to see if my viewpoint is different than other peoples on the situation.

[Eclipse]

Bad idea.

[AirDX]

Keep it out of CAP, if not, then deal with that problem. But don't make it a penalty.

+1

Humans are humans, stuff happens, as long as cadets keep it out of the squadron I don't care.  If it affects other members or performance, then I got a problem.

[Майор Хаткевич]

There's a rule against SM/Cadet relationships. That's enough. Everything else: adults should act like adults, or a conversation will be had. Cadets should act like cadets, and what they do outside of CAP we shouldn't care (in this regard).

That said, there are plenty of Husband/Wife pairs in CAP. They act like they would in a professional manner, and it's a non-issue.

[SarDragon]

And that about covers it.

This topic has been discussed to the point of absurdity on many other threads, so I suggest that we just let it go away quietly.

[jimmydeanno]

I met my wife as a cadet, at encampment.  We've been married 10 years.

[Cap'n]

It doesn't seem to work out in the occasions I've seen. A cadet and friend of mine was caught kissing another cadet (her boyfriend) during a meeting, in uniform. It did not end well, as it shouldn't have. I think it's alright to date someone if during the meeting you're professional and mature, and it you don't create the drama that can come with dating. I myself like someone in my squadron, but I also know him outside of CAP, and during meetings it is completely professional.

But in most occasions of at least the younger aged group of kids dating, it usually isn't a good idea. At least if you don't know how to act properly.

[Extremepredjudice]

I find this odd, we have a CAP regulation outlawing cadets dating, but at encampment, we were told we could "ask a female cadet to the banquet." I found that very strange...

[lordmonar]

I find this odd, we have a CAP regulation outlawing cadets dating, but at encampment, we were told we could "ask a female cadet to the banquet." I found that very strange...

We have a regulation that does what?

[Extremepredjudice]

Nevermind, I misread the regulation. 

[SarDragon]

I find this odd, we have a CAP regulation outlawing cadets dating, but at encampment, we were told we could "ask a female cadet to the banquet." I found that very strange...

That, IMHO, doesn't constitute a date. It's done to build social skills. I wish they had done that at my encampment, although there was a distinctly poor m:f ratio involved.

[mikebank]

I find this odd, we have a CAP regulation outlawing cadets dating, but at encampment, we were told we could "ask a female cadet to the banquet." I found that very strange...

I don't know, what were the chances of having any heavy petting going on at the banquet? Its not like you weren't chaperoned...

[BillB]

Extreme
Cite please on what regulation prevents cadets from dating. There is no such animal. Are you thinking of Public Display of Affection?

[jeders]

Extreme
Cite please on what regulation prevents cadets from dating. There is no such animal. Are you thinking of Public Display of Affection?

Nevermind, I misread the regulation. 

Asked and answered.

Tick-toc-tick-toc

[Flying Pig]

CAP is no different than dating someone who goes to your church, someone you sit in class with, work with.  People can screw it up regardless of the place.  Obviously SM/Cadet aint gonna fly.  But beyond that, lets face it..... people date people they have things in common with.

[Майор Хаткевич]

CAP is no different than dating someone who goes to your church, someone you sit in class with, work with.  People can screw it up regardless of the place.  Obviously SM/Cadet aint gonna fly.  But beyond that, lets face it..... people date people they have things in common with.

What amazes me is that SM/Cadet rule is relatively new...

[jacksmith60187]

CAP should control the relationships so that we breed a better next generation of cadets.

[Struts]

I think we can safely say that we are beating the dead horse on cadet relationships.

[AngelWings]

We do have different opinions, the whole point of this thread was to see generally which ones exsist among both cadets and senior members.

[jeders]

We do have different opinions, the whole point of this thread was to see generally which ones exsist among both cadets and senior members.

That's fine, but there are numerous threads on here, all of which have gotten locked I think, discussing this. I suggest you search those threads first, then you'll know exactly how we all feel.

[AngelWings]

We do have different opinions, the whole point of this thread was to see generally which ones exsist among both cadets and senior members.

That's fine, but there are numerous threads on here, all of which have gotten locked I think, discussing this. I suggest you search those threads first, then you'll know exactly how we all feel.

I failed to use logic at, what, 2330? I forgot we even had a search button to be honest. Sorry to all if this has been discussed before.

[Eclipse]

OK, BS flag thrown.

You've got enough history here under two different user names to know the unofficial attitude about lighting up new threads about controversial topics before using search.

[Майор Хаткевич]

Besides, failed logic at 2315 eastern time? Maybe you should go to bed earlier and not post then.

[Extremepredjudice]

Besides, failed logic at 2315 eastern time? Maybe you should go to bed earlier and not post then.

SIR, STOP MAKING SENSE!

[Angus]

Well they can be a problem.  I speak from witnessing one betwen two cadets,  they didn't know when to draw the line.  When they'd be in unform and at a conference they'd be walking around  holding hands and all that.  The big issue was that one of them was the Cadet Flight Sgt.    They met while in CAP and also part of two different squadrons, then one transferred to the other's unit.

[Ned]

Well they can be a problem. 

Captain, I don't think there is a single person on this board who would disagree with that statement.

Thank you for your work with our cadets.

[Flying Pig]

CAP is no different than dating someone who goes to your church, someone you sit in class with, work with.  People can screw it up regardless of the place.  Obviously SM/Cadet aint gonna fly.  But beyond that, lets face it..... people date people they have things in common with.

What amazes me is that SM/Cadet rule is relatively new...

I did actually know an SM and cadet who were dating.  Both were cadets and had been dating for a couple of years, planned on getting married.  At 18, the female decided to switch to SM because she was still a C/2Lt and the male, who was 18, decided to stayed on as a cadet because he wanted to try and finish up his Spaatz.  He was a C/LTC.  I dont know if hever did or if they ever ended up getting married.  Thats one where you would just need to keep anything it well clear of CAP activities.  The thing about that though is that they are both adults and If I recall more now that Im typing........ I think they actually lived together (in sin ) after she turned 18

[Майор Хаткевич]

Cadet and Cadet, with one turning SM I can understand, but then it does become an issue given the reg rules. I was thinking more of the cases where a 17/18 year old cadet dates a SM over 21.

[The CyBorg is destroyed]

This has been covered ad nauseam.

In the interest of fairness, I will say that although it's been a loooooooong time ago, I do remember when I was a teenager, and the hormones started to run (for Trekkies, kind of like pon farr with Vulcans ).  Nature is nature, and it's going to take it's course.  The trick is how to manage it within the structure of CAP.

Before I met my dear wife, I remember seeing female SM's in CAP who I thought were quite attractive, but nothing ever came of it, partially because of my own personal reservedness, and partially because I didn't want my afterburners in a sling over perceived sexual harassment.  I joined CAP not long after the Anita Hill/Clarence Thomas issue and in workplaces (including CAP) there was kind of a walking-on-eggshells atmosphere.

As far as SM/cadet relationships - do not pass GO, do not collect $200.  If both are over 18, let the cadet transfer to the senior side so both can be compliant with regs.

Regs say nein to PDA's, whether cadets or seniors.  My wife doesn't even hold my hand in public when I'm in uniform.

Away from CAP the responsibility of putting limits on romantic relationships between cadet-age young people rests with parents/legal guardians.

[AngelWings]

OK, BS flag thrown.

You've got enough history here under two different user names to know the unofficial attitude about lighting up new threads about controversial topics before using search.

Sir, I was tired, and writing off impulse of a story told to me by a friend. Please understand, I had a brainfart.

[AngelWings]

Besides, failed logic at 2315 eastern time? Maybe you should go to bed earlier and not post then.

If you know what my last night entailed, you'd understand why I was up late and posting. As I previously stated, I had a brainfart. Forgive me.

[jacksmith60187]

OK, let me be the radical here. There is no -none - nada good reason to tell young cadets they cannot have a relationship in or out of uniform. Regs be [[darn]]ed. It is time for CAP and the military to grow up. Sheesh.

And, what are you going to do when two same sex cadets have a relationship? Huh? Whaddya gonna do???

[Eclipse]

OK, let me be the radical here. There is no -none - nada good reason to tell young cadets they cannot have a relationship in or out of uniform. Regs be [[darn]]ed. It is time for CAP and the military to grow up. Sheesh.

There's 10 good reasons to advise cadets of any age, and young cadets, especially, not to be having "relationships" at all.  The current slide
towards the relativism of "you can't judge" notwithstanding.

CAP should be treated like any other professional organization, and the bar should be raised for the cadets, too.  It is not a dating service, nor a dating pool, and to treat it otherwise is to risk your membership and possibly more, both financially and personally.

There's always a few random people who indicate a positive experience, or will boast about all they did discreetly, but there are probably 2- or 3- to 1 against those that end poorly, with many being "Ex-members" along with being "ex-boyfriends" (etc.).  And that goes double for the senior members.
The drama produced by these situations, not to mention the example set by people for whom discretion is a 4-letter word, is unnecessary, unneeded, and unacceptable to an organization like CAP.

And, what are you going to do when two same sex cadets have a relationship? Huh? Whaddya gonna do???

Nothing.  CAP has made it clear that they take no stance whatsoever on gender in regards to relationships beyond prohibiting discrimination.
However the same advice applies.

It's a bad idea, cadet, senior, or otherwise.

[jeders]

There is no -none - nada good reason to tell young cadets they cannot have a relationship in or out of uniform.

Sexual assault and sexual harassment seem like pretty good reasons.

The bottom line is that CAP is not for dating. For that matter neither is high school, but teens will do what teens will do. All we can do is set the standard and make sure that people live up to it. Keep it professional in uniform and at CAP and CAP related activities, and have fun when you're completely on your own time.

[jacksmith60187]

I think there should be a CAP safety presentation (online for monthly credit) regarding condom usage.

[Eclipse]

I think there should be a CAP safety presentation (online for monthly credit) regarding condom usage.

Don't complain the next time someone takes issue with your attitude.  Trolling here is pointless.

You also never answered the question as to whether you were currently a member.

[jacksmith60187]

I am a current member.

[ol'fido]

Are we flagellating a deceased equine on a uniform thread somewhere?

[caphornbuckle]

I met my wife as a cadet, at encampment.  We've been married 10 years.

Same here...17 years in August.

[Майор Хаткевич]

Met my fiancee while in CAP...

[Captain Morgan]

I sleep with my Observer ... we've been married 28 years.

[Private Investigator]

Done deal   :clap:

[BillB]

At a Florida Wing encampment, I took the Cadet PAO and the senior Supply Officer to Georgia (with the encampment commanders approval)and married the Supply Officer. The Cadet PAO shot the photos. The Cadet PAO ended up as a Wing Commander in another Wing. The female cadets at the encampment got so upset that we got married that during the following encampment (two weeks later), Florida ran several summer encampments due to the number of cadets) they threw a full military wedding at the Base Chapel and talked Food Service into wedding cakes and the full ceremoney. Things like that can't be done now-a-days

[The CyBorg is destroyed]

I met my wife of going-on-13-years after a CAP activity.

She didn't join CAP, but I wore my service dress when I married her.  I'd wanted to get mess dress, but no $$$.

[Grumpy]

While me personally, I have a "Hell NO!" on any relationships in CAP, I was wondering how people feel about CAP and relationships, particularly cadet relationships. I personally see CAP relationships has relatively short lived drama filled experiences that turn cadets against eachother and make two peoples business their entire squadrons matter.

My first wife and I met as cadets.  Our weekly squadron meetings met on the same night except mine let out 1/2 Hr before hers so I'd scoot over the hers in time to pick her up and take her home every week.  We were married for 29 wonderful years until I lost her to cancer.  This would have been our 44th year.  I miss her so...

[CharlieMike]

^That made me tear up a little bit...sorry for your loss.

As far as relationships are concerned...my girlfriend and I maintain a very professional environment when we meet at wing events (being we live clear across the state from one and other...that and she out ranks me, as a C/1Lt.) We enjoy the time we get together, and we aren't obvious about it, we aren't very public with it either (I'm only referencing so it's not like "LOL. STUPID CADETS ARE MAKING ASSUMPTIONS AGAIN!"), it's worked for us. Do I recommend it for everyone? Absolutely not. Do you have to be very aware of yourself to keep it professional? Absolutely yes. Is it worth it if you both want it? Certainly. Also...we met at an Encampment as well. Seems to lead to successful relationships, heh.

So I've basically summed up this entire thread while throwing in my two cents. Good eve, all.

[Grumpy]

^That made me tear up a little bit...sorry for your loss.

As far as relationships are concerned...my girlfriend and I maintain a very professional environment when we meet at wing events (being we live clear across the state from one and other...that and she out ranks me, as a C/1Lt.) We enjoy the time we get together, and we aren't obvious about it, we aren't very public with it either (I'm only referencing so it's not like "LOL. STUPID CADETS ARE MAKING ASSUMPTIONS AGAIN!"), it's worked for us. Do I recommend it for everyone? Absolutely not. Do you have to be very aware of yourself to keep it professional? Absolutely yes. Is it worth it if you both want it? Certainly. Also...we met at an Encampment as well. Seems to lead to successful relationships, heh.

So I've basically summed up this entire thread while throwing in my two cents. Good eve, all.

Nice comment.  You hit the nail on the head.  "Keep it professional"

[41839j]

This is just one of those things that kids have to learn on their own.  We can tell them not to do it because if something goes wrong, then your involvement in CAP will suffer.  (if you are interested in a girl at CAP, ask her out and then the relationship goes sour, then those CAP meetiings get pretty awkward.  If you like CAP, you might regret this.)  Some have the maturity to keep it professional, but most probably don't.

I remember those feelings as a young teen.  There is not much we can tell them about this that will sink in when those kinds of feelings are stirred up.  They just have to learn how to deal with this.  It is part of growing up.

Glad to hear that it worked out for some.  I also broke one of the cardinal rules of no dating with people at the place of employment.  It worked out for us and we have been married 17 years.  We don't work together on the job anymore however.

Best thing to do is probably officially discourage but not forbid this kind of thing, and deal with problems as they arrise.

[caphornbuckle]

I think what really helps too is that they not be from the same unit.  This was my experience and it appears to be so with the majority of the others on here as well.

[Garibaldi]

Generally, cadets are socially awkward IMO. All the girls in CAP I "dated" or "went with" WIWAC were from other units, so if something went wrong and we "broke up" we wouldn't have to worry about seeing each other on a regular basis, but when we ran into each other at a Wing activity, it was easy to go our separate ways and avoid seeing or even speaking to each other. We could delude ourselves into believing we were in a real relationship without all the hassles. Kind of like the "I have a girlfriend, but she lives in Canada. You wouldn't know her."

Discouraging this kind of thing is tantamount to telling Barney Stinson to keep it in his pants. He'd just say "Challenge accepted".